205

I've tried and tried to get her to go to counseling but only response I get you can make me go but don't expect me to say a word. So, make her go. Therapists have a way of getting people to talk, and while it may not "cure" her, it certainly can't hurt. I'm not excusing her behavior; I'm sure it's extremely painful and confusing. From her perspective, ...


100

My friend obviously did not react well when she found out about the incident. How should she make up for it to her daughter? She should apologize. You say your friend didn't react ideally, I'd say she reacted stupidly. She got angry at her daughter because she was clueless when everyone else wasn't. Her daughter did nothing wrong, and your friend got angry ...


90

My daughter...was only one in our vehicle that didn't sustain any life threatening injuries (only a broken foot) Your daughter suffered a severe trauma. Such events don't necessarily leave physical signs, but they are absolutely life threatening if left untreated. Suicide is a real threat. If you took your daughter to a doctor to get her broken foot set ...


77

I'm an autistic adult, the parent of an autistic adult, and a teacher of autistic children. The reason your daughter laughs when you're really angry with her is because your anger is frightening her. This might seem counter-intuitive to the neurotypical mind, until one considers that neurotypical laughter is frequently in response to someone being hurt, ...


63

Since you're not thrilled about the depiction of violence in the book, but are reluctant to have your child singled out as different, maybe you could read it with him and discuss the violence and brutality. Use this as a teaching situation, where you can listen to his interpretation of the violent themes in the book and add in your own two cents.


61

What you should not do is to simply talk badly about a favourite story of his. What you could do instead is put the story into perspective - and don't do this with this fairy tale alone, but with as many as possible. If you do this as an "early start to literary studies" you might actually do him a favour. Topics to cover could be: Core message or ...


59

This one may be a challenge - UK laws on knife carrying are not age-related (although there is an age limit on purchasing knives) but they are related to size of knife and to some extent what you are doing with it and where you are carrying it. Personally I think a Swiss Army Knife is appropriate for outdoorsy kids from an early age - whenever they can ...


59

You can't make anything clear to someone who doesn't respect your opinion. Explanations only matter if the person you're explaining to has kind of the same world view as you do. This is where boundaries come in. Clearly things are not ideal for this girl, and it's natural to want to be helpful, but in this situation, true helpfulness is often more than what ...


57

You have my sympathy, and a lot of it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Part of this is the age.* TL;DR: You're not alone. Many have walked this path and come through on the other side with a "good" kid. Find a good family therapist. ...the therapist didn't really seem to help much mostly because he refused to cooperate. Change is hard to effect....


48

I am a scout leader from Germany. We allow children to carry pocket knives as young as 8, but only under these conditions: Children with "behavior problems" are exempt (at the discretion of their leader). If they want to have one, they are first taught the rules of using knives (it's a tool and not a weapon, never cut towards your own body, never cut ...


41

Our daughter intellectually understands our reasoning and accepted our decision without fuss. But of course she was disappointed and sad on the evening of the party. This is a good outcome and probably the best you can hope for. It's perfectly okay and normal to be sad & disappointed, I would be too. How can we help our children deal with situations ...


35

I'm writing this as a guest because I don't want this associated with my professional account, but I feel I can help you understand your son because he sounds just like how I was at that age. I used to break things, cuss out my parents, all the things you listed, etc. It started when I was in junior high after being rejected by my peers, especially the ...


33

You might consider that children are affected by violence differently than adults, especially violence in books. Their imagination isn't as horrible as ours. A lot of what makes the book impactful to adults will go right over a child's head, due to their inexperience and lack of maturity. If you've ever reread a book as an adult that you first read as a ...


30

No parents are entitled to be told by their children about things they would want to know. It may be right for their kids to tell them, it may be good and helpful, it may be reasonable and all sorts of other things, but no parent is that special, privileged member of royalty who, when his or her child acts as children will act, gets to be super outraged and ...


29

At some point in your child's life they will do things not because you tell them to, but because they are the right thing to do. For example, a 40 year old pays their bills because in this society we pay our bills, not because their mother called and reminded them to pay their bills. As a parent, one of your tasks is to escort your child from the toddler ...


29

Is there any possible harm, if I tell my kid now about the hidden meaning of Cinderella? To a certain extent the "hidden meaning" you describe is a somewhat dystopian outlook on relationships. In general, it's considered unnecessary that a 10-year-old know the "cold hard truth" about everything. I don't think most people make decisions in their adult life ...


29

You don't know and if you accuse your child and s/he is not the one that did it, that creates a trust problem. Most kids do this at one point or another. You should tell the truth as a model. It is perfectly okay to say you are not going to tell them something due to their age or 'need to know'. Try not to tell lies in front of them. ("I told Mary I liked ...


27

This is actually pretty common. First, lets get some things out on the table. Your talking to her. That makes you her friend, at least a little. Don't think that because you're older you can't "be friends". There need to be boundaries, obviously. But to someone that age "friend" can be anyone that listens. There are structured groups (Boys and Girls Club, ...


27

I think the main messages you need to get over are: Some people are attracted to both men and women. This is called bisexuality. Its perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with it. Also, bisexuality doesn't have to mean equal attraction to both sexes: someone might find they are mostly attracted to men but also to a few women, or vice versa. Its normal ...


26

This sounds like a scarily accurate description of me when I was that age. So I'll give you my personal insight. The lying is most likely a way to get you ,or anyone else, to leave him alone ,even if only temporarily, at any given moment. It works, so he keeps doing it. The main problem is that he is trapped in a life, as are all kids of that age in '...


25

First off, in terms of helping the child learn: Many/most schools have computer clubs. Encourage the child to inquire from other students, or ask the school professionals yourself. This will place the child with his peers developmentally, which is the biggest encouragement you can give. Talk to a computer teacher in the school if one exists. They may agree ...


22

Apologize to them. This reaction may be even more about you lying to them, than about the separation. Kids are not stupid, and may have suspected something is up already. Put yourself into their situation: the world that they know is falling apart and every one is being dishonest with them. They NEED someone to trust. You will have to rebuild that trust. ...


21

I meet people at local meetups. Where I live there are about three Python meetups a month. My experiences have been great: excellent programmers who just like to talk shop. While you will likely meet others at your skill level, you won't meet people at your age level. It will mostly be older people (e.g. college age or higher), but if the goal is to talk ...


21

It can be appropriate in some cultures, and in others it can be inappropriate. That isn't really the issue here. The challenge is that you and your partner have a conflict in your approach to parenting that needs to be resolved. You are both right in your own way, but until you have agreement and one approach, this conflict will continue, and will make ...


20

Sounds to me, like you and your daughter had a very healthy and honest conversation - and trust me when I say, those are the kind that work. I worked with adolescents for ten years as a health and science teacher as well as was advisor to a class of about 20 eighth grade kids each year. Considering the fact that I had around 100 kids each year I taught, ...


18

Speaking as a former teen-aged geek, here's a few things that have worked for (and on me - thanks Mom and Dad! :) ) Organized sports are kinda hit-and-miss for a geek (esp. if it's not their interest). Teen years are rough to start with. And some people don't get "runner's high", so they lose the reinforcement that keeps some of those solo sports going. ...


18

Stephen King wrote a description about this once. "You're one of those people that, when King Laugh knocks, you can't keep the door closed." I'm the same way: laughter overwhelms me at sometimes very inappropriate times, and especially when I'm emotionally overwrought or very fatigued. It's apparently fairly common with folks on the autism spectrum. And ...


18

I agree with everything that has been said about counseling - do that first and foremost. Her situation But let me add this: it is not unheard of for children in puberty to act like your daughter (and the age seems to fit). Obviously you cannot forget the impact of her trauma, but if you had left the story about your accident away and just told us this ...


18

I have certainly spoken with 13 year olds on the internet and I am in my 60s. Some of the time was in a game room chat and some of the time in my role as a moderator on a forum. I am quite friendly with a 14 y/o girl who is writing a book and she is quite good at writing. I think that your daughter should not be chatting on the net in private -- and that ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible