My daughter is 2 and a half. My boyfriend and I have been together since I was a few months pregnant. She eventually started calling him daddy and we stopped correcting her as her biological father continued to deny having a child. About a month ago her biological father finally took the DNA test and started coming to visit and has agreed to help financially. This is all great but he now demands that we start calling him daddy as well.
How do I explain this to my 2-year-old daughter?
Call them both daddy.
Joe (Or whatever his name is.) is also your daddy.
This should be all the explanation your two-year-old needs. She is not likely mature enough to understand the complexity, and won’t be for a long time. So a simple explanation, “some girls get two daddy’s,” is enough for now.
This is a perfectly normal practice for young children with step-fathers and bio-dads. Even for older children who understand there is a bio-dad and a step-dad.
It sounds like the biological father is trying to reconcile. Put your personal feelings aside and focus on building relationships based on honesty — which is surely the best example you can set for your daughter. If the biological father is actually supporting his daughter, there is no reasonable explanation for denying him this ultimately small request. It is, after all, just a label; however important it may seem.
He will always be her biological father, never telling her will not change it, and it sounds like he also wants to take responsibility and support her.
There is the possibility that she will greatly resent you for not telling her important information about herself, if that’s what you are suggesting, when she is older.
That is not the case for your boyfriend. And, I don’t be to be rude or inconsiderate, my next statement may never be tested, and I hope it isn’t, but there is no guarantee the relationship will last; unless he legally adopts your daughter, there may be a point where he is not in the picture.
Better to tell her of her reality while she is young and able to adjust easily, not when she is 18 and it falls like a bombshell.
While your frustration is understandable, what it matters is the psychological well being of your child at the end of the day.
I would introduce her dad and refer to her dad as her father and would let to her to decide whatever she would wish to call him. Explain to her how fortunate she is to have two kind of fathers.
I would however avoid willingly or unwillingly doing parental alienation, no matter how justified you are.
I see a lot of negativity in your post about her father now being present in her life, however with duties also come rights. It might be for the best it happens so early in life and not much later on.
Her father might genuinely be trying to come round, and with luck will be in her life forever. Let time and the child decide what will happen, and what name she will feel he will be called.
You could ask "daddy" how he thinks he wants to explain this to his two year old daughter. Just because he demands it doesn't mean you actually have to do anything.
What really counts is not "daddy"s demands, but what is in the best interest of your daughter. If you think it is better not to confuse your daughter, who has learned that your boyfriend is "daddy", then don't confuse her, and don't introduce this man as daddy.
(Frankly, he denied to be her father for two years, he can't complain if the daughter denies he's the father for two years as well. )
