91

I have to challenge your entire premise, which may get this post deleted, but I hope you get a chance to read this before it is deleted. In simple terms this is a case of, Majoring in the minors and minoring in the majors. Focusing on who is right and who is wrong won't solve anything because you will get opinion based answers that ultimately come down to, ...


62

Let's recap the question from a more objective viewpoint... as right now the premise for the actions which have been taken seem to be incorrect (at best.) The boy has been behaving well academically which rightly deserves to be rewarded. He installed malware on his computer in an attempt to install video games, then denied doing so when confronted. It ...


55

I have been the bullied child. What my parents tried to teach me was being able to stand up for myself. Trusting in my self-worth and independence. A parent can help with the first steps on this way, but in the end the child has to develop this mostly on his own. It will take a long time. You can help him find good responses to bullies which are not rude, ...


50

Am I the only person who thinks that it's entirely trivial for the next person to use the toilet to correct the seat position for their needs? I don't see why this is worth complaining about. Just teach your kids to make sure the seat is where they need it to be so that they can do what they need to do, and leave it at that. The whole "men must be the ...


50

Whatever you and your spouse decide to do, please please do not ask your kids to decide who their primary guardian will be or what their living arrangements will be. I found this approach terrible when my parents did it when I was 14 or 15. I strongly feel that this is the reason why I still do not feel emotionally close to them even though they are ...


37

I liked @Willow Rex's answer quite a bit, and I think it can solve your problem. However, there's another aspect to your question that I think can be addressed if you so desire. Since you already told the teacher in charge and she dismissed your concerns out of hand, then discuss it with the principal. If you get no results there (they really should take ...


36

I will address only one issue: At roughly what age levels is it appropriate for the kids to have what levels of say in their upbringing? At every age, a child should have a voice about their preferences and should be heard and dealt with respectfully (patience, kindness, consideration.) But from birth, a parent is responsible to do the best for their ...


34

From a more general angle. We allow kids in the family to use tablets, but of course this is under supervision. There is a dedicated docking station where the tablets are. Tablets must be used within the room where the docking station is located. Tablets must be returned to the dock when they are not in use. Exceptions are made, and are considered ...


31

Children should be involved in, and have input on, life changing things - but while they get an opinion that should be considered they do not get a vote; that is why they are children not adults. You are the parent(s), "man-up" and make the hard adult choices, while considering their opinion and wishes, but more importantly what is best for them. Nothing is ...


30

As a male who previously worked customer service for feminine care products, I think I might be able to provide some advice here. Get familiar with the different feminine hygiene brands. Assuming you are in the US, that's Kotex, Always, Stayfree, Tampax, Playtex, etc. Don't just assume that having the talk is the end of it. There will be an adjustment ...


28

Have you tried explaining to her what it means? Not in its entirety of course, but maybe something along the lines of: Giving someone the middle finger is like telling them, in the meanest way possible, that you dislike them. This goes beyond 'not being polite' and, besides making the person you are giving the middle finger to feel very bad, it reflects ...


26

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


20

As a person with ADD, I can tell you what helps with me. Post-it notes! Put a post-it note or a bright colored sheet on the wall reminding everyone (don't single him out) to "Please close the toilet seat when you have finished your business". Bright colors! I use neon yellow post-its to remind me of things I have to do consistently.


20

To agree with several of the above non-answers, and actually answer the question, as posted: the healthiest, smartest, most sensical means of teaching him to either not raise the toilet seat or to at least return it to closed would be ...to be a good example. For the several reasons already mentioned about gender roles, health, toddler safety, etc, ...


20

I like Chris' answer, but consider that there is a difference between spiders and guns. Guns are actually dangerous, while many spiders we encounter daily aren't. So while your daughter's anxiety might be somewhat inexplicable considered that she's not afraid of your revolver, it certainly isn't irrational or misplaced (see footnote below). If I were you, I ...


18

I would suggest the following strategy: Learn the facts. Do a bit of reading to make sure you know the whole story, perhaps by talking to female friends. Then give a frank and honest account of what will be going on in the girl's body and why. Make sure the girl has tampons or pads available for when the event happens, and make sure she know how to use ...


18

First, puberty and all the emotions that go with it, include trepidation for even the "girly-girls." The arrival of breasts is also highly troublesome for girls that do a lot of dancing (changes center of gravity and REALLY messes with spins and turns). The whole thing has a lot of negatives for anyone that is choosing to look at it that way. It might ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


17

Explain it to him as it is, in such abusive environment where they rip the childhood out of the children you have no choice but to be honest as the damage has already been done. You should explain to him that he might get executed and those whom he love might get hanged, if he is smart enough to ask questions about Allah then he is smart enough to figure ...


17

What should you do? Nothing, you are not the parent, you just gave a gift that was deemed appropriate by the parents. You wrote yourself that you didn't have a Nintendo when you were little but all your friends had one. Now imagine him not being able to play "Pokemon GO" while all his friends can play it. I think it is the responsibility of the parents to ...


17

I am going to comment and answer each paragraph. (Keeping it civil and not fighting in front of your son is absolutely the way to handle it. You aren't 'fooling' your son, but you are modelling how to handle a difference of opinion without being rude or coming to blows.) Your son knows you care and you show him by taking him to sporting events and on ...


15

Apologize to them. This reaction may be even more about you lying to them, than about the separation. Kids are not stupid, and may have suspected something is up already. Put yourself into their situation: the world that they know is falling apart and every one is being dishonest with them. They NEED someone to trust. You will have to rebuild that trust. ...


14

You haven't described the exact nature of your son's message, but it seems to me that the multiple punishments you have given him will certainly have transmitted YOUR message by now regarding the attitude of you and your husband to his action. At this point I'd suggest that you both start to switch your focus from how to punish him further to finding out ...


14

You have my sympathy. Having one child with encopresis is awful. I can't really imagine accurately what it's like to have two children with this problem. Parents of children with idiopathic constipation often blame themselves and their toilet training problems (which were often present). First a quick reassurance: a rectal examination finding stool in the ...


14

Am I overreacting?? Possibly. Probably. To adults this act - showing a young person a beheading - is horrifying, because we know all that it means. But a child might not see it that way, especially if they are exposed to violence in games/TV shows, etc. It was probably sensational to your nephew and he wanted to impress someone else with his sensational ...


13

Parents First I assume your sister is the mother. Why isn't she (or his father) talking to him about it? Not that you can't or shouldn't, just feels like it should come from the parents first. Plus the perspective of a girl would probably be good as well, as she could explain why this situation would make her feel bad if she were the girl being asked like ...


13

I have no idea what any kind of "best" action could possibly be. What I would want to make sure of is that no matter what interaction I have with my kids about the death of their other parent I want to be clear what is happening inside me (and deal with that) from what is happening inside them (and help them deal with that). They are two different aspects of ...


13

Be consistent. Rather than making the toilet a "special case", focus on teaching your child to close things he's opened when he's done with them. If you open the fridge, you close the door when you're done. When you open the door to go outside, you close it when you've gone through it. If you open a jar of pickles, you close the lid when you're done. If ...


13

Your body is yours. Unless you expressly consent to a hug on each and every occasion it's de jure harrassment. However, you've not given express consent each time, so what now? If you want a legal option, move your question to Workplace.SE or Law.SE. Since you asked on Parenting, I assume you want a softer response: guidance on changing the kids' behavior. ...


12

People are human and every couple fights. While not every argument is a door slammer (ideally none of them are), it's very likely that most if not all of the girls there have heard their parents argue before. But what the girls may not have experienced before is being in a relatively strange man's house while he is out of control. It is a frightening ...


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