118

Try to go along this line: There are rules that exist for everyone. I have to go to work. You have to go to school. I tell you about the rules because I know them, I don't just makes them up to bother you. Sometime, I will simplify a rule or regroup a few "grownup rules" for you. Because there are other, more complicated, rules that I can't directly ...


55

First, please know that I agree 100% with @David Hedlund's answer in its entirety. I just want to address one particular point that needs to be stressed. His teacher says if this type of behavior continues, his language base will be weak and create problems for him in upcoming years. Language skills aren't weak because a preschooler can't/won't write ...


53

The approach we use, with our children, is to focus on understanding the reasons for belief, and the benefits of believing in something even if it's not real. Our oldest never really believed, and I didn't want to push a belief with falsehoods; by 4 he'd figured things out, particularly at his Montessori preschool with older children having intelligent ...


50

Seems to me this is something where the truth is a good answer. You are responsible for her, because of her lack of experience and lack of maturity. The more she can show maturity, the less you need to boss her around. If she can get ready herself without you telling her to - so much the better for both of you!


49

Although it is always wise to be cautious about the safety of your young child, in general it is developmentally normal and natural (and not at all sexual in the adult sense) for a three year old to touch or play with his private parts. It's generally a matter of curiosity, and perhaps increased access if he is recently out of diapers. Adult strong reactions ...


35

I think you have a perfect opportunity to wow her. She should be able to tell you what to do. In the morning we need to brush our teeth. If I forget, you will tell me to brush my teeth. If you want, we can brush our teeth together. We can help each other remember. We are a family. We are a team. We should all help each other remember our tasks. You'll ...


31

Your child is apparently distressed by writing tasks. We don't know why just now, so I would back away from writing for now, to alleviate tensions surrounding that activity at this point, and I think you should ask your teacher to help you in that regard. You are not likely to see much progress in writing as long as your child has an aversion to it, and ...


26

We have explained Santa as a dress-up game that is played at Christmas. So far there hasn't been any conflict about it - after all, children of this age are often quite immersed in all kinds of play. So "revealing santa" is not any different from going to other children pointing out that their doll is not a real baby or that the motor noises come from their ...


21

A young child touching their privates is normal behavior. This paper from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that children become increasingly sexual up to age 5 It goes on to state that self stimulating behavior such as touching privates while at home is observed in 60.2% of 2-5 year olds. Below are some of the most common signs of sexual abuse: ...


14

I pretty much told my daughter as soon as she was old enough to realize what Santa even was that it's a fun make believe thing, but it's not real. I also told her that a lot of other kids in school think it is real and that she shouldn't tell them. I did the same with all the other holiday characters, the religious stuff, and mythical stuff. For the most ...


14

If your child is 3.5, this is a bit young to learn to write. You could look at the Montessori way of learning how to write. They first do a lot of hand exercise (fine motor skills). Then they use their finger and touch sand paper letters. Then they write with their finger on sand. They do a lot of drawing, drawing inside the lines. And only after doing a lot ...


8

If the teacher is saying, as a statement of fact, that your child's language skills will suffer due to problems learning at this age, then the teacher is flat wrong. More than that, I would be deeply suspicious of their teaching methods. It's not impossible that the teacher is the problem here, and your child's reaction is due to the teacher's attitude ...


7

My parent's approached this in the following way: They told me that Father Christmas/Santa was a game that we play around Christmas time. We pretend that Father Christmas is coming to give us presents, riding his magic sleigh pulled by magic reindeer. And part of this make-believe is leaving out mince pies for Father Christmas, writing letters to him and ...


7

This feels so similar to my recent question about my own son (2 and a half). I got good advice there, and through a combination of the techniques presented, a conscious attempt to change my own behavior/attitude, and the typical toddler "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes" passages of stages, it's already resolved significantly. I think the root ...


6

Children can accept things like Santa as a part of their children’s world and know from decent hints that it is a fictional character (like other characters e.g. from stories or books) as soon as they are maybe 3 or 4 years old. There is no point in explicitly teaching them that Santa is not real. (Whenever I thought something explicitly to my kids - „this ...


6

You don't have to explain on the spot. You can just say "i don't have time to explain, you're already late for school. Just do it and i can explain later". This serves the dual purpose of making her get her shoes on, but also the concept that there are appropriate times and places for questions - Some things have to wait until other people are not waiting ...


5

Don't push it at this time, at 3.5 your child is way too young, and pushing it will probably make things worse. Do, however, keep your eyes open for the possibility of a specific learning disability regarding writing, or visual-motor integration challenges. We were in a similar situation, but now at 11 years old the kid communicates verbally at the level ...


5

It often helps in any difficult situation to take some time to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Should I react and say to the other-child to step off because it's disturbing our conversation? Should I rely on what teacher does? What if in my opinion the teacher does not handle that situation properly? I think telling the teacher how to handle ...


4

One thing not covered in the other answers an eye test. My son showed very little interest in reading/writing/drawing when he was in nursery. He got an eye test at 4 years old (it's standard here) and it turns out he requires a very strong prescription. He's long sighted (so had never seen things in focus close up so he didn't hold things closer to his eyes ...


4

Most bunk beds I've seen have the minimum age of 6. I see no way of enforcing this requirement, however. Keep in mind that the biggest risk is not the older baby sleeping on the upper bunk. It's the younger baby that will also want to get up there. In Poland there were several fatal accidents with bunk beds and all of them happened to younger children who ...


4

I've never let my kids believe in Santa, largely because I don't want them to think there's some mystical man bringing them gifts for "being good", when their loving family members are the real source instead. Yes, there's always The Polar Express and the need to believe and all that, but the underlying ideas here are generosity, community and family. That ...


3

I think you should take a relaxed, agnostic approach - say, "I don't think he is real, what do you think?", and then talk about how different people believe different things, and emphasize that this is perfectly OK. When parents keep insisting to their youngest, that he is real, there will inevitably come a time when will realize that you have lied, and it ...


3

First off, congratulations on seeing through the lunacy that has become of a celebration surrounding a man who had no real earthly posessions and encouraged others to ignore the meaninglessness of the passing world around them... Apart from that, you may want to consider what your own definition of the word "lie" is. I personally don't care if someone ...


3

I really like most of the other answers so far, but one idea I haven't seen yet, but I do myself is to sit down with her at a time when you're not running around with other things and make up some rules together. Let her (with a little prodding from you) come up with the rules and let her come up with appropriate consequences if the rules aren't met. If she ...


2

When we learn new things, we very rarely do them right the very first time. Your child is now at an age where he can understand when he does something like writing correctly and when not. It is possible he is unhappy because the outcome is not what he would want it to be, and he has to do two things at once: Learn to handle disappointment Learn to write ...


2

I am the oldest of 5 children. My brother, the youngest, is 12 years younger than me, and uncircumcised. Children learn the rules of hygiene from their parents and then tend to pass them obsessively to their younger siblings. My brother was constantly told not to play with his private parts by his four older siblings. Possibly as a result of this, when my ...


2

The message that I am reading very loudly from your post is that you really feel like you are at the end of your rope with the situation. You probably aren't going to want to hear this but, please, consider consulting a professional. I know it's a difficult thing to do. Aside from the cost, there's that self castigation thing; normal/competent people can ...


2

After your edit it seems that what you've tried isn't working well, try what I do any time my 4 1/2 yo wants me to do things for him and gets fighty about it. Which is I just do what he asked but wrong. For example, if he wants me to pick him up, I'll pick him up by the ankles and dangle him upside down and play dumb and say "what do you mean not like this? ...


2

This has become quite long and wordy; sorry, I don't think I can trim much without losing the important parts. The section headings can serve as a TL;DR for each section. For many people, it's not just a game or simply pretend; for many, it's a lie Multiple answers here suggest you say it's pretend or a game that everyone is in on. The problem is this ...


2

So I personally dislike the idea of Santa. Although the Siberian Santa Claws and Turkish Saint Nicholas origins are very cool, I find then contemporary concept of Santa is the antithesis of 'Christmas Spirit'; Santa now seems to represent consumerism, greed, and ways to scare or manipulate children into behaving. Not giving, coming together, good will to all,...


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