55

I have been the bullied child. What my parents tried to teach me was being able to stand up for myself. Trusting in my self-worth and independence. A parent can help with the first steps on this way, but in the end the child has to develop this mostly on his own. It will take a long time. You can help him find good responses to bullies which are not rude, ...


43

It seems to me that being shouted at is likely to make any child cry, particularly by an older child. Shouting is not nice, and intimidating particularly from an older child. Door knocking i've not seen before, but if door knocking includes fairly loud knocking, it could also be a bit disturbing. More likely to me, he's concerned about some change when ...


36

Like the others, I disagree that you should buying your child "everything". But I feel there is an important distinction other answers don't bring to the point, although some skirt it. When your children asks for something "everybody has", ask yourself: is it a status symbol, or a tool prerequisite for participating in an activity common among its peers? ...


33

When confronted with these issues for the first time, we asked ourselves these questions: Can we afford to have everything all our peers have? If not, when and how did we learn to not to let this bring us down? Do we calculate our self-esteem depending on whether we can buy the same things our peers do? Seeing some of the things their peers have, do we ...


30

This really resonated with me. From my own experience, and speaking as someone who danced ballet for a number of years (in point shoes), wore girlish clothes and make up, etc... –– it's impossible to know who your son is going to "be" when he's an adult. People tried this a lot with me. It was always painful when I was sat down and given the "talk" that "...


21

I hear a couple different things here, so I will approach them 1 at a time. First, your girl... News flash: ready? She's 3. 3 year olds don't know much about anything, let alone how to effectively defend themselves to a bully. So that's where parents come in. Most adults don't even know how to effectively handle a bully. She likely can't even remember ...


18

Your first question is what causes a child to become a bully, and there are many possible causes, most of which directly relate to low self-esteem: observing parents and siblings exhibiting bullying behavior being victimized by a bully receiving negative messages or physical punishment or experiencing controlling behaviors at home or school living in a ...


18

Being brave is not the absence of fear, it is doing the right thing even though you are afraid. Fear is good, it is based off of natural preservation instincts and can warn of danger. You need to teach him about the things that are more important than self preservation: Teach him about principles and standing for them, Teach him about chivalry, teach him ...


17

I think that money is not the most important factor here. I think that the reason the children usually have these costly toys (and I mean toys, since most kids do little more than play on them) like smartphones, laptops, tablets, PSPs, etc. is not because their parents care about them; it's often because they actually neglect them. The device is not ...


15

Having been bullied in more than one school, I can provide these observations from the "victim" perspective: bullies enjoy being mean more than being kind bullies enjoy the attention they get from others who think their behavior is cool (make ten people laugh by making one person sad) bullies encourage each other bullies are compensating for something (you'...


14

His classmates are rewarded by the spectacle of his tantrums as well as the group feeling of having a common target. Unless he can control the tantrums and ignore all taunts, I fear the only option is to change his environment to a more welcoming one. That may mean changing schools or getting ALL the parents to make sure their children behave.


12

When I first read this question, the first word that came to my mind was bullying. You're in a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" position here, and you need to choose 1) what's really best for your kids, and 2) what heartache you want to face. First, do you have the means, and live a lifestyle, that allows you to give your child everything ...


12

Of course he should defend himself. some boys are stronger than girls, some boys are stronger than other boys, none of that negates your right to defend yourself. He is being bullied and instead of helping him his mother is actually telling him if he defends himself then he is one that is wrong, oh and by the way your not as clever as your step sister. ...


11

I would say something along the lines of "That's not a very nice way to talk to our friends" to the children in question. The parents would invariably notice what you said and may choose to follow it up with more stern words if they feel it appropriate, depending on the situation. If the child/children continue at least the other parents are now aware of ...


11

If you have talked with the principal, then: Write a letter to the principal mentioning that you talked to him or her but you were not satisfied, and copy the teacher, the School Board and the parent (send that letter through the classroom teacher). Do not lie or exaggerate even a little tiny bit. Ask for a response in writing. Also ask what the policy is ...


10

First, you should know that five is a typical age for a lot of "testing the waters" When I started teaching Middle School, people used to say, "must be quite a leap from preschool and kindergarten." and I laughed replying, "Nope, same shitty attitudes, they're just focusing their attitudes at different things." Obviously, in some ways I was joking, but ...


10

Ugh. I have a first wife, too. She also was a fool. Still is. Quick tip unrelated to the forum: If you break things down to the most obvious base elements, she simply cannot be argue without sounding like a moron. "So I punish the child for lying and you really think I'm being abusive?" Which is the ham-handed segue into the topic at hand. What has ...


10

The girl needs more firm supervision and training, because other kids will not be so tolerant and will deal with it in a "natural" manner when adults aren't looking. If she can't behave around other kids, then she needs to either be removed from other kids until she has learned her manners, or left with other kids who have no such restrictions until they ...


9

Sorry, I would move out. Bullies are quite distressing, but if you have them INSIDE your home, the result is you do not have a place to call home, a safe relaxing, comfortable place. Move out as soon as possible.


9

Fearlessness is basically stupidity. You can be fearless only if you are stupid enough not to be able to realize the consequences of a serious action or danger. Strength is doing what needs to be done or what is right, DESPITE fear, DESPITE being able to realize the potential grave consequences of an action which you may have to take or an event which you ...


9

Ah, the heartbreak of parenthood (I'm serious.) You have asked what you can do. You say your son offered a half-hearted apology. If you want him to learn why his behavior hurts others as well as himself, he'll have to do a lot better than half-hearted apologies. Most people believe a sincere apology is enough. I believe firmly in restitution accompanying an ...


9

This is child abuse by an adult, plain and simple. Assuming you can't get out immediately, you should make your point of view clear to your room mate and/or his son. Tell them that if the abuse continues then you will involve the police.


9

As Ian MacDonald said in the comments, your grandson should be disciplined. He needs to understand that hitting people is wrong (except in self defence). Having your granddaughter learn some karate is not the answer for the following reasons: She is physically weaker and less coordinated than your grandson. There is no realistic prospect of her being able ...


8

I'm not an expert at this; I do help look after my partners three kids and I have a son of my own who lives with his mother. But from my experience, and from what I have read over the years, a child usually becomes a bully if there are problems at home: not enough attention, or the child is getting bullied at home. It is mostly a cry for help, or trying to ...


8

When I was growing up there were times when I was troubled but I didn't tell my parents because I wanted to deal with it on my own, and I didn't want to worry them. I was also concerned that if I told them I would lose some of my freedom. So how do you know? You don't. One of the things you have to accept about being a parent is that you cannot control ...


8

Talk to the school. They should have an anti-bullying policy. Get it and insist that they apply it in this case. Write to the teachers. Identify the specific hurtful behaviours being used and insist that they are stamped on. The only way to stop this is to make it clear to the bullies that their behaviour will not be tolerated. Bullying is child abuse, no ...


8

I want to give you as full an answer as I can. My background is that I used to be a school teacher, I have 3 young children who have 5 cousins, and I teach a 5 to 8 year old room at church. My wife is a pre-k specialist and I learn a lot from her too. Please remember that when 4 year old's hit it is not the same as older kids. Generally it isn't bullying ...


8

No 2.5 year old should have to deal with a bully, even to the extent of calling for help. If this is happening regularly then the kindergarten is failing to supervise the children properly. If at all possible you should move your daughter somewhere else.


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