Hot answers tagged

252

Your sister got herself into a situation that she felt she needed to lie about. She could have continued doing that in the hope that she never got caught out, or until some crisis point where she was found out involuntarily. But instead, she chose to take the tough decision and confess to you, to allow things to be better in the future. She took the adult ...


234

Sit them down for a big, honest conversation. Don't make it about what you want, though. Make it about what they want, and especially ask them, honestly, how they think what they are doing right now is preparing you for your adult life. Ask them how they think you'll be able to handle the adult life when you head out to college with zero prep. Ask them what ...


204

Donate the left shoes in the same donation box. Whether or not they are able to get single shoes to those who need them, having a half-pair sit in your son's closet does nobody any good. Might as well finish what he started. By only giving right shoes, he has potentially wasted the charity's time: many people need only one shoe, but there's a chance this ...


204

(Background: I saw this question on SE and am answering from an anonymous account because of personal details). I'm not a parent but feel the need to post because this resonated strongly with me. Your daughter sounds like she's otherwise a normal, bright and happy teenage girl, with no major problems except for this school attendance issue. It's also ...


155

I'm late to the discussion here, but... I believe firmly in making the punishment fit the crime. If she wasn't on the phone while speeding, I don't understand what her phone has to do with it. How a television comes into play mystifies me (does she watch Fast & Furious movies all the time?) If you want her to learn to be reasonable, modeling it is ...


151

Hehe, that is pretty funny. Eh, don't worry about it. Kids do silly things, this isn't one that's going to get him killed. Sometimes people just need to do something that goes against the normal course of action, ya' know? It'll be a funny story he can think about/tell other people when he's older. After he's had his fun, and then gets tired of walking ...


147

I drive fast...too fast...and am working on breaking that habit now. Both parents drove fast and aggressive and therefore I picked up those traits, still I am the one driving and choosing to drive in that manner. What has really helped me remember not to speed is the reason we have speed limits and other driving laws. Why is there a speed limit and why was ...


145

Should I ask them to stop or let them be? You should probably not involve yourself directly. It's your daughter who has to decide whether she feels uncomfortable, and whether to address that feeling by confronting the boys in question. It won't do her any good if you solve problems for her that she needs to learn to handle herself. What you can do is talk ...


136

Either you go with her, or she doesn't go. I'm not really sure what the correct answer is, but I can tell you that letting her go alone is the wrong answer. She might not even make it to her "friend" before being picked up / coerced by someone else. Please do not let her go alone. If she does go, please follow her even without her permission. It might ...


127

You are clearly very loving and supportive of your step-child. This is a great gift you are giving to her. However, it doesn't sound like you have that kind of a relationship with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend's child only came out to her 5 days ago. For 14 years, her child has been her son. She has imagined a life far into the future with and for her ...


123

Ok, deleting wouldn't do anything. Keeping her activities in secret, is a clear sign to me, that she thinks that you will just be unreasonably forbidding her to do anything in that direction. If you now do that, you just prove her right as well as increasing the distance between you two at least in this aspect. Also you won't stop her from recreating ...


122

"I always taught him not to care what other people think..." Then congratulations! You have achieved one of your parenting goals. It's a pretty good goal, and will often stand him in good stead in resisting peer pressure, advertising and the allure of material things, etc. I understand you are embarrassed, but in your place, I would ask myself why I was ...


116

I think it's time to let go of those reins and I honestly think you'll get a very good reaction. I'd even go as far as to say don't restrict her bedtime at all. Granted, rules should be in place like: No friends over after a certain time A quiet time after a certain time so as to not disturb others who may be sleeping Maintain a curfew for her to be home by ...


108

The previous replies do not address the worry about the identity of the girl in CA. One suggestion is to tell your daughter that you and your wife need to talk to the girl in CA via Skype. You can talk about how long the trip will likely be, what they plan to do, and get to know the girl by asking what she does. Maybe even talk to an adult in her life (and ...


105

Five years ago I was practically in your son's shoes. I am not a parent, nor do I intend to be, largely because of this style of parenting. That said, I feel I might be able to give you a view from his perspective. Understand that I am trying very, very hard to keep restraint here while you read my answer. Let us address your first point; We are pretty ...


98

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. And, whether it helps or not, there was nothing you could have done. This is not your fault. Also, don't be angry at your parents. The situation they will be putting you in is not fair; no doubt about it. But, for your parents, it takes a lot to recognize that the ...


94

The way these events unfolded is an unfortunate one, and I feel rather sorry for your current predicament as a family. By forbidding your daughter from seeing her 17-year-old friend, it seems to me that you possibly accomplished several things: You showed your daughter that you fundamentally don't trust her judgment about herself and her own feelings You ...


94

I'm going to go a different route than many of the other answers, in that you could do what my parents did for me. It not only forced me to take responsibility for my actions, but also to cover the costs incurred by my reckless driving. For my anecdotal information, I was doing 104 on the freeway and got incredibly lucky, as rather than writing 104 (which is ...


91

The way I see it there are two possibilities, either the story is true or it is not true. And in both cases your daughter needs your help. If you manage to prevent your daughter from going to see this friend and thus she never learns if all she was told was true or not, she is likely going to keep thinking it was all true and blame you that she lost this ...


89

First, please let me express my sympathy with what seems to be an extremely difficult situation. What follows does not mean I am not sympathetic with your struggles. You seem to have a few ideas of why your daughter is behaving the way she is (as she is not totally forthcoming), but this has been going on for a term and a half. Your daughter's behavior is ...


78

When I was in 4th grade I switched schools. Immediately life became harder for me, because I was bullied in school, but my parents didn't know, and I was still good with them. Then, when I was in 7th grade they got divorced, and the camel's back broke. I became distant towards my parents. I started getting in trouble a lot, including being arrested for ...


76

I'm an autistic adult, the parent of an autistic adult, and a teacher of autistic children. The reason your daughter laughs when you're really angry with her is because your anger is frightening her. This might seem counter-intuitive to the neurotypical mind, until one considers that neurotypical laughter is frequently in response to someone being hurt, ...


75

If you want them to accept your approach, you're going to have to show them you've truly mitigated that risk. The only way I can see to do that is landing some good-paying ($25/hour+) programming work and delivering to satisfied customers. I wish you the best of luck, but I highly advise you to keep as many options open as possible. Life rarely works out ...


75

Disclaimer: I'm not a parent so I can't speak from personal experience. Also, there seem to be several issues, but the main one is how to talk to her about her weight, so I will cover only that with some, hopefully, helpful suggestions. 1) Don't focus on her weight As you described pretty vividly, it just doesn't work. But she is also not obese - so I ...


72

You have lots of options. Here's one: At dinner one evening, you can say you have a serious announcement. Then tell your mom and dad that you're pregnant. You're really sorry you slipped up, but it will all be OK, not to worry, because you're in love and you plan to marry the father. Unfortunately, you can't bring the father over to meet them because he's ...


70

There are at least 2 sides to every issue. There are also at least 2 sides in every war. By destroying what she considers hers b/c she did not comply with your orders, in her eyes, the "issue" has become a "war" and you launched the first nuclear weapon, but it was a dud. Did you change her mind? No. Did you adjust her clothing style? No. (She will find ...


70

This sounds like a 'perfect rebellion' to me. Your teen is very nearly an adult and could be making other choices that really could be much worse than holey shoes. Part of the growing up process is rebelling and opposing parental views. You are 'not cool'. It is not your job to be cool! Continue to complain bitterly and perhaps insist on 'proper' footwear ...


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