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Your sister got herself into a situation that she felt she needed to lie about. She could have continued doing that in the hope that she never got caught out, or until some crisis point where she was found out involuntarily. But instead, she chose to take the tough decision and confess to you, to allow things to be better in the future. She took the adult ...
206
Donate the left shoes in the same donation box. Whether or not they are able to get single shoes to those who need them, having a half-pair sit in your son's closet does nobody any good. Might as well finish what he started.
By only giving right shoes, he has potentially wasted the charity's time: many people need only one shoe, but there's a chance this ...
205
I've tried and tried to get her to go to counseling but only response I get you can make me go but don't expect me to say a word.
So, make her go. Therapists have a way of getting people to talk, and while it may not "cure" her, it certainly can't hurt.
I'm not excusing her behavior; I'm sure it's extremely painful and confusing. From her perspective, ...
158
I'm late to the discussion here, but...
I believe firmly in making the punishment fit the crime.
If she wasn't on the phone while speeding, I don't understand what her phone has to do with it. How a television comes into play mystifies me (does she watch Fast & Furious movies all the time?)
If you want her to learn to be reasonable, modeling it is ...
150
Hehe, that is pretty funny.
Eh, don't worry about it. Kids do silly things, this isn't one that's going to get him killed. Sometimes people just need to do something that goes against the normal course of action, ya' know? It'll be a funny story he can think about/tell other people when he's older.
After he's had his fun, and then gets tired of walking ...
149
I drive fast...too fast...and am working on breaking that habit now. Both parents drove fast and aggressive and therefore I picked up those traits, still I am the one driving and choosing to drive in that manner.
What has really helped me remember not to speed is the reason we have speed limits and other driving laws. Why is there a speed limit and why was ...
139
Try to go along this line:
There are rules that exist for everyone. I have to go to work. You have to go to school. I tell you about the rules because I know them; I don't just make them up to bother you. Sometime, I will simplify a rule or regroup a few "grownup rules" for you. Because there are other, more complicated, rules that I can't directly ...
132
I would be concerned that this form of punishment might end up teaching the wrong associations, because it artificially connects money to behavior which is not naturally about money.
For example, I would be concerned that the children end up believing:
the wrong behavior is ok if they are willing to pay the fine
two bad behaviors that happen to be fined ...
128
Since you're talking about church, I take it religious beliefs should be on topic here.
There are two commandments that supersede (and contain) all the others. One of them is
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
If you have not put yourself in the shoes of the other parents, their children, and the nursery staff, that is where you should start. ...
124
You may not like this answer, but bear with me for a moment, please.
So first, let’s recap what happened. Your son checked the answers for a test, during the test, in order to correct possible mistakes. Technically this exactly what cheating is - getting the correct answers from other sources than the own knowledge or conclusions. The standard procedure in ...
98
First, I would (as Becuzz mentioned) sit down with him and hear his side of the story. It may be that he was cheating, and in this case, if he seems properly repentant and embarrassed, you might work out a punishment that fits the crime better than taking away his X-Box. Enlist the teacher's help with this. Maybe doing an extra paper, or some other task ...
answered Mar 8 '17 at 19:45
Francine DeGrood Taylor
8,9123 gold badges14 silver badges29 bronze badges
95
I'm going to go a different route than many of the other answers, in that you could do what my parents did for me. It not only forced me to take responsibility for my actions, but also to cover the costs incurred by my reckless driving. For my anecdotal information, I was doing 104 on the freeway and got incredibly lucky, as rather than writing 104 (which is ...
92
I am glad you used the term "lawyering". I have been on both sides of this situation.
As the child, I distinctly recall the fun in "outsmarting" my parents. I considered them as incapable of expressing themselves well. The more they argued for me to "get the point", the more I thought they didn't "get the point". They never did succeed in their goal and ...
90
My daughter...was only one in our vehicle that didn't sustain any life threatening injuries (only a broken foot)
Your daughter suffered a severe trauma. Such events don't necessarily leave physical signs, but they are absolutely life threatening if left untreated. Suicide is a real threat.
If you took your daughter to a doctor to get her broken foot set ...
84
By tolerating the behavior, you're validating the behavior. Her age doesn't matter - it only make the problem your responsibility.
Let's call things as they are: your daughter bullied another girl to the point that she doesn't want to come to school anymore.
Work with the teachers on a solution. And inform the girl's parents.
At the very least, have your ...
80
For your first question: no, and no. Don't cut off other parents, and don't micromanage things.
For your second question: yes, and yes. You can educate her; that's what her life is at this point after all, a long education session.
Your daughter is going to have many moments like this through her life, where she sees others and picks up behaviors. That'...
79
It is not too late at all. Please do try to limit TV, and of course you are tired after working all day. However, this is also your job. Reading, playing, walking to the park -- all of these things are important. Talking about what you are doing -- "I am making dinner. This is a carrot. I am using the sharp knife to cut it."
There are many books in your ...
71
There are at least 2 sides to every issue. There are also at least 2 sides in every war. By destroying what she considers hers b/c she did not comply with your orders, in her eyes, the "issue" has become a "war" and you launched the first nuclear weapon, but it was a dud.
Did you change her mind? No.
Did you adjust her clothing style? No. (She will find ...
65
First off, I strongly recommend taking the money out of your thinking. Teenagers can do foolish things that can be expensive, but it just doesn't help to dwell on the cost of the shoes. Remember: your son is worth a lot more to you than those shoes. Presumably it will be possible to speak with someone at the donation center to get those shoes back.
Second, ...
58
Welcome to the "Terrible Two's"!
Your son behaves typically for his age. At 2 he starts to assert himself and express his demands. It's likely that he has also learned that he gets his way when he throws a tantrum. For a 2-year old screaming, hitting or even biting is a normal way to express his anger - at least he will try and every success reinforces ...
58
I train dogs as a hobby. This situation reminds me of a cardinal rule of dog training - if your dog is off leash and does something you don’t like, never call him back to you and punish him. Why? He will probably never return on your recall again, cause you just taught him that bad things happen when he does.
I presume you see the analogy. This does not ...
57
Seems to me this is something where the truth is a good answer.
You are responsible for her, because of her lack of experience and lack of maturity. The more she can show maturity, the less you need to boss her around. If she can get ready herself without you telling her to - so much the better for both of you!
57
Your relationship with your oldest child appears to be in a downward spiral. You seem to describe a power contest, where the only resort you have is to continuously up the punishments. This is never helpful.
Something that might help: assume that kids are always trying their best. They want to succeed, and your job is both to teach them how, and to rig the ...
54
Advantages....
None
Disadvantages...
It creates unnecessary conflict with the child, and it compromises the child's natural ability to self-regulate food intake based on nutrition requirements. As long as children are offered healthy food (no junk food) they will naturally eat what they need and no more. Forcing them to finish their plate can potentially ...
54
You are in a tough situation. Having to share parenting with someone you hate is very difficult. And whenever anyone upsets your child, it's natural to want to prevent that. Let me make some suggestions for you.
first, no hitting - I am presuming that "pop our son top make him hush" means hitting. That has to stop. It doesn't work, it makes the crying ...
53
This is a difficult problem for parents because we hate making our children cry, but it seems to me that you use 'the naughty place' / timeout and that can be effective. I don't call it 'the naughty place'.
As difficult as it is when your child cries, sometimes it is your job to be firm. At two, she is trying to assert herself. This is a normal part of ...
53
Of all your suggestions, only one really says “it’s not ok to kick the dinosaurs”. The other are sending a different message, which can be summed up as
Don’t do it when [some else with more power] sees it, because there may be undesirable consequences.
The logical next step for some clever kids is to do exactly what you don’t want them to do the moment ...
52
This is what my mother did with us (it wouldn't work with very young children; I can't recall what she did then):
We were never served food. It came to the table in whatever pot it was cooked in, and placed on a block of wood (to avoid burning the table). We then served ourselves out of that pot (or those pots, pans, whatever, depending on what the food was)...
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