111
votes
My 21-year-old adult son hates me
This is a situation in which you cannot change your son's behavior; you need to either adjust your expectations (i.e. change yourself, the only person you really have control over), or let him suffer ...
- 72.2k
101
votes
How can we manage our adult son taking back an item we confiscated, without our knowledge, when he has moved out?
The question we need to answer is "Is the device his device or not?"
If the device was his and you just agreed to pay a portion of it as a gift (as in - no strings attached) then the device was not ...
- 13.4k
92
votes
Accepted
Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?
I like the way my mother did:
I told my mother I was going to buy my first car. She listened to me, my budget, my pro's and con's and once I had picked a car I could afford and was planning to get it ...
- 1,317
88
votes
Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?
Mine is getting ready to head off to college soon too, it's a fine line to tread between spoiling and being too detached. The way I put it to my kid is that as long s/he is either gainfully employed ...
- 999
63
votes
Accepted
Condoms in a care package: Parents advice
Speaking as a parent, I'm grateful to see this being done by a religious institution. So kudos.
To be effective - including against pregnancy and STIs - condoms need to be used and stored in a ...
- 72.2k
51
votes
Accepted
How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?
Joe's excellent answer is sufficient in itself. I just wanted to add my experience as a parent (and maybe my experience with troubled kids.)
This is one of the hardest phases of parenting: the (nearly)...
- 72.2k
50
votes
My 21-year-old adult son hates me
I have never posted on this exchange before - but I read this and couldn't help myself.
Let me first say I have no background in parenting other than raising my 2 children. I have read no parenting ...
- 641
47
votes
How can we manage our adult son taking back an item we confiscated, without our knowledge, when he has moved out?
Any opinions or advice on how I should address this matter, if at all, is appreciated.
You don't address it.
Accusing him of stealing his own device (which you took from him) will only harm your ...
- 2,899
45
votes
Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?
Buy him a used vehicle. Let hm earn his first "new" car.
I am like you; I worked for everything I got. I started working after school at 15, and at 17 I bought my first used Volkswagen Bug for 400$ (...
- 72.2k
42
votes
My 21-year-old adult son hates me
he says not to piss him off because if I do, be prepared for his rage; he will stop at nothing to bury me.
That is a threat, and you should call the police to report it.
For your son to respect you,...
- 5,067
38
votes
How can we manage our adult son taking back an item we confiscated, without our knowledge, when he has moved out?
TL,DR: I don't believe you should've seize his device. If he's an adult, you should consider him as one. You shouldn't "punish" him as parents punish their son: you should have a talk about the ...
- 495
35
votes
How to deal with parents that enforce a curfew on an adult
I also had parents that enforced curfew and rules on me past the time that it would normally be expected (until I completed college), and the thing that helped most was proving that I had moved past ...
- 7,894
33
votes
Accepted
I don't like my mom and she is coming to stay with me, how to prevent it or handle in the best way?
It looks from your post that you have very good reasons not to let your mother stay at your place.
It seems that in spite of seeing all the reasons why this is a bad idea you are still hesitant. A ...
- 646
33
votes
How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?
What worked for a family member of one of my relatives was fairly straightforward: set rules or limits based on what works for the parents, and largely otherwise letting go. The parents spent years ...
- 63.5k
29
votes
Accepted
I don't want to be an involved grandparent. How do I let my son know?
I have small children now, but I can imagine that I will feel the same when I become a grandparent.
When I had my first baby, I assumed that my mom will take care of him. I asked her, and she said ...
- 1,575
26
votes
Condoms in a care package: Parents advice
I am a parent who for many reasons including religious ones, does not want my children to have premarital sex.
I sent my son to university with a package of condoms and he said he was instructed in ...
- 422
23
votes
Accepted
How can I be more meaningful in my thanks to my parents?
Please let me first assure you that I'm speaking from experience here. Your post is pure music to my ears.
I have a son who has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder.) I had heard of ODD, but ...
22
votes
Accepted
Mom Reading My Texts and Emails
It sounds as if you already told her you didn't want her to read your emails. Her response was that she has a right to read your personal communications.
You need to do a little bit of reading before ...
- 72.2k
20
votes
I don't like my mom and she is coming to stay with me, how to prevent it or handle in the best way?
I agree with Ola M. You have to draw the line and then stick to it. "Sorry Mum, you can't stay with me." If you make excuses, she is going to be able to find 'solutions', so the only way is to tell ...
- 17.4k
17
votes
My 21-year-old adult son hates me
"What can i do?"
Well it depends on what responses from him you're willing to put up with. Are you willing to get in a fight over this? Are you willing to have him be mad at you? Are you ...
- 1,732
16
votes
Condoms in a care package: Parents advice
If the goal is to prevent embarrassment, change the target of the embarrassment to yourself.
Put the condoms in an envelope marked "extra strong balloons".
Then, it changes from "OMG my church sent ...
- 697
15
votes
My 21-year-old adult son hates me
And he says not to piss him off because if I do, be prepared for his rage; he will stop at nothing to bury me.
This is a serious threat. And he has shown he will not shy away from physical violence:
...
- 1,511
15
votes
Accepted
My parents are upset that I don't visit enough. I live four hours away and I do not want to spend time with them. What should I do?
TL;DR: Set boundaries.
This is an unfortunate but very common scenario. It's perfectly normal for adult offspring to want to separate and start a life with more independence. On the other hand, it's ...
- 72.2k
15
votes
Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?
This depends significantly on your child, their behavior, interest in college, work ethic, etc.
My parents did something similar, making me pay for college when they could have covered it (it luckily ...
- 4,265
15
votes
How to make my 15-year-old daughter want to meet her 39-year-old sister?
To be honest, I can see your fifteen-year-old daughter's point of view. Why should she want to meet this grown-up that hasn't mattered in her life up to now? What positive change in her life would ...
- 8,755
15
votes
Is my mom overly controlling?
On items 1 and 2: corporal punishment is a controversial issue that I won't get into here, but punching, choking and throwing things are definitely over the line. This is not discipline, it is child ...
- 10.6k
14
votes
How to deal with parents that enforce a curfew on an adult
I suggest that you critically examine your own question. Because if you think about it logically, it doesn't make a lot of sense.
You start with the statement(s) that you a 23 year old adult...
Well ...
- 413
13
votes
Should I buy my college child a vehicle when I can afford to or make him earn it on his own?
I'd say put in half the money.
If he wants a good used car or a new one he can work and save for it, learning to value his work and the car. If he doesn't put in the work, he gets a cheap used car. ...
- 1,366
13
votes
Daughter is deciding to have a child with near-total stranger
First off, I would stick to your guns on not raising the child, but you don't need to cross that bridge until you get there. That may never be asked of you. It's going to be a while before this child ...
- 1,095
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