My husband and I constantly have communication problem against parenting. Since I posted here last time about the discrepancies of parenting between us, he was so happy that someone said I should not interrupt what he was doing with kids, and always said that I interrupted him now.
I surely agree and try not to intervene his parenting. But I also feel that either he or I have some misunderstanding about interruption/intervention. And as parents, we should learn to improve parenting instead of something like “so what, this is the way I do it, don’t interrupt me”. I’m not sure about other moms, but I really can’t bear hearing our boy crying. Many times as long as my husband was with the boy, I could hear the boy crying and I felt upset. Why would it be my fault that the boy crying with him (because I did in a nice way that the boy likes?)? Why can’t it be him not doing things properly or not really thinking what the boy thinks? Am I really interrupting him?
For example, early this morning, the kids’ school will have Halloween party and I was kind of late to take the boy to school. The boy ate most of the breakfast but I was hoping him eat some fruit too. So I asked my husband giving him some fruit while I can prepare for something else. Very soon after I left to another room, I heard the boy crying. When I came out, the boy said he wanted mommy to sit next to him instead of daddy. So I said, ok, let me handle it then. My husband thinks I was interrupting him. Later on, my husband tried to put shoes on the boy, but the boy resisted, cried, and asked me to put shoes on him instead. So I said, ok, let me put on the shoes and we leave. My husband said I was interrupting him so I didn’t do it. The boy struggled and cried, grabbed the shoes and ran to me asking me to put shoes on him. So I did. Did I really interrupt my husband? I really don’t want to ruin the boy’s mood in the morning. He already doesn’t like the morning drop-off at school, I don’t want to add any more unhappy mood to make it worse. Actually today he did cry sadly when I left the school and I felt my heart was torn apart. Did I do anything wrong? Is it my problem that the boy favours me over his daddy for most of things, brush his teeth, put his shoes on, play with him, put him to sleep, feed him (he can eat by himself but wants to be fed. I have to admit I didn’t do right about his eating habit at the beginning and should really change), take him to washroom, and change his clothes/diapers etc.?
Once when my husband put shoes on for the boy, the back of the shoes got bended in a little bit so the boy complained, but what he said was “it’s fine” and didn’t fix it, so I did. I can’t understand why it’s fine – we adult would feel uncomfortable when the back of the shoes got bended in, while would it be fine for a kid? My husband said that because he himself was spoiled by his mom he doesn’t want the same thing happens to our boy, but this doesn’t mean we can expect the kids to do something that we ourselves don’t like to do or don’t do! We parents should grow up, change ourselves, and play different roles when the life changes too!
I’m really frustrated. Sometimes I even think it would be much simpler taking care of kids by myself alone.