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26

This sounds like a scarily accurate description of me when I was that age. So I'll give you my personal insight. The lying is most likely a way to get you ,or anyone else, to leave him alone ,even if only temporarily, at any given moment. It works, so he keeps doing it. The main problem is that he is trapped in a life, as are all kids of that age in '...


10

Motivation and punishment do not mean the same things to you as they do for your teen. Yes, you still will have expectations for getting chores and homework done, but perhaps your interest in them has to change. If your son is not late for school inspite of taking a long time to dress, ignore it. If he misses breakfast because it takes him so long to get ...


10

While I am not from a blended family, what helped my sister and I avoid fighting over chores was to have them be assigned to one of us when we were high school / college aged. For example: Me: Sort my own clothes and my parents fold all but her clothes. vacuum and dust 1/2 the house (rooms assigned) Cook 3-4 days a week. Nights and meals assigned. ...


10

Rewards can actually be counterproductive. In psychology this is known as extrinsic versus intrinsic motivation. And yes, its very common. I well recall being forced to tidy my room and sit down to do my homework. Its an uphill struggle that every parent faces. The trouble is that when you say "do this to get a reward" (extrinsic motivation) you immediately ...


10

I like the general idea of the approach, but not some of the specifics. For example, for every tantrum she throws minus 20c Please don't charge your child for showing emotion, even if she does it to manipulate. The stakes are just too high (potential for it to be a traumatizing lesson), and while you may be good at telling insincere tantrums from sincere ...


9

I think the question here is, do you want to be an adult? If the answer is "yes" then you need to sit down with your mother and ask to agree some basic rules. The main points will be: Who does which bits of housework and when. How much you will pay for room and board out of your wages. You should also discuss a savings plan; you may find she is happier ...


8

I'm starting to feel like some kind of Cinderella. You are some kind of Cinderella. I think you are being asked to do way too much. How can I bring this up with my parents? There are two ways to bring this up. You can have a direct, frank, respectful, and and boundary setting conversation, as discussed very well by @Anne Daunted. Do offer to pay in ...


7

I don't think there's a definitive answer as children vary widely in coordination and ability at a given age. Enthusiasm also is a big factor. My son has been helping unload the dishwasher, load and unload the washing machine and dryer since he was 1 and a half. We didn't ask him to do anything, he just walked over and started doing it because he wanted to ...


7

Motivation comes from three things Autonomy Mastery Purpose Autonomy is the need to control your life. You have to have the power to choose what to do or how to do it. If there are chores, let him pick which one to do first. Mastery comes from learning. Honing you skills to be better at something. For some learning itself is the purpose, others compete ...


7

What we did was a combination of 1 and 2, at that age. 3 is harder, I think, and I don't really agree with penalizing monetarily for behavior at 4 years old; it's too much out of her control still at that point. But certainly up to you. My kids have an allowance that is based on the formula [amount of money] * [years old] per week. Amount of money is ...


6

At sixteen, he's going to be moving out very, very soon. From his perspective, that's delightful freedom. (No more stupid chores!) But he also is going to have many more responsibilities once that time comes. It may be time to make the conversation not just about obligations to a household, but about practice for being an adult. An adult really has three ...


6

Questions like this come up all the time, and my general approach once they are at this sort of age is to have a fairly adult conversation with them to discuss: All the chores that need doing How many my things wife and I have to do - including things like working 10 hours a day to pay for house, education, cars etc... as well as chores like tidying the ...


5

First off, rewards do not have to be financial. They can be encouragement, praise, getting to stay up a little later...anything Secondly, as adults we do chores not because we want to but because we know the consequences will be more work later in tidying up - children can be taught this from quite an early age. When they are very young they don't have ...


5

At that age, supervision is probably the right thing to do, except with very basic chores. And they may well get them only partially done before being distracted etc. Until they are older it is valuable just getting them to understand that some chores need to be done each day. We have always gone with: homework first then chores then relaxing, playing ...


5

Sounds totally normal. My son hates chores as well. My husband and I debated the "you shouldn't have to pay a child to do chores because that is part of being in a family" vs wanting a way to motivate him beyond yelling at him for not doing the work. We decided to compromise, by "rewarding" him with a substantial gift that we would have been inclined to ...


4

My answer is a slight twist on @Erica's excellent one, and it even worked for much younger kids (worked at an intelligent 7 year old). Anytime the child does something (or in this case, wants you to do something - hire a maid) - that costs $X, you explain to him which parts of the luxuries of life you provide cost $X. And I mean in hard currency #s, on a ...


4

By far, in my experience, the best way to maintain discipline in the long run is to reward good behavior, i.e. positive reinforcement! Your end goal is to build consistency. If you manage to engage your kids in the household chores regularly, it will soon become a habit. And by making it more fun and rewarding, your kids will feel more compelled to do it. ...


4

If your son know the rules in advance and understood that this was not the way to treat the device, then a consequence is fair. If you are feeling like charging him isn't the way to go, you might give him a choice. You pay for replacement but he does not get the device for a set period of time. Or, he pays for part of the replacement and loses the device ...


4

You did not mention any friends. Is there any chance to organize a sleepover with a couple of friends or schoolmates? It would be even better if he stays at someone else's house. He would have a first-hand impression of how other families organize daily duties and interact with each other. In my own experience, group outdoor activities have the power to ...


4

My parents' solution was to divide up the chores into four types: Chores everyone works on once the relevant parent announces that that chore is being performed: sorting and folding laundry (when a load of clothes comes out of the dryer, everyone with clothes in that load drops whatever they're doing to get their clothes), cleaning up common areas, ...


4

OK, I'll bite. Is this allowed? Legally speaking, this probably isn't 'legal' because there is no preexisting contract stipulating fines for future events unless you agreed to these conditions verbally. Contracts is being used in a loose manner here and imply written rules and reasonable ability to understand as well. There doesn't have to be agreement ...


3

Patience. If you have patience, then your first idea should work, eventually. But it requires patience on your part to let her learn for herself. She sounds a lot like my five year old, sometimes. He has to do a set of chores when he gets home from school, after which he's free to do what he wishes (watch TV, play iPad, whatever) until a set time (a ...


3

Don't make it look like chores! The easiest way to make a child to do their chores is to make it a fun experience. Make the "unfun" part just a part of the bigger process of doing something fun. Invite your kid to cook with you, and then show him or her how to clean up the dishes while you cook, making it a fun experience too. When you finish cooking, you ...


3

Trust your wife. If she has chosen to be a stay-at-home mom, don't micromanage her. If she feels up to the task of running your busy household (three small children) without help, let her thrive. If you insist on bringing in outside help when she says she doesn't want it, you are sending a vote of "no confidence" and undermining her in her domain. Let her ...


3

Maybe show him this video, just for a laugh. Seriously, though, I'm guessing it's not a problem of comprehension. I'm a big fan of Kadzin's Everyday Parenting Toolkit. His approach (a behavioral science approach) recommends positively reinforcing specific behaviors that you do like. This requires close supervision and immediate reinforcement, though; so a ...


3

This is a great time to break out the whiteboards (assuming you have any). A few sheets of paper with all involved parties sitting at the same table also could suffice. Start by making a list of all the household chores. Then go around and collect bids for chore responsibility. For example, one of you may want to take responsibility for taking out the trash,...


3

Children are very different in how their motivations work. I have two, one who is very externally motivated (i.e., what you describe above would work perfectly for him), and one who is more internally motivated. For the child that is internally motivated, what works for me is finding the correct internal motivation, and finding the right way to fit it into ...


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