55

We're fortunate to have somewhat older children, who need only short attention bursts followed by longer periods of working independently. However, with a 14 month old, you're not going to get that! What several couples that I work with have done is split the time of the day up between them. For example, one couple who both work at my office and have a ...


47

This is actually a pretty common problem. Basically, it boils down to you starting to stand on your own but your parents not liking some of the decisions you've made. They feel that you still need their guidance and protection and you feel that you don't. It's a struggle that pretty much everyone goes through at some point. Everyone's situation is different, ...


38

While you asked about pro/con of more children, I am going to take a step back and puzzle something out of the arguments you presented. Note that your arguments are either very logical (bigger house, more money) or a little constructed (as someone pointed out - age gap and time to kids doesn't really work like that). A side note: One thing you have not ...


35

Going from your answers and with my gut-feeling: Try to get your counsellor to REALLY push for some family-sessions. These are NOT for "you did this, so I did that" blaming, but hopefully for supervised LISTENING. Right now, the relationship to your father sounds deeply broken from both sides, and you both need help to understand each other again. If your ...


28

It depends on the child - some babies sleep through the night when young, some insist on feeding every couple of hours. Some need constant entertainment, some like wriggling in a basket. You'll probably be tired, and not be able to do as much non baby related stuff as you are used to, but you might not care. You'll probably want to spend lots of the time you ...


24

No one seems to have put it the way I would. Many years ago I was browsing in a bookstore with my daughter on my shoulder. An older gentleman asked her age. I told him; she was about 1 at the time. He looked at me wistfully and said, "enjoy them while they're young. They grow up very fast." Now I'm the older man, as that little girl is now 23, and ...


24

To add to Joe's excellent answer: One option I occasionally found helpful is what I'd call babysitting by video chat (or video conference). In our case, there are many people who have free time to look after children, but who cannot do so in person, because of the contact restrictions in place - grandparents in particular. In that situation, a video chat ...


22

My wife, almost two weeks after a C-section, is able to do practically all work related to baby care. Only baths are left to me, and even then she does assist me. I'd like to think we do 50% of the work, but actually she probably does more. I am currently on a leave and soon I will go to work - and during the day she will have to take care of our baby on her ...


22

My husband and I work at home and have a two year old. We Have found the following to work really well for us. Setup a safe play area. We have a play area right by our office that is completely childproof and as large as we can make it in the space. Our daughter is happy to play here by herself. Depending on the day it can be between 30 min or 1.5 hours (...


18

First of great you took the step to counseling, you should continue your visits. But do not expect immediate results, this will likely be a slow process. If I understand your situation somewhat you made some bad choices in (boy)friends and now your father doesn't trust any of your friends anymore. You need to show your father he can trust you again and this ...


15

Wow!! I feel for you. Being a new parent is exhausting, nerve-wracking and a little confusing = it really does take a village. To anwer the question about what your wife can or cannot do, I'll share my experience (though everyone's is different and I don't know which complications she had etc, etc) I had a c-section and was up and moving around doing ...


15

Be honest about why you are leaving. It sounds like a really terrible job that is giving you nothing but a paycheck, and you don't necessarily need the paycheck. That's a wonderful reason to leave. "This is making me very unhappy, I want to follow my dream, and here is my plan for enacting my dream." Focus on the positives. You aren't very specific about ...


15

First, congratulations on becoming a parent! As you have (or will soon) discovered, babies are work. A lot of work. And usually when you'd rather be sleeping or cleaning the baby puke out of your hair. Babies are demanding, have no patience and are vocal about their needs. It can burn anyone out dealing with them constantly. And as you've argued, ...


13

This answer is somewhat in vein of @user1450877, but more specific. As others noted, the main problem is that your parents don't trust your judgement. In a superficial way, it's a situation similar to someone with a poor credit history, and the solution is similar as well. As a parent, the only way to regain that trust is to tangibly demonstrate a ...


12

Parents often try to keep their children from ever having to be uncomfortable. It's a laudable goal, but not only is it unattainable, it often backfires to make it worse. The least traumatic in the long term way to leave the house is to have a going away ritual and a coming home ritual. Say, "I'm going to work," give them a hug, be happy, and leave ...


12

By your own words, your father's belief and your's disagree. Now most parents don't go around proferring the exact nature of their finances to their children, so on that basis I presume you are coming to your own conclusions without sufficient knowledge. You say that your mother struggles to earn money: welcome to life... we all do! You say that she works ...


12

I hope that if you and your wife are ready and truly want children that you will go ahead. However you have to be prepared to parent which is another full-time career and one that should have priority over any other one. In a perfect world, you'll have perfect children. I am not trying to be a naysayer, but if you would be unhappy giving up your usual ...


11

It is very likely that daycare will allow you to bring refrigerated or frozen breast milk and that your partner will be able to pump at work, but it takes dedication and logistics. I will share my experience, as it worked for us and was improved over months of trial/error. I went back to work when my baby was 3 months old. Each day, (after nursing my ...


11

It is hard to say what is best to do without knowing more information, but I'll share my thoughts based on what you said. I can't know what caused your parents to act the way they do, but it does not seem like a supportive environment for you now. If the situation is not downright abusive though (are you physically in danger?), I wouldn't suggest doing ...


9

Not sure if it will work for a 14-month-old, but a 2.5-year-old can already learn to play themselves for 1-2 hours at a time without disturbing the parent. I've used this for extending the time I have available for work, as I've been combining working from home with childcare for about a year now. Of course you'll still need some alternating with the other ...


8

Arguments and logic won't work here. I think (personal opinion) that both parents need to want the baby. Otherwise the relationship between parents (and parent-child possibly) will be strained and who knows what could that cause in the long run. So you have to, literally - have to - reach a consensus. I suggest trying to approach the problem from the other ...


8

As long as the dad is responsible parent that takes well being and security of your son seriously then your son will benefit from having both parents in his life. They both can teach the child about life from different perspective and provide relationship that helps with emotional development. Also the dad has the right to have his son as part of his life ...


8

You are far too nice, and your 7-YO has learned, subconsciously, to manipulate you to get what she wants. Be clear that after 9pm is your time, she will get nothing other than directions back to bed. She is not hungry - you saw her eat dinner. She is not thirsty (leave a bottle of water in the bedroom to halt this complaint) and at 7 she can use the ...


8

It sounds like you have a child who has a hard time falling asleep. This was me as a kid - I didn't do all of the above, but it took me hours to fall asleep, literally. I would lie down with the lights off at 10pm, and not fall asleep for one to two hours most nights - then still wake up around 7am. A seven year old child is old enough to have intelligent ...


8

I don't see that you're lying to her when you send her to her room and then sneak out - that sounds more like tricking her. My question is, will this kind of "lying" to her have any long lasting psychological effects of her when she grows up ? I am not a psychologist but I don't think this will give her permanent problems. But it can very well give her ...


8

I am was born and raised in Asia and spent some time in the US for school and work. I can say that I have seen both Western and Eastern ideologies from both family and friends. In the Western world, it is more about chasing your dream while the Eastern, it is more about taking care of the family and name no matter how bad it gets. What you are experiencing ...


8

You will probably be able to provide your own milk. Talk to daycare facilities you're considering and find out their policy. Some include formula and diapers as part of their services, some do not. Ours required parents to bring in the baby's food (whether breastmilk or formula) and stored it in the fridge with the bottle clearly labeled. Even in cases ...


8

Having a second child is very much an individual decision, and it seems like you have thought about some of the things related to it. Here's my take on some of the possible concerns. My opinion comes from someone in a middle class US household with two parents and two elementary-age children. Financial concerns Having a second child is, unsurprisingly, ...


7

Every parent tries to figure out how to keep their first child from being sad when they leave, and I don't know a single one who succeeded. It's just something kids have to go through, and they will grow out of it when they are mature enough to realize you are coming back. Until that time, any cheering up you try to do just prolongs the agony. If she sees ...


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