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419

I would strongly suggest some couple therapy before you bring a child into this situation. I worked in a therapy clinic and saw the outcome of overbearing/unreasonable mothering (and fathering). Your wife needs to confront her own issues before she tries re-wiring a child to fit her agenda.


282

Perhaps I have some expertise on this, as someone who has raised one straight and two queer children... You don't get to decide that. She doesn't either. Yes, you can indeed try not to overly gender your kids as you are raising them. But that has little if any impact on who they are. Their personality and identity will assert itself very early. For strong ...


236

Sit them down for a big, honest conversation. Don't make it about what you want, though. Make it about what they want, and especially ask them, honestly, how they think what they are doing right now is preparing you for your adult life. Ask them how they think you'll be able to handle the adult life when you head out to college with zero prep. Ask them what ...


147

I was the oldest of six kids. My youngest brother was born when I was 18. By the time I escaped to college, I knew all about babies. I could change a diaper in fifteen seconds flat (well, okay, the really nasty ones took a bit longer :). I knew how to play the "here comes the airplane" game to get a stubborn child to eat his carrots. I could bathe a ...


102

Seeing parents or other adults naked is entirely unconnected to abuse. See any reports on familial abuse (by far the most common type), and more anecdotally, see the lack of systemic abuse in naturist and nudist environments. I'd support Stephie's comment that naturists tend to be very proper about what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. Your culture may ...


99

From everything that I can find online, it is a positive thing to show affection in front of your kids. It models affection to your children, and it makes them feel more secure https://www.whattoexpect.com/news/first-year/how-much-pda-okay-front-baby-kids/ My own experience agrees with what I have read. I don't think I ever even saw my father and mother ...


95

First up; your parents can protest and disallow it all they want, you're an adult and there is nothing they can really do to stop you from marrying whomever you want and living wherever you want. So if you're afraid your parents will say "no," remember that their opinion of your marriage is, in the end, not an actual barrier. For the same reason, you don't ...


81

If my daughter came home with a nice person or clearly the wrong guy: I'd ask her conversationally what she sees in him and I'd listen. I'd have him over to our home as often as possible -- dinner, a movie night, and invite him on some family outings. Our daughter loves to go to the botanical garden and the museum. I'd subtly reinforce that we are always on ...


77

The definition you've likely found was the definition of talking something out. "to settle something by discussion: Let's not get mad. Let's just talk it out. Please, let's talk out this matter calmly." What the article mentions is a slightly different phrasal verb usage: talking somebody out of something. "to persuade someone not to do something: Her ...


76

If you want them to accept your approach, you're going to have to show them you've truly mitigated that risk. The only way I can see to do that is landing some good-paying ($25/hour+) programming work and delivering to satisfied customers. I wish you the best of luck, but I highly advise you to keep as many options open as possible. Life rarely works out ...


74

You have lots of options. Here's one: At dinner one evening, you can say you have a serious announcement. Then tell your mom and dad that you're pregnant. You're really sorry you slipped up, but it will all be OK, not to worry, because you're in love and you plan to marry the father. Unfortunately, you can't bring the father over to meet them because he's ...


73

First and foremost, that logic is not sound. The argument boils down to "bad things happen no matter what, so why should I try?" To give an analogous example, I can take meticulous care of my car and it could run for 10+ years. But all that care will not put a magic ward around my car to protect it from a storm causing a flood or knocking a tree on to ...


73

Is my wife overreacting or am I wrong here? I don't think you're wrong. It seems reasonable - even admirable - to raise a child encouraging any beneficial interests they have regardless of gender-stereotype. (I say beneficial because some interests are not, e.g. an interest in experimenting with drugs during early adolescence.) If your wife truly wants a ...


72

Pregnancy and how it affects the mother is an intense stew of physical and hormonal changes. Each child may come with a different "stew" recipe. Sounds like the father of her original child didn't stick around, so maybe there's some sub-conscious anxiety as this brings back memories and feelings that preceded that event/issue, as well. In any case, how she'...


71

I do not like my behavior. Parenting is difficult at every stage for somewhat different reasons. Children aren't miniature adults, especially at your child's age. They don't think or process like adults; they don't have a long period of time to learn 'the consequences' of simple behaviors like adults. Even some adults haven't learned yet to accept the ...


68

First, ask yourself honestly: would you react the same way if it were a friend of the opposite gender? Or is part of your reaction based on gender and gender preference? If it is, step away from this and get hold of yourself first. She's 14 and learning about herself. She has a first crush; do you remember your first love? It seems all-encompassing at ...


66

OK, this may take some time but it could get you a bit of freedom. Tell your parents that you want to get a job when you turn 16. Use several excuses like, "I want to save up for college," "To get a job in college it will help if I have some experience," "When I'm at college I'll be pretty far away, I'll need some savings to come back home during vacations,...


59

If by interrupting, you mean undermining your husband's parenting, yes, you are doing that. It doesn't mean that your husband is always right or that your approach is wrong; it only means that you disagree on how to handle things and are not making an effort to present a united front to your child. ...we should learn to improve parenting instead of ...


56

Kids love their parents. This is true the vast majority of the time, even when the parent is abusive and manipulative to an extraordinary degree. Therefore it is extremely difficult to form a close relationship with a child if you are trying to replace their parent. or if you make the biological parent wrong, or otherwise say bad things about them or about ...


55

To rephrase the question you're saying you have a conflicting view with other parents on how their children should be raised and feel it's your place to pass judgement upon them or to change their ways somehow. It is not your place to do either, don't even try. Talk to them about how happy your child is, ask them about decisions they've made and look for ...


55

I really like everything about Erik's answer. The only things I would add is that you have time. If the relationship is right, time will not harm it. Take your time, finish your education and let her finish hers. Next time she is visiting you in your home, start by asking your parents what you can do to make the visit better. Perhaps she felt awkward ...


54

If you are ever going to be able to convince your parents about this, you first need to understand them. If you don't understand what they are thinking and what they value here, your arguments are likely to miss the mark and have no effect. I assume your parents are like most in that they want the best for you. They want you to have a better life than ...


53

Being a father of 2 kids in the same age range and having been switching from an on-site job to a home-office for the past 2 years, I can relate a little bit... Exhaustion Comes With the Job I don't think there's anything wrong with your friend's state of exhaustion. It's a known issue for all parents. At the time of this writing, I haven't had a ...


48

This is actually a pretty common problem. Basically, it boils down to you starting to stand on your own but your parents not liking some of the decisions you've made. They feel that you still need their guidance and protection and you feel that you don't. It's a struggle that pretty much everyone goes through at some point. Everyone's situation is different, ...


47

I don't think you hate your Mother as strongly as you think you do. We always get angry with those that are near us. It seems to be the easiest way to vent. I remember being 16 and the reason why is because it was one of the hardest times of my life. Seeing abuse, anger, hate, and finally a divorce is never easy and it stays with you so you have my ...


47

I really don't know what to do anymore, I just don't think that I can live like this any longer. First of all, I want to assure you that you most certainly can live like this, even though it might not be easy. While staying in touch with limited (or no) access to social media is more difficult than it once was, it doesn't make having friends impossible. (As ...


45

I worry a bit about this statement: "It's not that I'm against that lifestyle, I just not sure that at this stage that I need to be encouraging it either." First, sexual identity is not a "style", per se. Try reversing it to see how it fits: could you just decide that, from now on, you would prefer to have sex with the same gender, and have it happen ...


44

I think you did right. Yes, this is a tough experience to be rejected like this when you are twelve, but if you really never bad-mouthed their father and still have the records of his (non-)visits, you did everything you could. If you kept him from contacting his paternal family, I firmly believe that this would have lead to some "mystified" image of how ...


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