First off, I'd like to start by saying I love both my parents very much and I have great respect for them and what they've done for me these last 24 years.
One of my parents is very negative. She gets very personal at times and uses language like "You always mess things up, that's why you're the mess that you are" instead of something like "what you did wasn't right. It caused these problems. Don't do it again." She doesn't realize that her approach doesn't work to influence a person as much as she would like to believe.
Now, let me explain a bit about myself. I'm the kind of person who believes in being great, and reading books that inspire, such as Goals! or Rich Dad Poor Dad, How to Win Friends and Influence People etc., and I feel that I could learn valuable lessons from these books. I have my own style of gleaning knowledge, and a firm belief that what I'm doing is in my interest.
It so happened that I didn't have a great college life. I didn't make use of peer-to-peer bonding and teamwork, and so my grades were lower than they could be. I had a great 2 years in a job after that and I am looking to switch to a new one. My bosses are happy about my performance in the job.
In the parts of the world we live in, society is such that there is a lot of comparison with other people's children. "What's your child doing these days? Which college did he get admission in? What company does your son work in?", etc etc. My parents, are very sensitive to this kind of societal comparison, and it has its toll on me. Also, this has led in them always telling me what to do, what not to do, whether or not(mostly not) it matches with my ideals.
Just once, I feel like clearing the air. I want to say something like "look guys, my life is my life. I don't give a damn what the uncle next door thinks about me, so just stop telling me to get this degree or that certificate or that job, ok? I'll handle things fine on my own."
The problem is that this isn't very good in itself and doesn't help, because of my poor "record". I have the power to change my own life, but no power to influence them. What can I do?
I have a negative and dominating parent. She feels I'm not doing a good job with my life based on some metrics, so she tries to influence me; but what she's saying isn't of much help. On the other hand, I have a good idea of what I want, but I want to get there on my own. So I just want to tell them to stop offering to "help".