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Scenario: 1-bedroom apartment and there's no one else living in the house to watch the toddler. Any recommendation?

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10 Answers 10

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Wait until the toddler is asleep.

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  • 12
    This really is the only way. If the toddler is awake, there is always a chance they will come in or do something that will require your immediate attention.
    – DrJ
    Commented Jun 15, 2013 at 16:28
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    Lots of experience with this. Upvoted.
    – Ernie
    Commented Jun 26, 2013 at 16:39
  • This is of course the easiest solution. But you should consider my answer as well if you don’t always want to wait until the toddler is asleep.
    – erik
    Commented Mar 20, 2014 at 1:38
  • Or park the toddler in front of the TV and lock the bedroom door.
    – Robert
    Commented Mar 20, 2014 at 21:18
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I was raised in a house where nudity was never an issue and yes, there were a few times I saw my parents having sex. I do not think it was intentional or an "in your face" kind of a thing. it was more of a "I got home early", or woke up to get water and saw something I shouldn't have.

As strange as this sounds, I don't see a problem with it. It wasn't forced on me and I think it is the most natural way to teach a kid about sex. I will get a ton of "burn in hell" messages for this and I understand that. My family wasn't into incest or anything creepy (just fyi.)

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To add to Dave's excellent answer I also recommend trying to let go of any inhibitions you might have in regards to when and where you have sex. In my book the living room on a Saturday afternoon is a perfectly acceptable place & time to get jiggy with it. As long as the children are asleep of course. Oh, and you might want to lock the front door if you have friends & family that are accustomed to the old knock/open/yell hello routine. That dead bolt has saved us a couple times :)

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Honestly, this is a good problem to have. I think you should get a baby-sitter to take the kid on a walk for an hour or so one weeek-end day. You are so worth it.

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    Or in my case, five minutes or so. :'-(
    – corsiKa
    Commented Jul 3, 2013 at 14:35
  • Marc is adding in time for walking away from the house :P
    – Canadian Luke
    Commented Oct 30, 2014 at 19:23
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This is a procedure we apply (works also for activities other than sex):

  1. Make sure toddler is asleep
  2. Turn on your wireless baby monitor
  3. Do whatever you need in any room (except bedroom), break and check when you hear some noise from monitor.
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    Exactly what we do.
    – SomeShinyObject
    Commented Mar 21, 2014 at 12:06
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Put a bell on their doorway.. or something noisy in the hall.. my kids were like ninjas..

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You should find a baby sitter or ask neighbour to spend time with your child.

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Caution: This is only for non-prude parents¹

Of course you can just have sex in front of a toddler. If he/she is busy playing or reading or whatever, he wont notice. And if he sees you, you show him a smile to show him, that everything is ok. Even better would be to talk to her/him and say, that you want to be left alone/not be disturbed for some minutes. You can explain her/him, that you are doing love. Explaining is always good.

The problem with this method is, that there may arise a conflict between him and his siblings or anything else (hungry, thirsty, has to go to the toilet, …) where you have to intervene or respond. Or, if the toddler is still breastfed, the toddler could become attracted by the swinging bare milky breasts of his lovely mother (of course breastfeeding and having sex are not mutually exclusive, just a bit more complicated, and if for the first time for the parents, somewhat new and a little distracting).

So waiting for the children to be asleep or out of the house clearly is the easiest solution.

¹) By “non-prude” I mean parents, that have no problem to be naked in front of their children. That are able and willing to explain even a very small child, what sex is (not only the biological way, but emotional reasons).

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    Sometimes children remember these things.
    – Dave Clarke
    Commented Mar 20, 2014 at 11:30
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    @Dave Clarke: What things do you mean? Their parents having sex? And then?
    – erik
    Commented Mar 20, 2014 at 11:35
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    Seeing their parents having sex. It could be disturbing: the beast with two backs, and all.
    – Dave Clarke
    Commented Mar 20, 2014 at 13:31
  • Can you clarify how your edit improves your answer?
    – Acire
    Commented Sep 28, 2015 at 18:33
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    @PikkuKatja: Uhm, I think at about two and a half years of age. Maybe a bit earlier. But if the toddler really wants something from you (like said in my answer), then you have to give him something for distraction (book, etc.) or have a little break and attend him/her. But if he/she is only watching you, it is enough to show a smile and then don’t care. Mostly he/she wont be interested more than some seconds. But sometimes he/she may want to be loved, too. That means: Wants to be hugged, wants to be kissed. He/she will notice that you love each other, it is something very natural :-).
    – erik
    Commented Sep 29, 2015 at 11:21
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Day time: I think, the best method is to wait for the child to be asleep . Make sure you dont take more than 30 minutes to " do it"

Then check on.your toddler, again and sit beside him.

Night:

Also, to do it in night when the toddler, is sleeping heavily is the best time as you get lot of time & dont need to.hurry up. Closing the door (locking it) is a good option as I dont feel its a good thing to make live in front of the child as the kid is too small to understand and may want to try to copy the behaviour.

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  • “may want to try to copy the behaviour”? Children don’t just copy everything. They somehow understand, that “it” is something private you are doing. At least if you talk to her/him and say, that you want to be left alone/not be disturbed for some minutes. You can explain her/him, that you are doing love. Explaining is always good.
    – erik
    Commented Sep 28, 2015 at 18:55
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I have a toddler, and when my Husband and I want to have sex we wait until his nap time. If he doesn’t want to nap we will put his cartoons on, make sure he’s entertained and step into the other room. Yes he naturally walks in, and when he does we just make sure he knows everything is ok and mamas not getting hurt and he will go back and play with his toys and watch cartoons. I know what is best for my child and I can tell if something is truly effecting him in a negative way. I think this is something all of us Mothers have we just know (I’m not sure if men have that ability or not) I truly think it depends on the child. Like I said we know our children and we know if something we are doing in front of them is making them upset/affecting them in a negative way...

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  • Mellissa - while you may think you know, this is entirely anecdotal. Please provide a reference or that section will have to be deleted.
    – Rory Alsop ♦
    Commented Mar 22, 2018 at 13:07

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