Four years ago my daughter's biological dad walked out on us for another family when my daughter was 6 months old. At the time we were only teenagers. He never asked about her or bothered to pay a visit, or help with her except for when it was a holiday, birthday, or convenient to him. I married 2 years ago and moved to s different state.

My husband has been helping raise my daughter since she was 1 and they created a beautiful bond, and she knows that's her dad.

Now, 2017, I served her biological father during February since I found out he was going to do it later this year. Fast forward to this month he came to visit her and thinks he has all this power over her and knows her better than anyone. My husband and I let her know that she had another dad and she was going to be seeing him from now on out.

Two days ago she had her very first nightmare about her biological dad and since the judge ordered that they should Skype twice a week well before Skype, she started crying saying no, she didn't want to speak to him and during Skype again she told me she was scared of him and didn't want to speak to him anymore, so I let him know. Today she started sleep walking, something she had never done.

My question is how do I help her cope with all this going on in her life or how do I help her understand who this new "supposed to be dad" is and where he came from? I don't want to force her to do something she doesn't want to do but it's kind of hard when I have always been the bad one in her biological father's eyes.

My husband and I do our very best at taking her out so she won't feel any discomfort in her every day life. I just really need advice.

  • 5
    Some of the details are unclear. Her bio dad WANTS to be her dad? (That's what it sounds like). And the court has ordered some specific contact? And you said he has been around periodically in previous years, but apparently not enough for your daughter to remember who he is? Has he been trying to have contact previously and you've blocked him? Has he paid child support for the last 4 years? Some more detail would really help - especially if you can explain what it looks like from your daughter's perspective/find out what specifically she's afraid of (and why).
    – MAA
    Commented Aug 10, 2017 at 0:52

1 Answer 1


Take her to a counselor or therapist trained in parental custody disputes. She needs a safe person to speak with about the situation, someone outside you, your husband, or her biological dad. This helps her because the person should be able to help her understand the situation and help her learn coping skills. This also can help you because if her biological dad is doing or saying inappropriate things, you have someone seen as neutral by the courts who can testify on your behalf.

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