Hot answers tagged

132

I would be concerned that this form of punishment might end up teaching the wrong associations, because it artificially connects money to behavior which is not naturally about money. For example, I would be concerned that the children end up believing: the wrong behavior is ok if they are willing to pay the fine two bad behaviors that happen to be fined ...


93

I like the way my mother did: I told my mother I was going to buy my first car. She listened to me, my budget, my pro's and con's and once I had picked a car I could afford and was planning to get it she figured out I was serious and told me that she had "a little something extra" for me. This method meant that I had experienced the pricing of cars, had to ...


91

Mine is getting ready to head off to college soon too, it's a fine line to tread between spoiling and being too detached. The way I put it to my kid is that as long s/he is either gainfully employed or doing reasonably well in education (just generally bettering his situation) I am willing to help out. I wouldn't buy my kid a car unless he put up some money ...


49

Here's a great way that has nothing to do with money but instead something tangible that's easier for young minds to grasp. Plants! What you want to do is get your hands on some heritage-grade seeds - the sort that will grow plants that then make their own seeds that will produce more plants. Some sort of beans might be a good choice, but look into various ...


47

Buy him a used vehicle. Let hm earn his first "new" car. I am like you; I worked for everything I got. I started working after school at 15, and at 17 I bought my first used Volkswagen Bug for 400$ (monthly payments of $25, plus insurance and gas. But my parents were poor. Getting help from them was out of the question. I wanted a better life for my kids, ...


40

I seriously doubt that anyone would prosecute you for "fining" your children, regardless of the amount (excluding in the thousands.) So it's not the law you need to be concerned about. Having said that, you asked for feedback. To me, your method of disciplining your children is unjust, and it doesn't make sense. I don't see their reactions, but I can't ...


30

It is never too late to teach your kid where money comes from and what it is worth. Since he is a student, his opportunities to earn will be somewhat restricted. Here is what I would do I would tell him that I don't want to have to evaluate individual requests like "Can I have a car?" or "Can I have $100 to go out for the evening?" Instead I want to ...


29

As Toxaris mentioned, the biggest problem with this is that most people will not consider it "punishment for misbehaving" but rather "cost for doing it". There will be a moment where your child says "hm, $10 to punch my brother in the face? That sounds like a great deal.". Probably not what you're going for. I've actually encountered the adult equivalent ...


27

There are many board games in the market which are designed exactly in this way. The overall idea of this kind of games is that you earn points (XPs) and money. Points are important at the end - they make the final score. Money is important only in the course of the game, you need it to get XPs but it is not the goal of the game. The games usually work in ...


20

If he brings in studies, you can always do the same... but they should be balanced ones, that nevertheless support your point: that yes, compared to most legal drugs, it may be harmless: in moderation and for an adult! An added benefit would be that you can teach him how to actually read and evaluate studies. Make him aware of interaction between drugs as ...


15

This depends significantly on your child, their behavior, interest in college, work ethic, etc. My parents did something similar, making me pay for college when they could have covered it (it luckily wasn't too much being in-state with a scholarship). At the end of college they then gifted me the $10,000 they would have spent on college. The idea was for ...


14

"I'm so sorry to have to ask this, but we don't have enough money to live on. Can you help us out financially?" If this is embarrassing, chalk it up as the price to be paid for not having raised the kids to be able to talk about finances in a straightforward manner. Just as with sex, finances are a topic that you MUST educate your kids about as they are ...


14

Is this a problem? My personal feeling is that, yes it is. The issue here is one potentially of child abuse -- not your children, but of M. I would question whether M has been subjected to inappropriate requests, or even subject to CSE. It could actually be nothing, but if M is being abused at home or elsewhere it could save M years of hurt if things were ...


14

The main thing is to be creative and 'declare it to be perfect'. For example i dressed up my son around that age as a dinosaur. I took some old green sweatpants, filled 1 leg with paper, the other leg around his waist and that was his tail the same thing with a famous composer or a historical person. You could make the 'perfect Mozart wig' by just taking a ...


13

Whether it causes resentment or not depends on how much say the child has in the matter. Kids often borrow their older sibling's clothing on their own. A lot of handing down happens even without parental intervention, as one child starts to grow out of something, they are more and more willing to lend it to their younger sibling, until it ends up de facto ...


13

When we were newlyweds, my wife also had trouble spending savings. Her parents had drummed into her over and over the importance of saving, but never taught her when it was okay to spend or not. I think that's because they are somewhat impulsive spenders themselves, and feel guilty themselves, so they project that onto their children. What we did was ...


13

I'd say put in half the money. If he wants a good used car or a new one he can work and save for it, learning to value his work and the car. If he doesn't put in the work, he gets a cheap used car. This is what my parents did for my brother and I. My brother ran his into the ground after many years. Mine lasted about 5 years until an accident made it ...


12

What are the best ways to get a kid to put drugs in their past and move on? You're doing it now, pretty much. You can't change your child's thinking any more than he can change yours. But you can exert the control you have over his behavior by limiting your support of him financially. This is perfectly legit, unless mental illness is involved. As you ...


12

Is this okay? She has been telling me that it's not "normal" or "legit" for her to pay for all of her own clothes... From what you have written, it sounds as though the only major expense you're not assuming is that of clothing. What you are providing is fine, and what you're requiring her to pay for is also fine, I think, though I was a bit more lenient. ...


11

Your mother-in-law is crossing boundaries. The best way to establish boundaries is to answer with few words (your script) and try not to veer from them. Try a genuine "Thanks for the input, Mom" or "Thanks for worrying about us" or just a "Hmmmm." This acknowledges that she is trying to be helpful without defending your position or assigning any value to her ...


11

If they can count well then here is a a quick and easy challenge you can set them: Challenge them to place a grain of rice on the first square of a chess/checkers/draughts board. Then have them place two on the second square, 4 on the next, 8 on the next,... They will soon realise the impossibility of the task and will learn the compound interest/growth ...


10

Legally, a child's money is usually a child's money. There is of course the obvious loophole that allows you to spend the money on behalf of the child, and the fact that law enforcement doesn't bother with such small amounts of money. So practically, there isn't a legal problem, but it may still be counted against you in a battle for custody. Ethically, ...


10

The other answers mention variants of "don't spend too much", which I agree with. One important point that's missing is: Let them know ahead of time. If they need to save up for a car, they should be able to start early enough that they can afford it by the time they intend to buy it. Also be clear that if they pay any money towards the car, it's their car ...


10

I like the general idea of the approach, but not some of the specifics. For example, for every tantrum she throws minus 20c Please don't charge your child for showing emotion, even if she does it to manipulate. The stakes are just too high (potential for it to be a traumatizing lesson), and while you may be good at telling insincere tantrums from sincere ...


9

I am a parent who employs a nanny for child caregiving purposes. I believe we pay our nanny a fair market wage, but if she wanted a raise I would want her to ask for a time to sit down with my husband and I (her joint employers) in person other than a time she was scheduled to work. I would want her to have a reasoned explanation why she deserved a raise. ...


9

I agree that it's typical of many young girls. The approach in our house is that the kids must put 20% of the money they receive in a bank account, and they're allowed to use the rest however they want. One option would be to suggest to your mother that she gives your sister an allowance each week (which could be increased with chores), and to request that ...


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