371

Firstly, I have to admit that while reading your question I was wondering if you're being serious. For me (as a hopeful future father with the same questions in mind), your solutions sound shocking and I would certainly advise against them. To reflect on some points... 1) "no TV ever, no movies, no pop music, no magazines" Does this also mean no friends? ...


204

I've tried and tried to get her to go to counseling but only response I get you can make me go but don't expect me to say a word. So, make her go. Therapists have a way of getting people to talk, and while it may not "cure" her, it certainly can't hurt. I'm not excusing her behavior; I'm sure it's extremely painful and confusing. From her perspective, ...


90

My daughter...was only one in our vehicle that didn't sustain any life threatening injuries (only a broken foot) Your daughter suffered a severe trauma. Such events don't necessarily leave physical signs, but they are absolutely life threatening if left untreated. Suicide is a real threat. If you took your daughter to a doctor to get her broken foot set ...


79

This book works differently for people at different stages of their lives. The lesson for young children reading this book, I believe, is about unconditional love. Children need to know and trust that their parents will always be there for them, loving them without question, even if they need them their whole lives. You could say to your young child, "I'm ...


66

Wow! Well, it sounds as though you want to be the perfect family, and the perfect parents. And it's easy to understand why. Who wouldn't want the best of everything for their children? I have a couple of general comments, I hope you'll find them useful. Oh and before I forget, congratulations on your soon-to-arrive new addition to the family! :) So... some ...


65

I don't like using strength or force to do things, and I am afraid to cause fear or trauma on my little one This dislike of using force speaks for you. However, in this case, it might be the only thing that is guaranteed to be sucessfull in getting her to take her medicine, and it's in her interest, even if she doesn't understand it. This is what parents ...


61

What you should not do is to simply talk badly about a favourite story of his. What you could do instead is put the story into perspective - and don't do this with this fairy tale alone, but with as many as possible. If you do this as an "early start to literary studies" you might actually do him a favour. Topics to cover could be: Core message or ...


59

How do I express my feelings towards him being gay without actually hurting his feelings? Right now, you don't unless he asks. Even then, I'd equivocate ("Give me time to gather my thoughts. This is new to me. But please know that I love you.") You can express your feelings to your wife, or to your priest, or to your best friend. And read about it. ...


56

We homeschool our kids, so perhaps I can provide a unique perspective. A lot of the other answers seem to be primarily worried about friends. People sparked friendships for millenia before television and public education, and they can do so today. It's hard to see when your own childhood friendships formed at school over common pop culture interests, but ...


42

You lack one key: To be wonderful, to be amazing, to be successful, she must not be locked in this overwhelming strategy. Sadly, you are contributing to "this sexist world". It seems the motivation behind her future micro-managed life is that she is female, and as such will require much more "equipment" in order to survive. This is false. Your daughter ...


37

While I think your intentions are good, I think that some of what you are doing will actually have negative effects. Dolls are a perfectly healthy toy - both my son and my daughters played with them. They also all played with toy shops, aeroplanes, racing cars, horses etc. My point is: they are toys. Whether they have any gender affiliation in your family ...


34

It looks from your post that you have very good reasons not to let your mother stay at your place. It seems that in spite of seeing all the reasons why this is a bad idea you are still hesitant. A few points to consider: If your mother stays even for one night it will be harder to ask her to leave or not to repeat her visit in the future. Not everyone ...


31

Let her moan, cry, and delay the inevitable, showing respect for her feelings, but set a timer for these activities. When the timer goes off, it's time to take the medicine. Refusing medicine necessary to get better is not an option, just like playing in traffic is not an option. But respecting her feelings about it is an option. The following is a very ...


29

Is there any possible harm, if I tell my kid now about the hidden meaning of Cinderella? To a certain extent the "hidden meaning" you describe is a somewhat dystopian outlook on relationships. In general, it's considered unnecessary that a 10-year-old know the "cold hard truth" about everything. I don't think most people make decisions in their adult life ...


28

My daughter went through this, and it took a few years until she was old enough to articulate what made her sad about the old photos and stories. While we were all reminiscing and fawning over her cutest, most-precious photos and the priceless moments of days gone by, what she was hearing was that she was no longer so "baby cute" and how we missed ...


27

Well, how do you feel about your son? I suspect, whatever your feeling are about homosexuality, in general, or in this specific case, you love your son very much, and want him to be happy. THAT is what you should express. If you have feelings one way or the other about him being gay, realize that that is not in your realm to control, and expressing opinions ...


24

A child that I am close to (7) has had some events in her life that made her a bit closed off, but she loves to draw so her mother taught her to express herself through drawing. She asked her to draw how she feels each day, and from the reoccurring themes she was able to see that on the days she seemed sad she often drew herself alone and the drawings ...


23

My experience with this (and a 7 and 5 year old child) is that you should not let the child win, but rather adjust the scenario so that the child can win. This ensures there is still a sense of accomplishment in the win, and still requires the child to challenge themselves. I run with my older son from time to time, and as a fairly fast runner myself I ...


23

One classic trick that I've used in the past with my kids is to talk to favorite toy instead of the child directly. The goal is to bait the kid into either talking to the toy or best of all talking for/as the toy. The technique works because it can feel less threatening to talk indirectly about things. I've mostly used this technique when my children are ...


22

I agree with Ola M. You have to draw the line and then stick to it. "Sorry Mum, you can't stay with me." If you make excuses, she is going to be able to find 'solutions', so the only way is to tell the truth. You said you father understands, so I'd tell him the unvarnished truth and see if he has a way of telling your mum that won't be as hurtful. Perhaps ...


21

There are several people here who should be involved, and there are two people to consider whose lives are being impacted in an unhealthy manner. I think there needs to be some adult intervention here. The girl's parents absolutely need to be informed Whatever the true intent behind the girl's suicidal expressions, they are still suicidal expressions. The ...


21

If he brings in studies, you can always do the same... but they should be balanced ones, that nevertheless support your point: that yes, compared to most legal drugs, it may be harmless: in moderation and for an adult! An added benefit would be that you can teach him how to actually read and evaluate studies. Make him aware of interaction between drugs as ...


20

My daughter is about to turn 11, and I have similar hopes for her. Each of the paragraphs below is a category that her father and I have found to be influences on her in some way, and ways we try to approach them. Provide positive examples. This needs to be both men and women, of course: women who embody the values and confidence you hope for her to have, ...


19

Not to disrespect your wife, but she needs to get over it. Kids will show preference towards the primary care-giver but this often flip-flops as they age. It doesn't mean anything with regard to love or respect or even enjoyment of a particular parent. My kids may be "daddy's boy" and "daddy's girl" but if they fall out of bed at night, it's "mama".


18

I agree with everything that has been said about counseling - do that first and foremost. Her situation But let me add this: it is not unheard of for children in puberty to act like your daughter (and the age seems to fit). Obviously you cannot forget the impact of her trauma, but if you had left the story about your accident away and just told us this ...


17

First off, you will argue. That's normal; that's part of being in a relationship, as I'm sure you've figured out. Having a child will only add stress to the relationship, so that means you will have arguments. Especially when you go on car trips together (close quarters for extended periods), visit relatives, etc. Here's the thing: The way that you argue ...


16

The lesson in The Giving Tree is not from the tree's point of view. It is from the boy's. The reader will more immediately identify with the boy, after all (if a child, in particular) - and so the lesson is to be aware of people giving to you, and be grateful for it, rather than continually demanding. The boy doesn't feel happy, after all, until the end - ...


16

Apologize to them. This reaction may be even more about you lying to them, than about the separation. Kids are not stupid, and may have suspected something is up already. Put yourself into their situation: the world that they know is falling apart and every one is being dishonest with them. They NEED someone to trust. You will have to rebuild that trust. ...


15

There potentially could be harmful outcomes of going into detail that is ahead of a ten-year-old's comprehension/experience/understanding: At that age, children are still children, and despite the media trying to persuade us otherwise, the world is a very safe place for the majority of people, and relationships, while rarely perfect are generally positive. ...


15

But I'm more worried about the emotional effects. I'm her mother, she should feel safe and secure with me, but I've completely destroyed her confidence in me. How will she trust me again? This is not your child speaking, but your own worries. I can understand that you are worried, but to reassure you: Your child is incapable of thinking like that. ...


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