29

The root cause of your child's frustration is expecting to make complex things perfectly without a long process of trial and error. I suggest that the best long-term solution is to offer the child a more realistic version of what to expect on the path to mastery of most skills. All of the attempts to logically persuade the child are best done in the "cold" ...


26

This sounds like a scarily accurate description of me when I was that age. So I'll give you my personal insight. The lying is most likely a way to get you ,or anyone else, to leave him alone ,even if only temporarily, at any given moment. It works, so he keeps doing it. The main problem is that he is trapped in a life, as are all kids of that age in '...


23

My experience with this (and a 7 and 5 year old child) is that you should not let the child win, but rather adjust the scenario so that the child can win. This ensures there is still a sense of accomplishment in the win, and still requires the child to challenge themselves. I run with my older son from time to time, and as a fairly fast runner myself I ...


18

You recognize already that this is a developmental issue. It takes time, work, and maturity to develop. In addition, I think what you are describing is more than an appreciation issue. It can also be about control. A five-year-old has very little control in her life - she doesn't get to choose how the money is spent, what time she goes to bed, what she ...


16

This can be a common issue in children who are very successful in almost anything: when they are motivated by success, and that success is easy to achieve, they see no reason to work hard to achieve basically the same success. The returns for additional success tend to be diminishing; being a big fish in a small pond can be very comfortable to someone ...


13

There's a common saying among highly-successful people, which is to never be the smartest person in the room. You grow by surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to be better. Somewhat counterintuitively, if you want to be truly successful, you need to fail sometimes. If you never fail, you're not pushing your boundaries. You're playing it too ...


12

With that background, is getting her into some kind of therapy or at least in contact with a school counsellor an option? OR get someone to help the family in the household? Perhaps even both. I am asking because with the background you describe, her looks really seem just a symptom! She is 13. Her mother is very ill. Her father is barely keeping things ...


11

All the things that you mention seem fairly minor. My husband picks off the pizza toppings that he doesn't like. There's nothing childish about not liking a particular food. Labeling this as "delayed" behavior is neither accurate nor helpful. As to her not socializing, it may be that she prefers to focus on her studies. This is a condition that many ...


11

I really feel like you are not looking at the situation objectively. You list 7 issues that present obstacles to your daughters success. You realize that it took a year and a half for her to learn the basic starter song, Twinkle, Twinkle. And you recognize that her classmates are more advanced in their accomplishments. But you think that (somehow) continuing ...


10

I think the first step is recognizing that your desires are in conflict with your children's. You are craving some special event time, and they have been craving unstructured time. It's natural and okay to have conflicting desires with your family, just be aware the conflict exists and make a conscious choice about whose needs are going to be paramount at ...


10

I hear your frustration! I have a 5 year old daughter who is slower than molasses waiting on Christmas. The mornings have turned into a routine for us though. She used to get up and want to watch a show on TV before getting breakfast. We quickly learned that this led to her watching her show and not eating. So we put the rule in place that she couldn't watch ...


10

Motivation and punishment do not mean the same things to you as they do for your teen. Yes, you still will have expectations for getting chores and homework done, but perhaps your interest in them has to change. If your son is not late for school inspite of taking a long time to dress, ignore it. If he misses breakfast because it takes him so long to get ...


10

I noticed you only mentioned physical things. I am a big believer that kids need to move their bodies too, but I never had a hobby of any of those. If your interest is having her be more physically active, maybe make a routine where you bike ride with her on certain days or take walks together. You can even do a workout together at this age, or try yoga ...


9

The main reason she's on Facebook and Tumblr is to interact with her friends. How often do you have people over, or take her to visit her friends? Have you started teaching her to drive? Does she have any extracurricular activities where she gets to see friends? Also, complaining isn't going to improve her grades. Just make her associate you with annoying ...


8

I actually assissted in a math classroom for one of my internships to become a teacher. My lead teacher pretty much handed over the control of her "resource class" (those are generally the kids that have the hardest time with math, hate it, and think they don't need it) What I did with them that worked really well, was to present them with a project that ...


8

I have had some success (in an unpaid, friend of the family or parent of the child's friend kind of way) with the following approach: Stop referring to them, even inside your own head as lazy-to-think. While that is one possible explanation for them not answering, or blurting out any old number without working it out first, there are plenty of others: they ...


8

Well I certainly identify with this one! My daughters are 3 and 6 and we get a lot of this. Not so much on school mornings but definitely on holiday mornings. It's worse in the winter because there's more coats etc to put on. I'm assuming you're already helping the 2-year-old quite a lot, and only expecting them to do really simple things by/for themselves? ...


8

Congratulations! The first thing that comes to my mind is to treat her to something nice that you know she will appreciate. Massages, dinners, whatever it might be. In particular, in the extent that breastfeeding allows, give her as much time off (away from the baby) as you can manage. By definition she will be spending a lot of time with your daughter and ...


8

If she were a black lipstick girl, would you feel any different? How about tie-dyes with hemp jewelry? Barely legal slut outfits? If you want her to focus more on her appearance, you're asking her to come to your level of reasoning. Good luck with that in a 13-yo. If you instead ask her why she likes to mismatch her clothes and not brush her hair, you will ...


8

On average, kids need to win about 1 in 3 times in order to stay interested in a game. They must win fairly, not by default. It sounds like she is well on her way to becoming a ranked player - she is strong enough as a player now to recognize when a much stronger opponent is throwing a game. She is not ready to play you, but she needs more advanced players ...


8

I can try to make it less abstract by addressing the specific example that you've mentioned to try to help you move from "abstract" to "applied" in this instance. It could give you a good basis for applying the abstract to other situations in the future. My kids are the same as yours (as are everyone else's): none of them can make a miniature carving and ...


7

First of all, keep in mind that many if not most children are not really developmentally ready for formal academics until age 7 or so. I don't know where you're located, but here in the U.S., recent academic standards are set mostly by politicians, and don't always line up very well with early childhood research. It used to be that schools didn't even ...


7

Your grandson sounds to be intelligent albeit lacking focus or interest. Since he likes video games, you could try exposing him to programming where he could build his own games and share them with his peers. You're trying to find him a hobby that he enjoys and he could find friends wile doing it too. Exposure to a lot of different fields and activities is ...


7

My advice would be not to withhold the necessaries (like textbooks). If your goal is for him to get an education, you are shooting yourself in the foot by causing him to fail in college. Paying for everything he needs for college sends the message that this is what is important. If you just want him to "work", regardless of what he is working at, he doesn'...


7

Patience. If you have patience, then your first idea should work, eventually. But it requires patience on your part to let her learn for herself. She sounds a lot like my five year old, sometimes. He has to do a set of chores when he gets home from school, after which he's free to do what he wishes (watch TV, play iPad, whatever) until a set time (a ...


7

Motivation comes from three things Autonomy Mastery Purpose Autonomy is the need to control your life. You have to have the power to choose what to do or how to do it. If there are chores, let him pick which one to do first. Mastery comes from learning. Honing you skills to be better at something. For some learning itself is the purpose, others compete ...


7

I think your question can be generalised to something like the following: I want my child to do something I think will benefit them, but they are resistant to it. If I don't push them to do it I'm worried they will miss out on learning something important and finding out that what they are afraid of will actually end up being fun. If I do push them to do ...


6

The solution is in your question : some of them also early decide that they will be artists, dancers, athletes, house-wives, etc so they don't need mathematics. Involve their goal/hobbies/interests in your teaching. There is a high level of opportunity there. Applied mathematics are probably the key for most people having issues with formal mathematics....


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