It used to be she wouldn't sleep in her room but slept in the living room. Now she wants to sleep in our room and we don't believe in that. I am ok with naps but not at night - she moves a lot in her sleep and I am a light sleeper - as is my husband. Her communication skills aren't great so I don't know what the next step should be.
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2 Answers
As a parent from opposite side of allowing childern to sleep in same bed, I can tell you info from same feeling group of parents:
- The kid is communicating that something bad happened to them
It might be something trivial (like having issues with friend in kindergarten) or something serious (feeling sick, feeling threatened...)
You can try to change going to bed ritual. Like "catch all ghosts" or something like that.
Although Pavel may be entirely right for your situation several other possibilities exist. A. His answer from one extreme, the child has been abused at night & desires to feel safer at night. (unlikely given some of the other context clues) If it's the case, she'll need to know it's safe to tell you even if the abuser threatened her if she tattled. But ask her if anything bad has happened anyway to rule it out. If it's the case, she'll need to know it's safe to tell you even if the abuser threatened her if she tattled. In the United States, child abuse is actually quite common & typically committed by someone known to & trusted by the family.
B. Your daughter simply wants to be close to you. Perhaps discussions in the evening & towards bedtime that she will be safe at night and you look forward to seeing her again in the morning?
C. Be aware that in some countries or cultures children sleeping in the same bedroom as the parents is quite normal. Of course the fact you prefer not to is something she needs to learn to respect.
D. Many other possible reasons for her behavior. Try to find out why she's doing this, and you'll have a better idea how to proceed...?
Some context: I must admit I'm more familiar with older children.
Also, look for related answers Why won't my toddler sleep when her mother tries to put her in bed? and can you give us some more information, any recent changes, pattern to this, etc.
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2I don't read Pavel's comment as a 'bad thing' being abuse - it could be a book or movie she saw that she is now afraid of or something completely different.– IdaCommented Sep 4, 2014 at 16:36
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"child abuse is actually quite common". Citation needed. The vast majority of abused children are abused by their own parents, and the vast majority of that abuse is neglect of some kind, not sexual abuse. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_abuse#Prevalence Commented Sep 5, 2014 at 12:24
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To Ida- "Although Pavel may be entirely right for your situation..." and she agrees with my part D. To jpatokal, I didn't mention sexual abuse. Your own source confirms prevalence of abuse. Given that the O.P., original poster, is concerned about her daughter, this suggests she is not an abuser. But since it has been asked- 1 in 5 adult females "recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident."– nickalhCommented Sep 9, 2014 at 10:39