Embarrassing experience with my nephew; Should I tell his parents?

Question

The experience and my actions at the time:

Three years ago, my nephew was three years old, in the middle of his potty training. After lunch with the family everyone went outside, he and his older brother (who was 6 back then) joined me near the computer like they always did, playing together some classic games.

At some point I excused myself to the nearby toilet room leaving the two of them to themselves with a game they both knew and loved. While I was still in the middle, the three year old nephew entered the bathroom and said he had to use it and asked for my help.

I have seen his parents take him to the bathroom before and under normal circumstances I would have just gone and called them; however I wasn't in any condition to get out of the room. I asked him to go ask his parents or hold a few minutes until I was done but he didn't budge and insisted on immediate action.

Fearing he would mess his pants I got up and helped him through the whole process. He pretty much did everything on his own, probably he was at a stage where he still needed the supervision. After he was done he went out, I returned to the room a few minutes later to find both brothers playing as usual.

I considered telling his parents, asking if I acted properly but was too embarrassed to mention it and it didn't happen again.

My question and debates:

• Should I have done anything different? If so, what and at which point?
• Should I have told his parents afterwards, even if just to inform them?

Now father to a 2-year-old toddler I do realize I might be making it a much bigger deal than what it really was; on one hand parents always want to know what their child is doing but on the other hand maybe such a thing is totally normal. (Potty training has not started yet for my daughter so can't really tell.)

Any insights will be welcome!

Answer 1

I think you are reading far too much into this. In fact, I was struggling to see what the problem was. You helped the young kid go potty. He needed help. If he'd poo-ed himself, you would have changed him, right? If he'd fallen down, you'd clean the blood off his knee, right?

If you feel uncomfortable about it, you could mention it casually to the parents, though this might be a bit awkward now that the event has passed. You could have said, "When I was going to the bathroom, young X came in and asked me to help him go, so I did."

Answer 2

As Dave said, this shouldn't be seen as embarrassing or awkward. To a child that age it isn't- they know they need some help and you are someone who can help, so they don't read anything else into it.

As they get older you can see their bodily awareness grow until all of a sudden they stop doing things like this, but at this age just accept that you have helped, and realise that your kids will be the same and may need to ask someone else for help at some point, be it teacher, babysitter or whoever.

Answer 3

Everything sounds fine to me. Caring for kids is always messy and unpredictable. I don't see what else you could have done. At that age, it's hard for them to be able to "hold it in" - he only figures out he needs to go exactly at the last possible moment usually. You can look forward to that when you potty train your own child :)

Answer 4

I like the accepted answer and agree that there is probably nothing to worry about because it sounds like you did nothing inappropriate.

I do want to add some motivation for telling the parents what happened. Your child's poop and their bowel habits are one of the biggest indicators of health. My wife and I are constantly asking "Did he poop today? What was the consistency, texture, flavor?"

Ok, I ask about the flavor to mess with her...

My point is that it is helpful for parents (if only their peace of mind) to know when their children go to the bathroom when they are that young.

Answer 5

A very old question, but I'll put my $.02 in.

Yes, you should have mentioned it. Not because you did anything wrong, not because they need to know about their kids' bathroom habits, not because they saw anything shocking, but because it might come up in an unexpected conversation someday (kids say the craziest things) and might have caused them to wonder why their child saw you naked in the bathroom.

I understand it was embarrassing for you, but they would no doubt think it was funny, or might have wanted to talk to the child about what is and isn't appropriate about barging in on an uncle in the bathroom.

_{Six years in, you probably know the answer to your question. What do you think you should have done?}