How can I convince my child to write?

Question

Recently my child(3.5 Years old) has joined a pre-school class. A couple of months passed and he participated in all types of activities and events. He has also learned oral words. Sometimes feel he uncomfortable in writing at school and at home. If we force them or try to help it, he will write only few words and then stop writing.

As few days ago, when his teacher started a session where there is a written work (like letter writing, number etc.), my child started crying. Now he cries to not go to school.

His teacher says if this type of behavior continues, his language base will be weak and create problems for him in upcoming years. When at home, if I talk with him about it, he starts crying.

How can I relieve my child's phobia for written activities?

Answer 1

First, please know that I agree 100% with @David Hedlund's answer in its entirety. I just want to address one particular point that needs to be stressed.

His teacher says if this type of behavior continues, his language base will be weak and create problems for him in upcoming years.

Language skills aren't weak because a preschooler can't/won't write their letters. I would question (seriously) how that teacher came to that conclusion. Having said that, I would, as David suggests, have a conversation with the teacher as tactfully as possible about backing off from forcing the activity at preschool. Preschool should be a fun socializing opportunity, not a stress-inducing hurdle in life to overcome.

Read to him about things he loves, about funny things, about animals and insects, etc. Reading (or listening) and vocabulary acquisition/comprehension are the basis for language skills. Babies learn language skills before learning the alphabet.

If you want to encourage letter writing (after a period of backing off), make it fun. There are some suggestions in the link under your post. Making learning and doing a positive influence are far more likely to help him in the coming years than forcing him to do something that makes him cry.

Answer 2

Your child is apparently distressed by writing tasks. We don't know why just now, so I would back away from writing for now, to alleviate tensions surrounding that activity at this point, and I think you should ask your teacher to help you in that regard.

You are not likely to see much progress in writing as long as your child has an aversion to it, and while it's a natural reaction to parents to try and lean in and put more attention where support appears to be needed, I'm getting the impression that this is just putting pressure on your child that he is not able to handle at this point, and the increased focus on writing tasks has understandably spilled over in an aversion towards going to school at all.

Next time your child is crying over this, try to go along with and validate his feelings. He is entitled to them. Let him know he is heard and that he is safe, and put aside trying to fix the problem. As long as writing feels threatening, I don't think your child will be able to get through this. For further reading to that end, the technique is called staylistening.

Answer 3

If your child is 3.5, this is a bit young to learn to write. You could look at the Montessori way of learning how to write. They first do a lot of hand exercise (fine motor skills). Then they use their finger and touch sand paper letters. Then they write with their finger on sand. They do a lot of drawing, drawing inside the lines. And only after doing a lot of those do they start writing letters. Also, they should be able to recognize letters and know their sounds before writing.

I would also suggest you write a lot at home (grocery list, ect…) and show how useful it is to write. Kids like it a lot when they see something as useful.

Answer 4

If the teacher is saying, as a statement of fact, that your child's language skills will suffer due to problems learning at this age, then the teacher is flat wrong. More than that, I would be deeply suspicious of their teaching methods. It's not impossible that the teacher is the problem here, and your child's reaction is due to the teacher's attitude towards them. If this is the case, it's even more important to work out what the problem is.

Hand-eye coordination and other motor control skills don't always arrive on time. More practise at things like drawing which stimulate those skills might help. See for example this link about pre-writing skills. If your child is getting frustrated about not being able to control the pencil, and especially if criticism from the teacher is making them feel bad about the whole thing, then the teacher needs to change their expectations and build up the basics a bit more.

Language comprehension and use is another part of this. Have you started correcting their inevitable misuse of grammar so that the child picks up how to get past "baby speech"? When they're capable of following and expressing more complex concepts in time, positions of things, and what they want to do, then they're definitely able to use "proper" language to describe them. They should be used to you helping them to use that language. If they aren't, this could be a cause of frustration for them and for the teacher. You may need to step up on this, but the teacher also needs to back off whilst your child builds their skills. This link describes those kind of prerequisites to writing in a bit more detail.

But a further issue could simply be that the child is afraid of the teacher and this is affecting his behaviour. I would hope the teacher hasn't shouted at him, or told him off for failing to write well enough, or anything like that - but it's possible.

This isn't an easy place to be. You do need to be talking gently to him about why he's crying though. As usual for children, suggesting what it could be and asking "is that it?" can be helpful, and then showing that it's not something which worries you and it's something you can all fix. If it does come out that the teacher is what scares him, then this link has some strategies for how to work with that. As the link says, the teacher is unlikely to be doing this deliberately, so it's similarly a matter of working it out together respectfully. Your question does make me concerned though, because it doesn't sound from that like the teacher is respecting your child. Whether that's the case, or whether that's just how it sounds from you shortening the whole episode to ask the question, only you can answer.

Answer 5

Don't push it at this time, at 3.5 your child is way too young, and pushing it will probably make things worse.

Do, however, keep your eyes open for the possibility of a specific learning disability regarding writing, or visual-motor integration challenges.

We were in a similar situation, but now at 11 years old the kid communicates verbally at the level of a 20-year-old. He has a diagnosed learning disability (not dyslexia or disgraphia) that results in printing (and drawing) being very difficult, it looks more like one would expect of a 5 year old! Not surprisingly, there is an "avoidance of written work" problem; however if the teacher is aware of the reasons then things will go better.

Good luck!

Answer 6

One thing not covered in the other answers an eye test. My son showed very little interest in reading/writing/drawing when he was in nursery. He got an eye test at 4 years old (it's standard here) and it turns out he requires a very strong prescription. He's long sighted (so had never seen things in focus close up so he didn't hold things closer to his eyes to try to see them). It turns out he's actually a very good reader and enjoys writing his own stories. No lasting damage from not writing (or even drawing much) at age 3.

Answer 7

When we learn new things, we very rarely do them right the very first time. Your child is now at an age where he can understand when he does something like writing correctly and when not. It is possible he is unhappy because the outcome is not what he would want it to be, and he has to do two things at once:

• Learn to handle disappointment
• Learn to write

Neither are easy for a child that young and require a lot of patience and practice. I think this may be what is going on. Anongoodnurse has a good answer how to handle the situation.

Answer 8

• Ensure that the the child doesn't feel pain in the hand while writing. When we press too hard or hold the pencil too hard, we feel pain in the fingers and palm.

• Get her a smooth pencil to write with. I am talking about a 4B drawing pencil. This "glides" on paper. So, there is least pressure that you have to put to write something.

• Write with her. Children like to copy adults. Write one sentence yourself and the let her write one. Write about something that she likes to talk about. Copying is boring. Tell her to write what she likes to talk about.

• Do NOT force her. Start by writing just two sentences and then let her go to play. Gradually increase the number. Your aim should be to develop her interest in writing rather than following the rules because they are necessary. For a child only playing and food are necessary.

Answer 9

When i was a child, around 5-6, i had issues holding a pencil as it caused severe pain in my hand, which led to many issues i still have yet to fully address. though i can use a computer just fine, writing, was a serious problem for me in school. (i think i had/have juvenile arthritis)

try having them use the computer, with assistance, and see if the aversion is still present, if not have them see a doctor, as this could affect the entirety of their life.

(also, try to ensure that the teacher understands, that preschool is meant to introduce children to the idea of socializing, cementing a "fun" reason for the child to go to school (friends) to off set the fact that it is effectively the worst part of their childhood, given most of the day they just run around making helicopter noises. :p)

Answer 10

As a child I was very adverse to writing, and specifically writing "neatly", up until about the age of 10, as a result of my Autism and Dyspraxia. Eventually the school stopped attempting to force me to write things and gave me a Laptop, which turned out to be a fairly good fit for me. Eventually my handwriting fell in to place during secondary/high school. Being forced to write was one of the big reasons why I hated going to school back then so I would very much reccomend against it.

So, I would reccomend giving your child the opportunity to type in the place of writing, if at all possible, and on top of that I would reccomend consulting a doctor or psychiatrist to find out if your child has any learning disabilities related to writing, communication, etc, so that if they do, they can get the support they need.

Answer 11

How can I convince my child to write?
How can I relieve my child's phobia for written activities?

An example is a great model. Show that you write and that it is fun.

Try writing with your other hand and you might experience the same challenges as the child. Learn together.

Answer 12

Talk with the teachers of the primary school (or whatever it is called where you are, the school kids go to when they are 5, 6 or 7) and ask whether they think it a good plan for your kid to learn to write before they come to their school.

I have heard many times that primary schools do not want children to already write as they do not learn the letters the right way, the advantage of already writing is very small, children who learn at 7 are not behind and often advanced over earlier learners when they are 8 because they learn it the right way and do not have to relearn in a different method.

I am with all the answers where they wonder if the pre-school or the teacher there is good.