My wife and I listen to different music, and often argue about what our 2 year old son should listen to.
I want him to be closer to me, as I'm a musician and wish to work together with him in the future. It means he must listen to my favorite music.
On the other hand, she wants our son to like her music.
Any advice?
Play all the music. See what he enjoys. Play that.
I have some bad news. Your son is quite likely to love dumb bouncy pop stuff like "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" because he's two and it's all bouncy. Or he may go nuts for the theme tune to "Batman: Brave and the Bold" or "TMNT" because they're connected to the bright picture box. Or he may just really be into both hardcore thrash metal and smooth jazz because little children are the definition of "I don't know genre, but I know what I like".
Musical tastes change over time and age. If you're lucky enough, he'll grow interested in your music because you're the one that's playing it. But even if he is into the same kind of music as you are, he may not want to work with you. Or if he isn't, he may still want to work with you, because you're his dad.
The best way for you to get him into your music is to play it to him personally. If your wife wants him into her music, she can have it on while they're doing stuff. The most enjoyable music is the stuff that links to a pleasant memory or culture. AND HE CAN BE INTO BOTH.
Bottom line, don't be a music genre snob, especially for another person. If nothing else, some of the best music comes from listening to lots of different genres and styles and finding the common themes that you enjoy, and then producing something new from it.
The days Johnny Cash completely broke us all with his cover of "Hurt", or William Shatner teamed up with Ben Folds to perform a cover of "Common People" that is better than the original, are two of the many days we should have stopped assuming that genres of music mean anything.
Let him listen to whatever he wants and let him BE whoever he wants to be. Just because you would like your son to listen to certain type of music or you would like him to be a musician doesn't mean you should pressure him and manipulate him into something he may not enjoy. Show him the ropes and have him listen to your favorite music, but arguing over it is unproductive.
Do you only listen to the same music your parents did?
Maybe your son would like to be a doctor, a broker or a professor. He may even enjoy listening to death metal. If you deny his freedom to make his own choices, and deny him of his own mistakes, you will raise a very sad person to become a very sad adult.
From my personal experience, if you want your child to enjoy the things you do, make it fun and expose them to it regularly.
My son is 4 now, but when he was younger I would sing to him every night while putting him to bed. It's probably been about a year since I've done this, our routine has changed, but earlier this week he asked me to sing to him like I used to. A few days later he is singing along with "Hallelujah" and "Cat's In The Cradle". It's pretty awesome.
So, basically, just let your kid see you enjoying your music and they will too.
Now, for arguing with your wife, consider not doing that.
If you had a standard wedding ceremony, you probably recall the "for better, for worse" line from your vows. Keep this is mind when you feel the urge to argue about music. Being there with your wife during the good times is just as important as being there for her during the bad times. I remember my parents never watching tv together, they're divorced now. Is that the reason? No. But maybe if they'd made a little more effort to enjoy things together it wouldn't have got to that point.
Also, music is a very personal thing and it's a part of you. I'm a musician myself, but I think this applies to everyone.
Criticizing your wife's taste in music is essentially criticizing her. A marriage can be hard enough without purposely creating turmoil. And just like how your kid will mimic you and enjoy what you do, he will also learn to criticize.
Making an effort to enjoy the things she does is just one way of showing love, respect and appreciation. Your child will learn the same.
Your kids will get their own tastes in music no matter what you do, so it's an unproductive argument to have with a spouse. Do you listen to exactly what your parents played you? I highly doubt it. I certainly don't.
My music tastes aren't 100% what I grew up listening to my Dad play. My 3 kids all early on developed their own tastes too. For example, I can vividly remember jamming to some Public Enemy, and turning around to see my grade-school daughter repeatedly kicking the speaker (with both feet) and yelling "Shut up!" while Flav was doing his shtick. All my kids grew up to hate rap (admittedly only about 10% of my own collection).
Another example: Once when my son was a toddler Don McClean came on singing his masterpiece American Pie, and the kid was just enthralled in a way I've never seen before or since. As soon as it was over, he was repeatedly asking "Mo' Pie! Mo' Pie!". He's 21 now, and whenever this song comes on, he (usually the worst talker of the bunch) insists everyone shut up and listen.
I've also had the experience of having Iron Man come on the radio, and discovering my two toddlers in their child seats doing a great Beavis and Butthead impersonation in the back. "Duh! Duh! DuhDuhDuh!" They neither heard me do this, nor watched that old show. They came up with it entirely on their own.
There's no reason whatsoever why your kid can't be exposed to both. In general you have to listen to a lot of a certian genre to learn how to appreciate it, and to learn what the best exemplars of it are. So having parents who love different genres, and thus know enough to show their children what the very best of each of them are, is a huge gift you are able to give your children. Don't throw half of it away!
I agree with the rest of the answers here, largely, in that you should remember your son is a separate person, and should not go into this thinking he's going to do what you want him to do with his life.
But, that said, if your aim is for him to be a musician - you should want to give him as broad a musical experience as possible, especially at this age. Wanting him to listen to one type of music at this age alone is the wrong approach to helping him become a musician.
Many of the truly great musicians of our time have been ones who didn't just do exactly what everyone else was doing - but instead, broke the mold by doing something different, often inspired by different musical genres. Having exposure at a young age to a wide array of musical genres will lead him to a much better appreciation of music, and a better understanding of what makes music good.
It also gives a higher chance that he does get into music. Maybe your genre of music doesn't initially appeal to him. He might start liking something more like what your wife likes, and eventually grow into liking your style of music. Or he might start liking something yet different from both of you; giving him the widest array of music to listen to improves the odds he finds something he likes.
So, you should thank your wife for helping to broaden your son's musical tastes, and helping introduce him to a wider array of music. He may someday grow into the musician you hope he does because of it.
(But seriously, don't push that too hard either, if you want to have a good relationship with your son as he grows up... let it come if it does, and if it doesn't, be happy with whatever he chooses)
Warning: Some of this post is going to come across as a little harsh, but everything I say, I say because I want to help. Anything that I say bluntly, I say it that way because I think that hearing it the most straightforward way possible is the best way I can help.
Let's get some perspective here. You married a woman who doesn't share your taste in music and, presumably, love her anyway. You love your child, and you will continue to love your child even if they don't end up sharing your taste in music or even your love of music. That isn't the exact outcome you want, but it's extremely rare for parents to have children do exactly what they want.
Reading through the question and your comments here, it's clear that this is no longer about your child and has become a conflict between you and your wife with your child caught in the middle. This situation is not good for anyone, and the most likely outcome from it is damage to the relationship between all three of you. Stop and ask yourself which is worse: if your child has a mild distaste for your music or if they resent you and your music over this conflict. You need to change your goal immediately: put aside your dreams of influencing your child's musical taste and put everything into removing this conflict from your home.
Start by apologizing to your wife. Sincerely. Do not make a single excuse for your behavior. This is going to be really, really hard, but you need to do it before this escalates any further. Think of anything you've done wrong with this and tell her you're sorry for doing it (and mean it). Only you know exactly what you've done, but here are a couple things to start your list:
I'm sure there's more, but you'll need to fill in those details yourself.
Once you've apologized, your wife may or may not apologize back. It doesn't matter which happens. Remember: your goal here is to end the conflict and restore the relationships in your home, not to get your wife to admit to any wrongdoing. You have done something wrong here, and even though your wife probably has, too, your own actions disqualify you from making an issue of anything she's done. (Note that "making an issue" of your spouse's wrongs is generally not an appropriate or effective way of solving problems even when you haven't done anything wrong.) You need to completely and unconditionally forgive her to accomplish the goal, and that means not trying to leverage anything she's done wrong against her.
Once you've apologized, now you can discuss the root cause of your actions and what to do from here with her. You may need to do some soul searching to figure out why it's so important to you that your child shares your taste in music. But regardless, talk with her about it, and maybe you two can come to an agreement about how you can both share your music with your child.
I didn't really develop any music tastes until I was at least 16, and even then it was mostly things that were related to things I liked (video games, internet culture, ect).
Your son is two years old, and the fact that he has any music taste at all is remarkable.
People change over time - what your son likes today may drastically change as he grows older. Given time, and exposure to some of the music you like, he might grow to like it more.
Or not - and that wouldn't be the end of the world. It's good to bond with your son over a common interest, but if you try to force that interest on him when he clearly isn't interested, it's something that can build resentment over time.
This may sound rude, but you should do the opposite of what you're trying to do. Force them to listen to all the "horrid" music, and make them prize their opportunities to listen to the good stuff!
What I have found over the years (mostly second hand, but I'm starting to pick it up in my own child), is that the single best way to guarantee that a child hates something is to force them into it when they want something else. You will find the effect is the exact opposite of what you want. They will associate that thing with not getting what they want, instead of appreciating it.
From your comments, you sound like you have a very particular taste in music. You have very particular and cultured tastes. Those take time to grow. You wouldn't start a first-time violinist at the age of 4 on Bach's Praeludium from Partita No. 3 in EM just because you want them to be an all-state violinist and that song is recommended audition material, would you? No, you start them on twinkle-twinkle little star or Mary Had a Little Lamb, and you grin and bear it through the 400 repetitions they're going to have to go through! If you are a 5-star chef, do you feed your child fois gras or caviar first? No! You start them on peas and carrots! Why would one demand that their child start listening to music (which is a skill to be developed) on only the most cultivated content!
The taste for the fine things in life must be given a chance to develop. It cannot be forced on them early on in life.
Now the real way to get him to like your music is to listen to it yourself and give him the opportunity to listen with him. There will be times in your time with him where he wants to imitate daddy. At those points, he will suddenly appear to utterly love whatever you are doing at that time. If you're listening to "good" music, he'll decide he needs to start appreciating that good music.
And, along the way, try to find the goodness in other music besides your particular genre. Remember that a child's taste is not all that refined. They're happy to alternate back and forth between V and I for 5 minutes straight without a single bit of flavor put in between. Then they giggle and go play with some toys. Try to picture the music your wife wants him to listen to with ears of a child. I am 100% certain that you will find the same roots of music in her music as you will in yours. After all, it's all made from instruments! The fundamentals of dubstep are, believe it or not, the same as the fundamentals of fine orchestral classical music! Even rap is based on the same fundamentals. (Disclaimer: I pick on rap only because it's a style that I personally have trouble appreciating, so its my test case for whether I am taking a taste of my own medicine)
As the child learns more of music, then they will decide what music they like. The best you can do is keep offering (but not forcing) until they decide in your favor.
In one of your comments you wrote:
Unfortunately my wife hates most of what I listen to. I have very little time with my son because I work a lot and he listens only to her music, when I try to give him some of my music he doesn't want to listen to it and that makes my almost cry.
And another commenter suggested that perhaps the underlying problem is that you spend too little time with your son. I think that indeed you need to solve that problem first, long before you even think about what music your son should listen to! Ultimately you have to decide what is the best balance in time and energy spent on your son and on your work. If you can even put aside an hour a day to play with your son whatever games he likes best, or do things that he wants for him or with him, it is worth far more than any music.
Secondly, your son is not you, and his preferences are his own. You should not insist that he adopts your preferences, nor should you take it personally when he rejects your preferences. The exceptions to this are when it comes to danger of harm. For example, you have the right (even the responsibility) to enforce a rule of "no playing with fire/knives", for this reason. However, unless you can justify that your son will be harmed or cause harm to others by not listening to your music, you do not have the right to insist that he listens to it. But you can always offer it to him now and then. Children are usually curious to try things, but they have their own individuality, which we need to respect.
Also, I fully agree with jpmc26's answer that you also have to solve the relationship problem with your wife. The disagreement over music is merely one surface issue arising from that problem, and what I said above pertains only to your relationship with your son.
Aim for harmony in your family so that you can enjoy being with one another, and try to resolve any discord through understanding and tolerance. And do not wait till later to improve your relationships; your son will not benefit from seeing you two argue, not to say over what he should listen to!
From your comment:
[my son is] just like me... when I tried to listen to metal,, that I really don't much like... my father wouldn't even talk to me, we became so distant until the time I started listening to good jazz music, but still he wasn't much proud of me. Now I feel the same way, though my son's yet a little kid, but i want to him to be as good as me as my father... to be clever and have good taste
It seems to me that your dad didn't deal with that situation well, and you are doing the classic thing of carrying the same emotional baggage along one generation and creating the same problems with your relationship with your child. (Incidentally, in the absence of other information, I'd imagine that your growing apart may have been mostly due to other factors - but even if you felt that it's music that was the cause, that's bound to have had an effect on your feelings about music).
I was initially suspicious, to be honest, that this may be a troll thread, as the majority of musicians I've met have understood that de gustibus non est disputandum - literally, that things that are matters of taste are not things to have arguments about.
If that's not the case, I'd honestly suggest getting some help, or at least doing some serious soul searching about why you have the hang-ups you do about music that seem to be distorting both your emotional and intellectual response to the world.
EDIT - I realise we've met before from this question over at music.SE. That makes me think it's less likely that it's a troll thread, but it also shows that despite your love of music, the musical path you have chosen has led to some frustration - so why try to take your son down a musical path that has worked out less than optimally for you?
