148

I was the oldest of six kids. My youngest brother was born when I was 18. By the time I escaped to college, I knew all about babies. I could change a diaper in fifteen seconds flat (well, okay, the really nasty ones took a bit longer :). I knew how to play the "here comes the airplane" game to get a stubborn child to eat his carrots. I could bathe a ...


131

Play all the music. See what he enjoys. Play that. I have some bad news. Your son is quite likely to love dumb bouncy pop stuff like "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" because he's two and it's all bouncy. Or he may go nuts for the theme tune to "Batman: Brave and the Bold" or "TMNT" because they're connected to the bright picture box. Or he may just really be ...


75

If you want them to accept your approach, you're going to have to show them you've truly mitigated that risk. The only way I can see to do that is landing some good-paying ($25/hour+) programming work and delivering to satisfied customers. I wish you the best of luck, but I highly advise you to keep as many options open as possible. Life rarely works out ...


59

If by interrupting, you mean undermining your husband's parenting, yes, you are doing that. It doesn't mean that your husband is always right or that your approach is wrong; it only means that you disagree on how to handle things and are not making an effort to present a united front to your child. ...we should learn to improve parenting instead of ...


56

You have my sympathy, and a lot of it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Part of this is the age.* TL;DR: You're not alone. Many have walked this path and come through on the other side with a "good" kid. Find a good family therapist. ...the therapist didn't really seem to help much mostly because he refused to cooperate. Change is hard to effect....


53

If you are ever going to be able to convince your parents about this, you first need to understand them. If you don't understand what they are thinking and what they value here, your arguments are likely to miss the mark and have no effect. I assume your parents are like most in that they want the best for you. They want you to have a better life than ...


44

I agree that this couple could probably benefit from some couples counseling. Mom is putting an unfair burden on dad and it may take some support from an outside party to help both parents understand how this might impact both their marriage and their child's future feelings about each of the parents. In the meantime, however, even though you mentioned ...


38

Let him listen to whatever he wants and let him BE whoever he wants to be. Just because you would like your son to listen to certain type of music or you would like him to be a musician doesn't mean you should pressure him and manipulate him into something he may not enjoy. Show him the ropes and have him listen to your favorite music, but arguing over it is ...


36

I'm writing this as a guest because I don't want this associated with my professional account, but I feel I can help you understand your son because he sounds just like how I was at that age. I used to break things, cuss out my parents, all the things you listed, etc. It started when I was in junior high after being rejected by my peers, especially the ...


36

You and your wife have a fundamental disagreement here. Not necessarily about parenting. If you have expressed that this makes you unhappy and your wife is on board with the necessity of disciplining your son and your wife continues to dodge even though you've asked her to stop avoiding this necessary chore, then she's essentially giving your emotional ...


35

I also had parents that enforced curfew and rules on me past the time that it would normally be expected (until I completed college), and the thing that helped most was proving that I had moved past the need for external rules. Moving past the need for rules doesn't mean "too old to be expected to obey", but "able to know what the right thing is and do it ...


26

Teenagers are hard to live with when you've known them all their lives. It's harder still when you've only met recently. Step-parents often don't know that the teens are sulky and stroppy to everyone, and assume it's a specific reaction to them. A house rule that nobody is allowed to swear or yell at anybody else might help. At this age, you really need ...


26

I will answer this from the point of view of, once upon a time, the child in this situation. I don't know if any of this applies to your friend's child as I don't know him, but perhaps it will for others in a similar situation if nothing else. I was the 'perfect' student as a child; always the teacher's pet, always the top of the class, always wanting ...


24

In addition to the other excellent answers about your son playing you off each other, I wanted to add one thing. If you're like a lot of families, one parent spends a lot more time taking care of the child than the other. I'm assuming that's you. Because of that time discrepancy, your husband is just plain not going to be as good at doing care giving ...


22

I'm not sure you do have to tell them, at least not now. What seems to be the urgent issue is this job. If you really think you can't stand doing it for a little while (I assume it's temporary?), which may look good on your CV (resumé), then you have to break it to them seriously but gently. I would suggest avoiding the theological issue if possible. These ...


22

From my personal experience, if you want your child to enjoy the things you do, make it fun and expose them to it regularly. My son is 4 now, but when he was younger I would sing to him every night while putting him to bed. It's probably been about a year since I've done this, our routine has changed, but earlier this week he asked me to sing to him like I ...


21

Losing your temper and yelling at a child, whether it was appropriate or not, should always be apologized for. As a parent it's our job to keep our cool and handle whatever our children throw at us. Sometimes that's easier than others; and sometimes we will fail to keep calm. Regardless of what the child did, a parent should apologize for losing his/her ...


21

If he brings in studies, you can always do the same... but they should be balanced ones, that nevertheless support your point: that yes, compared to most legal drugs, it may be harmless: in moderation and for an adult! An added benefit would be that you can teach him how to actually read and evaluate studies. Make him aware of interaction between drugs as ...


20

Having gone through to almost the same process and ending up in a position that works out pretty well, I can say that this approach can work, assuming you really are as smart as you claim to be. A good programmer without a diploma is more likely to be hired than a poor programmer with a diploma. (In my area However, if you want to get hired, people need to ...


20

It sounds like, to me, that you do not both agree on discipline. Your wife may well say she does, but I'd guess she doesn't, and simply doesn't want to argue with you about it (perhaps, argue again). Actions speak louder than words, after all. It's certainly important for the two of you to have some consistency, but it's not necessary for you to be ...


18

Kids need to be shown how to apologize and who better to learn than their parents. Consider the alternative: you never apologize to your kids even though there are numerous times where you should have. Yes you will control your kids to an environment where it will be easier for you to live in, kids will fear you, they will perform, but they will not grow ...


18

What a difficult, painful and important issue. And congratulations on recognizing the long-term effects that the situation might have on your children. Divorce can affect a child's relationship with their parents, and creates stresses which can interfere with their natural development. While divorce per se does not seem to negatively impact children in the ...


17

First off, you will argue. That's normal; that's part of being in a relationship, as I'm sure you've figured out. Having a child will only add stress to the relationship, so that means you will have arguments. Especially when you go on car trips together (close quarters for extended periods), visit relatives, etc. Here's the thing: The way that you argue ...


17

Listen and sympathize with the child. "Oh dear. That doesn't sound good. I bet you felt bad afterwards". Then discuss the situation. Ask why the child thinks the teacher did that, what the child can do in future. This is supportive and encouraging the child to develp their own strategies. You can mention the fact that sometimes people make mistakes. You ...


17

Here's my personal take on this...like you, my husband and I often disagree on parenting issues, and we have managed to work out some practices that help deal with these differences. I'd say your husband was correct in that you need to provide a unified front, especially on such minor issues. If you disagree with what he has said, you need to withdraw in ...


15

Be honest about why you are leaving. It sounds like a really terrible job that is giving you nothing but a paycheck, and you don't necessarily need the paycheck. That's a wonderful reason to leave. "This is making me very unhappy, I want to follow my dream, and here is my plan for enacting my dream." Focus on the positives. You aren't very specific about ...


15

Your kids will get their own tastes in music no matter what you do, so it's an unproductive argument to have with a spouse. Do you listen to exactly what your parents played you? I highly doubt it. I certainly don't. My music tastes aren't 100% what I grew up listening to my Dad play. My 3 kids all early on developed their own tastes too. For example, I ...


15

I think you should tell your son to call his grandpa whatever he is comfortable calling his grandpa unless his grandpa asks him to call him something else. You're not overreacting and I think you are right in feeling this way. If your son is uncomfortable with the change, it's not up to her. Explain this to her next time, calmly, without fighting. Don't ...


14

I suggest that you critically examine your own question. Because if you think about it logically, it doesn't make a lot of sense. You start with the statement(s) that you a 23 year old adult... Well yeah, so what? That means you can legally vote, buy booze, and watch porn. You seem to be implying that "adulthood" somehow confers you wit magical rights. ...


13

Therapy is the best thing to do in my opinion. Your profile says you are in California, so there are clinics available and if she is suicidal to the point of attempting it, taking her to a hospital is actually the best way to go. (That may sound odd to those not "in the know", but when I was suicidal, that's where I went and they hold you until they take ...


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