176

It is a learning opportunity, but for more than one person, especially your child and you. First, you need to get the whole story, and you can't get it all from your son; he may well not understand what the adult was expecting at the time. So speak to the adult. I did say adult, but that is not the way an adult should handle the situation. Were it a ...


143

"I don't know why" could mean a number of things: The answer is something that will make my parent annoyed if I'm honest. It's not an outright lie to say "I don't know", but it's a dodge to avoid lying or having to instead confess to something worse. Like, "I didn't pick up my laundry when you asked me to because I was eating a donut after you said not ...


128

Since you're talking about church, I take it religious beliefs should be on topic here. There are two commandments that supersede (and contain) all the others. One of them is You shall love your neighbor as yourself. If you have not put yourself in the shoes of the other parents, their children, and the nursery staff, that is where you should start. ...


118

Try to go along this line: There are rules that exist for everyone. I have to go to work. You have to go to school. I tell you about the rules because I know them, I don't just makes them up to bother you. Sometime, I will simplify a rule or regroup a few "grownup rules" for you. Because there are other, more complicated, rules that I can't directly ...


107

Kids that age learn a lot by imaginative play. It's how they make sense of the world and experiment with different responses to events. Pretending to be an adult is very common. Playing along is a good opportunity to show empathy and teach better responses. You might say, I'm Eric. I'm sad because I couldn't find my toy. I wonder if I should cry or ask ...


105

Five years ago I was practically in your son's shoes. I am not a parent, nor do I intend to be, largely because of this style of parenting. That said, I feel I might be able to give you a view from his perspective. Understand that I am trying very, very hard to keep restraint here while you read my answer. Let us address your first point; We are pretty ...


100

What a pickle you're in! I find it hard to imagine an adult who demands proof of love from a 3 year old by her being distressed (begging and crying). But there you have it. Your parents delight in your daughter's distress at seeing them go. Is that loving or is it immature, both, or something else? You decide. I don't want to tell her that its her ...


97

First, I would (as Becuzz mentioned) sit down with him and hear his side of the story. It may be that he was cheating, and in this case, if he seems properly repentant and embarrassed, you might work out a punishment that fits the crime better than taking away his X-Box. Enlist the teacher's help with this. Maybe doing an extra paper, or some other task ...


81

Children learn how to do things by imitating, so much of this is simple curiosity. ("How does the milk go in the bottle? Does it happen the same way every time? WOW.") But toddlers also start to realize they are independent and have some control over their world. I wouldn't perceive this as a lack of trust, necessarily. Rather, he is checking that you ...


77

The definition you've likely found was the definition of talking something out. "to settle something by discussion: Let's not get mad. Let's just talk it out. Please, let's talk out this matter calmly." What the article mentions is a slightly different phrasal verb usage: talking somebody out of something. "to persuade someone not to do something: Her ...


76

First, I think it is worth noting that gender identity and gender roles are not the same as sexual orientation--liking girly things is not the same as being gay. As far as your specific issues go, I agree with Rhea that these are not big signs that your son is experimenting with an alternate gender identity. Hanging out with girls, using female avatars in ...


76

I'm an autistic adult, the parent of an autistic adult, and a teacher of autistic children. The reason your daughter laughs when you're really angry with her is because your anger is frightening her. This might seem counter-intuitive to the neurotypical mind, until one considers that neurotypical laughter is frequently in response to someone being hurt, ...


73

Is it acceptable for me to tell a parent that the noises their children make are bothering me? Sure, just as acceptable as it would be for you to ask a fellow passenger to get off their phone or stop swaying to the music in their earphones. It's not against the law to request another person stop acting in a way that bothers you. There's lots of people who ...


71

This is anecdotal but... Throughout highschool my life was: wake-up, go to school, come home, game, go to bed, repeat. As I developed other hobbies, I did those instead of gaming. As money to buy things (new games, clothing, etc) became important to me, I did chores around the house and kept my grades up (an A at the end of the term was worth $5, a B+: $4, B:...


67

I would try appealing to her sense of empathy. She is young, but should be able to understand that you don't like/feel comfortable with her poking your navel, and if prompted she may be able to imagine what it would be like if there was something she didn't like and someone kept insisting on doing it. Beyond that, it may be necessary to just let her cry ...


62

Overly sexual behavior for kids is abnormal and often a sign of sexual abuse. You must seek professional help, and based on its conclusions, you may have to involve the law.


61

A slightly more scientific perspective. A study done called 'You Will Eat All of That! (A retrospective analysis of forced consumption episodes)' found that pressuring children into finishing their food may lower their natural appetite (perhaps because they're being told when and how much to eat, rather than learning naturally). Other studies have also ...


56

I think it's not surprising a seven year old doesn't know exactly why he does what he does. I often don't know why I do things that I know I shouldn't, not really - at least, until I spend a lot of time thinking about it, and I'm old enough that I've got a lot of experience doing that. When I yell at my kids or do something that irritates my wife or fail ...


55

You have my sympathy, and a lot of it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Part of this is the age.* TL;DR: You're not alone. Many have walked this path and come through on the other side with a "good" kid. Find a good family therapist. ...the therapist didn't really seem to help much mostly because he refused to cooperate. Change is hard to effect....


50

Have you "walked a mile in his shoes?" Unless you can see the world through his eyes, how can you begin to help him? So, based on the incomplete details you've provided, let's check out what we can see through his eyes: My parents have taken everything away. I can get hit by my parents at any time and unless I'm perfect, I get punished. My ...


50

Seems to me this is something where the truth is a good answer. You are responsible for her, because of her lack of experience and lack of maturity. The more she can show maturity, the less you need to boss her around. If she can get ready herself without you telling her to - so much the better for both of you!


49

As parents we start by modelling behaviour for our children. Show by your good example what you as a family do and how you act and react when a wilful or unwillful mistake is made. Discipline should never be so harsh that a child fears admitting the truth or coming to you for help with a problem. Okay when a parent breaks their child's trust by overreacting ...


49

Although it is always wise to be cautious about the safety of your young child, in general it is developmentally normal and natural (and not at all sexual in the adult sense) for a three year old to touch or play with his private parts. It's generally a matter of curiosity, and perhaps increased access if he is recently out of diapers. Adult strong reactions ...


48

I don't believe you can spoil a child without having them act spoiled. You can't jump in a pool without getting wet, just like you can't spoil a child without having it affect them. Spoiling a child robs the child of opportunities to learn and grow. Kids learn how to behave based on how they see their parents (and grandparents) act and how they treat the ...


47

I don't think you hate your Mother as strongly as you think you do. We always get angry with those that are near us. It seems to be the easiest way to vent. I remember being 16 and the reason why is because it was one of the hardest times of my life. Seeing abuse, anger, hate, and finally a divorce is never easy and it stays with you so you have my ...


42

I take what I consider to be a pragmatic approach: if there is no toy which is obviously a gun, kids just make their own (60-80% of boys, 30% of girls, play with "aggressive toys" of some variety). Fingers, sticks, coat hangers (which double as pretty decent fighter planes and space ships, IMHO), pencils/pens, cardboard tubes (packing tubes make great ...


40

Either dad is overreacting or there is more to the story than he initially reported. I can't imagine that something the child has already been corrected for (taken home, not allowed to stay) would then require additional penalties. I wouldn't say that to the dad, as it's not likely to go over well telling an adult you think they are handling something ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible