50 votes
Accepted

How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?

Joe's excellent answer is sufficient in itself. I just wanted to add my experience as a parent (and maybe my experience with troubled kids.) This is one of the hardest phases of parenting: the (nearly)...
  • 67.2k
33 votes

How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?

What worked for a family member of one of my relatives was fairly straightforward: set rules or limits based on what works for the parents, and largely otherwise letting go. The parents spent years ...
  • 58.4k
29 votes
Accepted

How to help my son improve without being discouraging?

The root cause of your child's frustration is expecting to make complex things perfectly without a long process of trial and error. I suggest that the best long-term solution is to offer the child a ...
26 votes
Accepted

How to motivate my extremely lazy 12-year-old?

This sounds like a scarily accurate description of me when I was that age. So I'll give you my personal insight. The lying is most likely a way to get you ,or anyone else, to leave him alone ,even if ...
  • 3,163
23 votes

Should I intentionally lose a game to make my daughter happy?

My experience with this (and a 7 and 5 year old child) is that you should not let the child win, but rather adjust the scenario so that the child can win. This ensures there is still a sense of ...
  • 58.4k
16 votes
Accepted

How do I convince my eleven-year-old to practice her dancing?

This can be a common issue in children who are very successful in almost anything: when they are motivated by success, and that success is easy to achieve, they see no reason to work hard to achieve ...
  • 58.4k
13 votes

How do I convince my eleven-year-old to practice her dancing?

There's a common saying among highly-successful people, which is to never be the smartest person in the room. You grow by surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to be better. Somewhat ...
13 votes

How can I motivate a 13-year-old girl to take better care of her appearance?

With that background, is getting her into some kind of therapy or at least in contact with a school counsellor an option? OR get someone to help the family in the household? Perhaps even both. I am ...
  • 3,109
12 votes

When to give up learning an instrument with a 6-year-old?

I really feel like you are not looking at the situation objectively. You list 7 issues that present obstacles to your daughters success. You realize that it took a year and a half for her to learn the ...
  • 1,376
12 votes

How can we motivate a young adult without breaking the family?

I'm not a parent, but once upon a time I was a somewhat similarly troubled young adult -- you mentioned she spends a significant amount of time reading, so maybe suggest she try her hand at writing? ...
  • 221
11 votes

How to motivate my extremely lazy 12-year-old?

Motivation and punishment do not mean the same things to you as they do for your teen. Yes, you still will have expectations for getting chores and homework done, but perhaps your interest in them ...
  • 17.4k
11 votes

Should we make a 13-year-old without any interests/hobbies do something?

I noticed you only mentioned physical things. I am a big believer that kids need to move their bodies too, but I never had a hobby of any of those. If your interest is having her be more physically ...
  • 7,310
11 votes

My 17-year-old daughter gets excellent grades but shows little interest in socializing or getting a job

All the things that you mention seem fairly minor. My husband picks off the pizza toppings that he doesn't like. There's nothing childish about not liking a particular food. Labeling this as "...
10 votes

How to escape vicious circle of dawdling - no outdoor activities - conflicts ...?

I think the first step is recognizing that your desires are in conflict with your children's. You are craving some special event time, and they have been craving unstructured time. It's natural and ...
10 votes

How to escape vicious circle of dawdling - no outdoor activities - conflicts ...?

I hear your frustration! I have a 5 year old daughter who is slower than molasses waiting on Christmas. The mornings have turned into a routine for us though. She used to get up and want to watch a ...
9 votes

What to do with a disinterested 12-year-old boy?

Your grandson sounds to be intelligent albeit lacking focus or interest. Since he likes video games, you could try exposing him to programming where he could build his own games and share them with ...
  • 1,067
9 votes

How can I motivate a 13-year-old girl to take better care of her appearance?

If she were a black lipstick girl, would you feel any different? How about tie-dyes with hemp jewelry? Barely legal slut outfits? If you want her to focus more on her appearance, you're asking her to ...
  • 2,128
8 votes
Accepted

How can I show my appreciation for my wife?

Congratulations! The first thing that comes to my mind is to treat her to something nice that you know she will appreciate. Massages, dinners, whatever it might be. In particular, in the extent that ...
8 votes

How to escape vicious circle of dawdling - no outdoor activities - conflicts ...?

Well I certainly identify with this one! My daughters are 3 and 6 and we get a lot of this. Not so much on school mornings but definitely on holiday mornings. It's worse in the winter because there's ...
  • 4,560
8 votes

Should I intentionally lose a game to make my daughter happy?

On average, kids need to win about 1 in 3 times in order to stay interested in a game. They must win fairly, not by default. It sounds like she is well on her way to becoming a ranked player - she is ...
  • 3,637
8 votes

How to help my son improve without being discouraging?

I can try to make it less abstract by addressing the specific example that you've mentioned to try to help you move from "abstract" to "applied" in this instance. It could give you a good basis for ...
7 votes

How to make my 18-year-old son get a job while in college?

My advice would be not to withhold the necessaries (like textbooks). If your goal is for him to get an education, you are shooting yourself in the foot by causing him to fail in college. Paying for ...
7 votes

My kid slops through her chores or takes forever to do it. I've tried everything

Patience. If you have patience, then your first idea should work, eventually. But it requires patience on your part to let her learn for herself. She sounds a lot like my five year old, sometimes....
  • 58.4k
7 votes

How to motivate my extremely lazy 12-year-old?

Motivation comes from three things Autonomy Mastery Purpose Autonomy is the need to control your life. You have to have the power to choose what to do or how to do it. If there are chores, let him ...
  • 491
7 votes

Should we make a 13-year-old without any interests/hobbies do something?

When I was 13 I recall my socializing was arguable the most important part of my day after school. I spent most of my time on the phone chatting with friends or on the computer typing to other people. ...
7 votes
Accepted

What do I do to get my daughter interested in presenting her science experiments at the science competition(fair)?

I think your question can be generalised to something like the following: I want my child to do something I think will benefit them, but they are resistant to it. If I don't push them to do it I'm ...
  • 3,368
6 votes

Motivation for my 25 year old daughter

I am sorry, this is a tough situation. Many people have mentioned the possibility of depression. Now, I am not going to diagnose over the internet, but your daughter is showing some signs of it (not ...
  • 1,391

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