28

The root cause of your child's frustration is expecting to make complex things perfectly without a long process of trial and error. I suggest that the best long-term solution is to offer the child a more realistic version of what to expect on the path to mastery of most skills. All of the attempts to logically persuade the child are best done in the "cold" ...


26

The thing to worry about most is poor performance at school, only because that has the possibility of really cutting off her options in the future. One question you might ask yourself is why she isn't interested in other things. Rather than complain--which clearly isn't helping--do what you can to start a dialog. What is she getting out of facebook? Do her ...


25

This sounds like a scarily accurate description of me when I was that age. So I'll give you my personal insight. The lying is most likely a way to get you ,or anyone else, to leave him alone ,even if only temporarily, at any given moment. It works, so he keeps doing it. The main problem is that he is trapped in a life, as are all kids of that age in '...


24

Oh gosh. You want your son to be motivated by rewards, rather by the intrinsic value of something? (Basically, your child has a stronger sense of dignity than he has an interest in whatever rewards you are offering. I'd be thanking my lucky stars.) Besides, What happens when he is an adult? How will he keep his room clean if no one is there to give him ...


23

My experience with this (and a 7 and 5 year old child) is that you should not let the child win, but rather adjust the scenario so that the child can win. This ensures there is still a sense of accomplishment in the win, and still requires the child to challenge themselves. I run with my older son from time to time, and as a fairly fast runner myself I ...


19

The key here is Don't Read Books You Don't Enjoy. Peter: [reading a review of a boxing match in a hushed, storytelling way] The champ caught Smith with a savage left hook... Michael: What are you reading her? Peter: [responding to Michael in same tone] It doesn't matter what I read, it's the tone you use. She doesn't understand the words anyway, ...


18

You recognize already that this is a developmental issue. It takes time, work, and maturity to develop. In addition, I think what you are describing is more than an appreciation issue. It can also be about control. A five-year-old has very little control in her life - she doesn't get to choose how the money is spent, what time she goes to bed, what she ...


17

@Cara, this is not a problem with him, it's a problem with your parenting style. It sounds like you are trying to control every aspect of his life and smothering him with advice, demands, rewards, and punishments. He is confused and frustrated at not being able to control anything about his life, so he does the one thing that gives him control: he refuses to ...


16

This can be a common issue in children who are very successful in almost anything: when they are motivated by success, and that success is easy to achieve, they see no reason to work hard to achieve basically the same success. The returns for additional success tend to be diminishing; being a big fish in a small pond can be very comfortable to someone ...


13

There's a common saying among highly-successful people, which is to never be the smartest person in the room. You grow by surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to be better. Somewhat counterintuitively, if you want to be truly successful, you need to fail sometimes. If you never fail, you're not pushing your boundaries. You're playing it too ...


11

First of all, why are you making him take piano? Do you feel he'll gain something from it? Is he naturally good at it, so you want to foster that in him? Are you trying to make him learn it, because that's what you feel society expects? Are you doing it because it's something you enjoy and want to pass that on to him? Additionally, why are you being his ...


11

With that background, is getting her into some kind of therapy or at least in contact with a school counsellor an option? OR get someone to help the family in the household? Perhaps even both. I am asking because with the background you describe, her looks really seem just a symptom! She is 13. Her mother is very ill. Her father is barely keeping things ...


11

All the things that you mention seem fairly minor. My husband picks off the pizza toppings that he doesn't like. There's nothing childish about not liking a particular food. Labeling this as "delayed" behavior is neither accurate nor helpful. As to her not socializing, it may be that she prefers to focus on her studies. This is a condition that many ...


10

Is it getting done and not turned in, or is it not being done and not turned in? I think this is a fairly normal thing for kids this age to do between the ages of 12 and 14, and if the habit isn't stopped it can turn into a real problem in high school. To begin remedying the problem (because it's going to be a process), you need to find out why your kids ...


10

If you want your child to understand language, you have to talk to your child. A study was done on the differing number of words per hour spoken to a child in low income, middle class, and professional families. The difference was startling. A low income child would hear 600 words per hour. A middle class child 1200. A professional class child 2100. A ...


10

I hear your frustration! I have a 5 year old daughter who is slower than molasses waiting on Christmas. The mornings have turned into a routine for us though. She used to get up and want to watch a show on TV before getting breakfast. We quickly learned that this led to her watching her show and not eating. So we put the rule in place that she couldn't watch ...


10

I think the first step is recognizing that your desires are in conflict with your children's. You are craving some special event time, and they have been craving unstructured time. It's natural and okay to have conflicting desires with your family, just be aware the conflict exists and make a conscious choice about whose needs are going to be paramount at ...


10

Motivation and punishment do not mean the same things to you as they do for your teen. Yes, you still will have expectations for getting chores and homework done, but perhaps your interest in them has to change. If your son is not late for school inspite of taking a long time to dress, ignore it. If he misses breakfast because it takes him so long to get ...


9

The main reason she's on Facebook and Tumblr is to interact with her friends. How often do you have people over, or take her to visit her friends? Have you started teaching her to drive? Does she have any extracurricular activities where she gets to see friends? Also, complaining isn't going to improve her grades. Just make her associate you with annoying ...


8

What kind of practice are you trying? One of the key components of techniques like the Suzuki method is to have one parent sit down with the child during practice sessions. The point is that the child will want to do it if the parent shows some interest in the child's activity. If you just tell then to practice, turn on an egg timer, and then walk away (...


8

I currently take my 4 year old to swimming classes. When he started (at 3.5yo), I would go into the toddler pool with him. I had to continue this with him even when he started formal swimming lessons. I now get to sit on the side-lines with the other parents. I think getting into the pool with the child makes a great difference. I did the same with my ...


8

I have had some success (in an unpaid, friend of the family or parent of the child's friend kind of way) with the following approach: Stop referring to them, even inside your own head as lazy-to-think. While that is one possible explanation for them not answering, or blurting out any old number without working it out first, there are plenty of others: they ...


8

I actually assissted in a math classroom for one of my internships to become a teacher. My lead teacher pretty much handed over the control of her "resource class" (those are generally the kids that have the hardest time with math, hate it, and think they don't need it) What I did with them that worked really well, was to present them with a project that ...


8

Congratulations! The first thing that comes to my mind is to treat her to something nice that you know she will appreciate. Massages, dinners, whatever it might be. In particular, in the extent that breastfeeding allows, give her as much time off (away from the baby) as you can manage. By definition she will be spending a lot of time with your daughter and ...


8

Well I certainly identify with this one! My daughters are 3 and 6 and we get a lot of this. Not so much on school mornings but definitely on holiday mornings. It's worse in the winter because there's more coats etc to put on. I'm assuming you're already helping the 2-year-old quite a lot, and only expecting them to do really simple things by/for themselves? ...


8

I noticed you only mentioned physical things. I am a big believer that kids need to move their bodies too, but I never had a hobby of any of those. If your interest is having her be more physically active, maybe make a routine where you bike ride with her on certain days or take walks together. You can even do a workout together at this age, or try yoga ...


8

On average, kids need to win about 1 in 3 times in order to stay interested in a game. They must win fairly, not by default. It sounds like she is well on her way to becoming a ranked player - she is strong enough as a player now to recognize when a much stronger opponent is throwing a game. She is not ready to play you, but she needs more advanced players ...


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