We’re rewarding the question askers & reputations are being recalculated! Read more.

Hot answers tagged

33

My daughter is 16 months (the "terrible twos" begin in the second year of life, remember) and we've always been conscious about discouraging, politely but firmly, any behaviors that cause physical injury. She may not understand all of the words we say, but a firm "no" is pretty well-ingrained as a signal that she's about to get plunked in her crib for 15 ...


24

Your friend is being inconsistent. Her daughter doesn't like having her hand restrained? Does she think perhaps your son enjoys being hit? Talk about "violates bodily boundaries"! It's true that toddlers will naturally hit and bite. One of the roles of a parent is to intervene and to teach other ways of expressing feelings. Without that help, a toddler can ...


15

My view is that it is my responsibility to protect and to teach my child. I have been in the situation you've described, faced with the results of the rather permissive parenting style of your friend. I stopped the younger child hitting my son, saying out loud that hitting is wrong and saying to my child that to respond with violence is also wrong. ...


14

As far as I understand it, when time outs become appropriate depends on what you are looking for from the time out. While you can give a child as young as 12 months a time out, at that age the time out serves more to give your child a moment to calm down rather than as a consequence for bad behavior. A time out for the under-2 year old is designed to provide ...


10

Toddlers this age (and younger) bite. That's just a fact. Most of them outgrow it fairly unceremoniously. They bite for a number of reasons, three of which are 1) reaction, 2) attention, and 3) frustration. Usually this frustration stems from not being able to "use their words" to adequately express their frustration. To combat this, show him all the time ...


9

I agree with Beofett. This particular parenting style seems to be the latest fad among some groups of parents--one of my sisters-in-law happens to be one of those parents. She makes excuses for her sons' behaviors explaining them as "developmentally appropriate" and making little to no attempt to discipline her kids even when their behavior is obviously ...


8

The mum of this child blames my son such as stating that he should learn to assert and defend himself. (...) This is why I suggested to my son that he should gently hold the girl’s hand and firmly say “NO”/“STOP”. My friend is not happy with this and has told him to stop it as this then violates her daughter’s bodily boundaries (...) Then what on earth ...


8

I want to give you as full an answer as I can. My background is that I used to be a school teacher, I have 3 young children who have 5 cousins, and I teach a 5 to 8 year old room at church. My wife is a pre-k specialist and I learn a lot from her too. Please remember that when 4 year old's hit it is not the same as older kids. Generally it isn't bullying ...


7

Ummm...let's accept that the parental 'hitting' is playful or in no way abusive (think about that one for a minute). The only way to really reinforce the message you want her to get is to stop the hitting. Unfortunately, children mirror what they see and hear and they pay deeper attention to those things than to specific instructions. Fortunately, this is ...


5

Standing up for yourself doesn't have to involve violence - and certainly in most cases should not. I suppose if I were attacked by someone and had literally no viable alternative, I would fight back, but in general I would almost always have a viable alternative. That's the key for children in this kind of situation. You should teach him to stand up for ...


5

Don't ignore it. Ignoring works okay for some things, but aggressive actions it doesn't tend to work well with. 26 months is old enough to understand that he's doing something wrong, and to be doing it for a reason. It sounds like you're generally doing the right thing; correct him when it happens, give him a time out, and afterwards tell him that you ...


4

Like you said, avoid exemplifying the unwanted behavior as much as you can. Try to have arguments and disagreements in a civilized tone, with positive body language in trying to persuade the other party to your point of view. Don't make him apologize too much. Cut back on the emphasis of make-ups and "taking damage" from outbursts. In my opinion too much ...


4

Patience, patience, and more patience. It sounds to me like you have a wonderful child and are doing everything you can. Stopping him as soon as you see the behavior and explaining to him that it is wrong with as much patience and love as you can muster with time-outs when necessary are the right thing to do in my opinion. You can try to give him some ...


4

Normally you stop calling a kid by months once they've reached 2 years of age. Your kid is 2 years of age. Recognize that they are an infant and not a baby anymore. Kids mimic actions. Are you and the wife playing around and hitting each other? He doesn't know the difference. Is he watching shows that show hitting in them? I actually don't watch TV around my ...


4

At what age can you start giving time-outs? Each of my children have been different, but I've started giving time-outs from the time they can go up and down stairs safely and understand simple three word instructions, which has typically happened before 2 years old. The stairs thing is simply because our time-outs are on the bottom step of the stairs, and ...


4

As the mom of 2 'energetic' boys, here is my take: escalation doesn't work, and all it teaches is that 'might is right'. My kids are sometimes the 'instigator' and sometimes the 'victim', and in either direction it doesn't work. If you hit back, a 'rough' child might think you want to fight for fun, or might be even more aggressive. Especially at 2, I think ...


4

In children this age, I've found that hitting usually is a sign that they don't know how to handle a situation, and hitting is their attempt to solve it and/or express frustration. Imagine this scenario. 5 year old is playing nicely with 2 year old in the garden. 8 year old comes in and disrupts the nice game. 5 year old tries to think of his options for ...


3

Hitting is done for attention, from frustration, or is an expression of some negative feelings (fatigue or even hunger.) You can keep track in your mind when it tends to happen and try to anticipate this reaction, try to minimize the opportunity to hit (e.g. redirection to another toy/activity) or try to teach a toddler to deal with frustration in a ...


3

Although "nobody likes a snitch", there's a line between "looking for help" vs "snitching". I would avdise to keep on going for the idea "Hitting is bad" cause it definitely is, and teaching your child that when he feels like someone's doing bad things to him, it's more than OK to report to an adult. The adult might then take action, was it simply ...


3

Sometimes children up to a certain age need a "hands-on" approach to their misbehaviour. Let me tell you what happened to both my children, especially to my daughter: We have a clear "no hitting" policy in the family and two verbally competent children who up to this day can yell at each other like a bunch of fishwives but don't retort to physical ...


3

A good general rule for timeouts is 1 minute per age of the child. A timeout isn't supposed to be treated as a "punishment", but a way to remove the child from the problem situation. At very young ages, like 1 or 2, it's long enough to (a) calm them down a bit, and (b) get them used to the concept (introducing it later can be more difficult without ...


3

Your friend is completely out of line by not allowing your child to physically restrain the 2 year old to avoid being hit. This is a perfectly reasonable, non-aggressive response. If the 2 year old doesn't like it, then she will eventually learn that it is her hitting behavior which is causing this undesirable outcome (being restrained). Your friend is ...


3

You need to pressure the school to take effective action. Bullying is child abuse. Your daughter has a right to be safe at school. First, ask for a meeting with the head teacher (I'm assuming that the school is small enough that there is no middle management like a department head here). Ask for the school bullying policy. See what it says about the actions ...


3

Rather than focusing on how to stop the bad behaviour, try instead to work on the underlying cause. The older child is clearly resentful and jealous of her new sibling. This is very common at that age. She doesn't see him as a beautiful, precious new little person. She sees him as a competitor for her parents attention. However, giving her more attention ...


3

Her mother (my daughter) says she cannot cope with this anymore. We are all at our wits' end. I can well imagine. I deeply sympathize. Has anyone dealt with this and what worked? To whom can we turn to for help? A lot of parents deal with this. A lot of parents don't know what to do anymore. While I don't know all of what you've tried, I know it hasn'...


2

Luckily for me my daughter (2.5 years old by now) is far from such behaviour but I'll share what I would do in such a situation. First hit just say "No" firmly and explain that what he's doing hurts. Toddlers understand much more than we think. If he's doing it again, grab him and move him away from his sister/mother for example to his room or just any ...


2

With our three year old son, anytime he used to hit his sibling or someone, we would demonstrate a Shakespearean style stage drama full of intense agony and pain and callout to him letting him know how much it hurts us when he hurts his sibling. Apparently toddlers care a lot about their folks and are genuinely concerned to help them put a magic bandaid ...


2

If it's caused by frustration, then a likely source of that is trouble verbalizing those feelings. Scoldings and time outs (or whatever discipline tactics you've standardized on) are definitely appropriate, and should be enforced reasonably consistently with this. However, they don't address the source cause and thus as you point out are unlikely to ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible