55

I have been the bullied child. What my parents tried to teach me was being able to stand up for myself. Trusting in my self-worth and independence. A parent can help with the first steps on this way, but in the end the child has to develop this mostly on his own. It will take a long time. You can help him find good responses to bullies which are not rude, ...


43

It seems to me that being shouted at is likely to make any child cry, particularly by an older child. Shouting is not nice, and intimidating particularly from an older child. Door knocking i've not seen before, but if door knocking includes fairly loud knocking, it could also be a bit disturbing. More likely to me, he's concerned about some change when ...


37

Like the others, I disagree that you should buying your child "everything". But I feel there is an important distinction other answers don't bring to the point, although some skirt it. When your children asks for something "everybody has", ask yourself: is it a status symbol, or a tool prerequisite for participating in an activity common among its peers? ...


33

When confronted with these issues for the first time, we asked ourselves these questions: Can we afford to have everything all our peers have? If not, when and how did we learn to not to let this bring us down? Do we calculate our self-esteem depending on whether we can buy the same things our peers do? Seeing some of the things their peers have, do we ...


32

I'm sorry for what you're going through; bullying is terribly distressing and something that can make you feel really helpless as a parent. Helpless, because it's an acute problem with no quick fixes. I think, however, there are several things you can and should do in this situation. In communicating with your child Your top priority is to reinforce your ...


31

This really resonated with me. From my own experience, and speaking as someone who danced ballet for a number of years (in point shoes), wore girlish clothes and make up, etc... –– it's impossible to know who your son is going to "be" when he's an adult. People tried this a lot with me. It was always painful when I was sat down and given the "talk" that "...


22

If he doesn't listen break his nose and forget about the toy Yes, this would be a wrong thing for several reasons, not least the cost/benefit of "playing with a toy" at the age of five vs "eventual expulsion" if he internalises that message. I've heard stories of kids who were let off of punishments where they'd done something daft, and immediately gone ...


21

I hear a couple different things here, so I will approach them 1 at a time. First, your girl... News flash: ready? She's 3. 3 year olds don't know much about anything, let alone how to effectively defend themselves to a bully. So that's where parents come in. Most adults don't even know how to effectively handle a bully. She likely can't even remember what ...


18

Being brave is not the absence of fear, it is doing the right thing even though you are afraid. Fear is good, it is based off of natural preservation instincts and can warn of danger. You need to teach him about the things that are more important than self preservation: Teach him about principles and standing for them, Teach him about chivalry, teach him ...


17

I think that money is not the most important factor here. I think that the reason the children usually have these costly toys (and I mean toys, since most kids do little more than play on them) like smartphones, laptops, tablets, PSPs, etc. is not because their parents care about them; it's often because they actually neglect them. The device is not ...


16

As Ian MacDonald said in the comments, your grandson should be disciplined. He needs to understand that hitting people is wrong (except in self defence). Having your granddaughter learn some karate is not the answer for the following reasons: She is physically weaker and less coordinated than your grandson. There is no realistic prospect of her being able ...


15

His classmates are rewarded by the spectacle of his tantrums as well as the group feeling of having a common target. Unless he can control the tantrums and ignore all taunts, I fear the only option is to change his environment to a more welcoming one. That may mean changing schools or getting ALL the parents to make sure their children behave.


12

When I first read this question, the first word that came to my mind was bullying. You're in a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" position here, and you need to choose 1) what's really best for your kids, and 2) what heartache you want to face. First, do you have the means, and live a lifestyle, that allows you to give your child everything ...


12

Of course he should defend himself. some boys are stronger than girls, some boys are stronger than other boys, none of that negates your right to defend yourself. He is being bullied and instead of helping him his mother is actually telling him if he defends himself then he is one that is wrong, oh and by the way your not as clever as your step sister. ...


11

If you have talked with the principal, then: Write a letter to the principal mentioning that you talked to him or her but you were not satisfied, and copy the teacher, the School Board and the parent (send that letter through the classroom teacher). Do not lie or exaggerate even a little tiny bit. Ask for a response in writing. Also ask what the policy is ...


10

The girl needs more firm supervision and training, because other kids will not be so tolerant and will deal with it in a "natural" manner when adults aren't looking. If she can't behave around other kids, then she needs to either be removed from other kids until she has learned her manners, or left with other kids who have no such restrictions until they ...


10

I have no kids, however I can tell you what worked for me as a bullied teenager, and may be useful for others. I live in Mexico, where bullying is present from kinder garden to, sometimes, high school: It is always hard to be a kid with disadvantage over the bullies, most of the times it's all about physical strength. That's how I grew up, since I was ...


9

Sorry, I would move out. Bullies are quite distressing, but if you have them INSIDE your home, the result is you do not have a place to call home, a safe relaxing, comfortable place. Move out as soon as possible.


9

Fearlessness is basically stupidity. You can be fearless only if you are stupid enough not to be able to realize the consequences of a serious action or danger. Strength is doing what needs to be done or what is right, DESPITE fear, DESPITE being able to realize the potential grave consequences of an action which you may have to take or an event which you ...


9

Ah, the heartbreak of parenthood (I'm serious.) You have asked what you can do. You say your son offered a half-hearted apology. If you want him to learn why his behavior hurts others as well as himself, he'll have to do a lot better than half-hearted apologies. Most people believe a sincere apology is enough. I believe firmly in restitution accompanying an ...


9

This is child abuse by an adult, plain and simple. Assuming you can't get out immediately, you should make your point of view clear to your room mate and/or his son. Tell them that if the abuse continues then you will involve the police.


8

Talk to the school. They should have an anti-bullying policy. Get it and insist that they apply it in this case. Write to the teachers. Identify the specific hurtful behaviours being used and insist that they are stamped on. The only way to stop this is to make it clear to the bullies that their behaviour will not be tolerated. Bullying is child abuse, no ...


8

This has to be one of the most painful parts of parenting. It's good that the teachers are contacting you**; having Cain's parents sit in, though, while very important for Cain and his parents, is not much of an action plan. What are the school's written policies? All schools should have one in place; even in preschool. Ask to read it. Bullying often ...


8

I would teach my son "mean people are mean and that isn't because of anything about you". My son has long hair. He was about 2 when he asked me why he has to cut his hair and I don't. I had no good explanation so I simply told him he doesn't have to either. After that he didn't. He loved his long hair, until one day some very mean children were mean ...


8

I want to give you as full an answer as I can. My background is that I used to be a school teacher, I have 3 young children who have 5 cousins, and I teach a 5 to 8 year old room at church. My wife is a pre-k specialist and I learn a lot from her too. Please remember that when 4 year old's hit it is not the same as older kids. Generally it isn't bullying ...


8

No 2.5 year old should have to deal with a bully, even to the extent of calling for help. If this is happening regularly then the kindergarten is failing to supervise the children properly. If at all possible you should move your daughter somewhere else.


7

Very difficult subject... Tackle the Problem from the Inside It's the most effective, and the point you have the most impact on. It sounds possible zen and overreaching, but the child need inner-strength, and, above all, inner-peace. It's going to be very difficult, but someone would need to help the child to be more passive about the assaults and not ...


7

I think before anything is done, you have to talk to the teacher to learn more. You need to verify that what your child is telling you is accurate. If it is, I would recommend going to the owner/operator of the daycare and asking them what their action plan is for this. At my child's daycare, there are two separate classes for each age/grade level. Perhaps ...


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