When do the sense of independence kick in, in toddler's?

Question

I don't know if babies should start having a sense of independence this early (unless if I'm confusing it with being stubborn ), my boy 17 months now; doesn't want to be assisted when he gets stuck in a situation while playing. He rather prefers crying and pushing himself until he gets himself out of that situation (here the situation being, the things he's trying to connect are not fitting in).

This has become devastating in the house because when you try to help him he will cry hysterically and put the thing(for instance his toy) back to the way it was before you came and aided him out of the situation which is absurd.

Many are times that the crying continues until he solves the situation or gets himself out of it. I'm just wondering has anyone faced this and how did they go about it.

I pretend to be mad at him for crying and not allowing me to help but it's not working. The crying is what bothers me because unlike other times, you just can't sooth him out of it until he solves it by himself. Should I let him just cry?

Update

After following some of the advice it really worked well during our play time. So this is what i did, when he starts crying due to frustrations, I clap my hands and say you're doing it. This actually worked well because he knows when I clap it means well done. So we've managed smooth playtime without crying. Babies 😀

Answer 1

My son developed a sense of independence at around the same age. Our pediatrician told us it was normal. He rarely cries when he's frustrated, but the frustration clearly shows on his face.

My strategy is to praise him for his efforts. When I help him, I try to guide him with broadly applicable advice. For example, when he tries to force Duplo blocks together with all his might, I remind him that you don't have to push hard if you position them correctly. He communicates when he wants help by saying "dada" or "mama" and pointing at or handing us the toy that's causing him frustration.

I want to teach him that patience and effort pay off. I'm deliberately trying to develop a mastery orientation. As a child, I was constantly praised for my intelligence, which led me to develop a strong performance orientation. I think that set me back many years in my career.

Answer 2

I would say from your post that your toddler demonstrates a very strong sense of independence. This can actually kick in at various ages, but toddlers do typically want independence once they can move independently.

This independence can be of varying levels, but your toddler obviously has an urge to solve problems himself, and if you solve them he is frustrated as he no longer gets to solve the problem.

Rather than be mad at him, or try to help, you could try helping him understand you are there and can help if he needs you to. At that age this may require you to solve similar issues where he can see, or provide tools for him to use (eg if he is stuck trying to get up on something, can you provide a box for him to stand on? Don't give it to him, just place it nearby.)