Toddler tells everyone to "go away"

Question

My son who is 2 years and 7 months old has gotten into a habit of telling everyone to "go away". A most recent example happened just this morning. I sleep in another room while he and his little sister (~4 months) co-sleep w/ my wife in another bedroom. In the morning, he called for me on the Apple Watch, and I showed up - but the first thing he said to me was "go away Papa" and he even hit me, even though he called me to come himself.

This happens when his Grandma and Grandpa come to babysit almost every weekday and happens a lot with my wife lately.

This morning, I gently took him out of the bed and told him that it's very rude to say things like that to people and eventually he apologized and said that "he won't be rude to Papa anymore", but we do this every time he says it and it doesn't seem to prevent the behavior.

A little about us: I work on weekdays and usually home at night to help put kids to bed. We spend time together all weekends long. Wife works in the afternoon, and my parents come to babysit for the time my wife is gone and I am not home from work yet.

Any idea as to what the cause might be and what is the best way to respond to this behavior?

Answer 1

My feeling is that this is pretty normal, at least it happened with my children starting around that age (2.5) too. I saw it as one of the signs of them starting to want control of their environment.

If you look at a list of emotional/social milestones, such as this list, you'll typically see in the 2 year old category things like:

• Shows more and more independence.
• Shows defiance, such as doing what he/she was told not to do.

This is something analogous - he's showing independence (by telling you to go away, showing he can be by himself) and defiance (certainly seems quite defiant!).

As for how to handle it; how you handled it seems fine. I would (ideally) go a little further, and explain how it makes me feel, as the general concept "rude" can be a bit complicated and abstract. I'd also explore his feelings, why he's telling you that.

Jonathan, when you tell me to Go Away [in his tone/volume] like that it makes me sad, because it makes me feel like you're not being nice to me. Can you tell me why you're telling me to go away like that?

Assuming he doesn't know why he's telling you - as at least in my children's case, they usually didn't - then some added prompting might help him process the emotion he was feeling.

Jonathan, I wonder if you're saying that because you want some time by yourself? We can ask for that politely by saying "Please, can I have time by myself?", or "Please, can I have some privacy?"

Or, maybe:

Hmm, maybe you are trying to play a game with me, like Simon Says? We can ask for that politely by saying "Please, can I play Simon [/Jonathan] Says with you?"