Hot answers tagged

122

"I always taught him not to care what other people think..." Then congratulations! You have achieved one of your parenting goals. It's a pretty good goal, and will often stand him in good stead in resisting peer pressure, advertising and the allure of material things, etc. I understand you are embarrassed, but in your place, I would ask myself why I was ...


74

You have already seen that you cannot make him do it. So what can you do? There are two distinct goals in your question: You want your son to learn dressing appropriately, and you want him to tuck in his shirt. I think the former is the one that is actually important. So the objective is that your son understands what messages we communicate through our ...


70

This sounds like a 'perfect rebellion' to me. Your teen is very nearly an adult and could be making other choices that really could be much worse than holey shoes. Part of the growing up process is rebelling and opposing parental views. You are 'not cool'. It is not your job to be cool! Continue to complain bitterly and perhaps insist on 'proper' footwear ...


59

There is absolutely no reason not to reuse the clothes if they are not stained or otherwise unusable. Check the smell. Wash them carefully with the soap you find best for babies as you would new clothes and check them again to be sure. My babies have been wearing clothes I used to wear as a baby - my mother kept everything in the attic for nearly 30 years! ...


36

Teaching etiquette around attire and appropriate dress is an important lesson for young people to learn. At 14, your child has probably already learned some of the social norms for attire. Forcing your child to tuck their shirt in at all times is already a power struggle that you likely won't win. I think it is reasonable to have times where your child is ...


35

The words "efficient" and "toddler" don't really go together. Mostly, you just have to accept that things like getting dressed will take a lot longer while they are learning, and plan time in your schedule for it*. There are a few tricks that can make it a little easier, though. Have one parent hold the child still and assist while the other does the ...


33

Why are so many people failing to consider the peer pressure and the cultural aspects here and basically advising the mother to make her son the odd one out? Notice the skater teens in your own town around you. OP, If you're going to a fancy place or a family gathering explain to him adult to adult that you'd love for him to wear something appropriate for ...


21

I can't say much for "why to look a little more put together in school or in public" exactly because I think if he takes advise from other skaters he may find that you don't need to destroy your shoe while skating. I used to skate when I was much much younger and I remember the total destruction of my shoe. If he's like most skaters, it's usually only one ...


20

Punish her for what? Is it stolen money? Is she not allowed to purchase items with her money without your permission? If you are instead wondering if you should punish her for buying ‘sexy’ undergarments, I would ask you what the offense is and what is the aim of the punishment? It’s likely that, given the inescapable and constant social messaging to young ...


17

My rule of thumb is simple: My children are free to make informed decisions about themselves that will not cause extended suffering or a trip to the ER/doctor or worse. So, if it's freezing outside, I won't allow them to risk frostbite. If we're going to be out for a while, I won't allow them to risk hypothermia. If we're going to the car, then into a ...


16

He has learned that if he doesn't get dressed he gets rewarded with candy. One thing I've learned is never to reward children for doing something basic that they should be doing anyway, otherwise they will expect a reward every time they do it. So: Give lots of extra time to get kids dressed. When planning I always leave 20 minutes for that with my 3 year ...


16

At fourteen, your son is past the age of automatically listening to his parents for most children. Instead, he's nearly an adult in many ways. The parental role shifts significantly around this time; it was once shaping the child, teaching them what to do and what not to do. Over time, though, this changes, and by fourteen the parental role primarily is ...


12

As an adult who rarely wear socks without shoes I'd say either leave him and at three he'll let you know if it bothers him even if it's indirectly. So long as his body temperature is fine then there's unlikely to be any cause for concern.


12

Is this okay? She has been telling me that it's not "normal" or "legit" for her to pay for all of her own clothes... From what you have written, it sounds as though the only major expense you're not assuming is that of clothing. What you are providing is fine, and what you're requiring her to pay for is also fine, I think, though I was a bit more lenient. ...


12

With that background, is getting her into some kind of therapy or at least in contact with a school counsellor an option? OR get someone to help the family in the household? Perhaps even both. I am asking because with the background you describe, her looks really seem just a symptom! She is 13. Her mother is very ill. Her father is barely keeping things ...


11

If there is really a hole through the bottom, give him a logical reason like you could step on a nail or bee. Otherwise, be glad he isn't asking for new $200 shoes constantly. Kids in my area damage their shoes on purpose so their parents will buy them new shoes sooner.


10

As someone who used to skate (though not very well), the more torn up your shoes, especially the dominant foot, the more you skate. It was kind of like a badge of honor. The same reason a football player wears a Letterman jacket, which I'm guessing most parents would rather see their children wearing than trashed sneakers. The trashed shoes are a way to ...


10

Give your daughter a scenario where she is provided a great opportunity to study at an internship with a major player in the career path she is interested in. The internship may require a specific dress code ranging from anything goes to extremely formal. Either way, in order to maintain the required parameters of the internship, she is required to wear a ...


9

I agree that it can be a bother to close a onesie all the way down and find one snap left over. But it's no different than when I button up my shirt (except I wiggle less). I can think of a number of reasons why snaps are used so often: they're not a zipper. The end of a zipper can be pointy which can irritate, and the zipper itself can add just enough ...


9

You're focusing on the merits of planning to do laundry more frequently. He is almost certainly already aware of them. What's most likely going on is a prospective memory failure. I have the same problem, but didn't have a name for it until a few years ago. It's very difficult to understand for people with normal prospective memory. Essentially, he ...


9

But, he's been asked to be the ring bearer in my cousin's wedding. If we accept, the event is going to require a suit. No, it shouldn't be if you accept, it should be if he accepts. If you haven't, then do tell him about the occasion and then do tell him in detail what exactly is he going to do there. Tell him that he can't back out if he says yes once. ...


9

Permanent marker If you use permanent markers like Sharpie brand, particularly fine point ones, they usually don't come off in the wash. The school my son goes to uses them to mark their house clothes if kids get their clothes dirty without any extras at school. You can write on the care tags if your clothes have them or you can write them in a hem where the ...


8

In my experience, we had stages roughly like this: 12 months: Put arms through sleeves. Prior to this I began by puting shirt over neck, then positioned the hand in the arm hole, and then getting him to move his arm through the sleeve. That moved into him finding the arm holes mostly on his own by 12-15 months. That's probably the single biggest time ...


8

It's super common for parents and children to disagree about what a child will need to be wearing in the immediate future (eg, when we get outside.) Anyone who lives in a place with a cold winter has had this argument about coats, hats, gloves, scarves, boots and so on. My approach: say once that I think you should wear this. Take your word for it when say ...


8

If she were a black lipstick girl, would you feel any different? How about tie-dyes with hemp jewelry? Barely legal slut outfits? If you want her to focus more on her appearance, you're asking her to come to your level of reasoning. Good luck with that in a 13-yo. If you instead ask her why she likes to mismatch her clothes and not brush her hair, you will ...


8

While you are asking for suggestions re: how your daughter can express herself with the limitations of being uniformed, I'd like to approach this a bit differently. My answer assumes a rigid uniform policy. I attended a Catholic high school with a very restrictive dress code: one particular blazer (blue for freshmen/sophomores, brown for juniors/seniors) or ...


8

It's entirely possible that she is uncomfortable with the changes in her body. Perhaps she would feel more confident in a sports or athletic bra? It may "hold her in place" more securly and allow her to run and play without drawing the attention of boys her age.


8

He'll go to school in the same clothes multiple days in a row, unshowered I know that if you're living in the US, this is a no-go, but up until a few years ago this was absolutely no problem for teenagers where I live. You showered when you thought you might start smelling (e.g. there might be days you didn't shower), and it was absolutely no problem to ...


8

I am allergic to mold, so I've had to educate myself on the stuff. Hopefully the baby clothes are machine-washable? You'll want to use a sanitizer rather than just laundry soap if there is any mold since mold can sometimes survive washing. I stayed with a cousin several summers ago, and she ushered me out very quickly (I was homeless because of mold in my ...


8

Keep in mind that the way someone dresses is heavily related to their identity, their personality. When she was a teenager, my fiancée discovered a style to which she is still sticking to now. The reason for that is because when she tried it out, she realised that she was feeling much better about herself, because she could now fully express her personality. ...


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