Should a 5 year old excuse themselves after farting?

Question

My five years old daughter sometime farts silently, and she doesn't excuse herself. Every time I detect such a situation, I remind her that she should try to avoid it and leave the room, going to a toilet, but if she fails to do that, she should excuse herself.

My wife says this is wrong. She claims that we need to keep teaching our kids (that one and younger one) that they should hold in the gas and leave to toilet, but if any escapes, they should remain silent. In my wife's opinion, excusing oneself for farting in a quite young kid is a bad attitude.

Which one of us is right? Is there any general advice to handle such situations?

Answer 1

I think that there are some people you should be comfortable with, comfortable enough to pass gas in their general vicinity and not have to apologize. And the closest family should certainly be such people. At home, when I'm not alone, I try to do it in the toilet, though I don't feel bad or ashamed to let one go when my wife or LO is near. Seriously, farting is natural, don't make it such a bad thing.

As for other places or situations - I think that the child should excuse if he farts loudly. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's not good manners either. Make sure to stress that it's not a crime or something very, very bad.

I don't think less of people who have accidentally loudly farted in my presence. Noone should, I guess.

Answer 2

I encourage my kids to excuse themselves when they pass gas. (Obviously the best-case scenario is that they are able to release it in the bathroom instead, but things happen.) I have a few goals with this: acknowledging that there's going to be a brief bad smell in the room, accepting responsibility for it, and begging pardon for inflicting it on the other people in the room.

I feel that encouraging silence instead of acknowledgment completely misses the second and third goals. There's very little chance that the smell will not be noticed if there are other people in the room, and especially if there are other kids around this can lead to a great deal of blaming, arguing, and bad feeling. This can be avoided by a brief apology before the smell really spreads.

There are different kinds of acknowledgment, however. I would consider a simple "excuse me" to be polite. If they proclaim "EXCUSE ME, I HAVE JUST FARTED AND IT WILL PROBABLY STINK," or "I farted! [endless laughter]"... that isn't helpful.

My goal is to get them to understand that this is something that can happen to anybody, and it shouldn't be a gigantic source of embarrassment or shame, but it should also be dealt with rapidly and briefly so everybody can just get over it and move on with their lives. This isn't particularly easy, because kids tend to find bodily functions both highly amusing and highly embarrassing, but we're working on it.

Answer 3

She should try to leave the room or the crowd if you're trying to avoid impropriety. A toilet is unnecessary when simply away from prying olfactory senses would do.

Now to the meat of the issue: Stating that it is wrong or bad for a child, teen, or adult to pass gas is the same as stating it is wrong for them to sneeze or cough in public. If society as a majority would stop promoting negativity towards involuntary bodily functions, this question wouldn't even exist. Some people are gassy. This plays more into diet than biology, but that is another topic. They belch and/or pass gas after eating during the course of the normal digestive process. This is involuntary. Forcing them to hold it in or face the consequence of societal embarrassment is, quite simply, antiquated.

Hey look, articles. Holding it in can lead to health issues. Teaching a child to hold it in only compounds the issue. I'll leave this to the health nuts:

Why You Shouldn't Suppress the Urge to Burp or Pass Gas

Holding in flatulence can make you sick

Holding in Intestinal Gas

Answer 4

Miss Manners agrees with your wife: "unacceptable noises" (her term) should be "acknowledged by neither the noisemaker nor the noise recipient".

Answer 5

I agree with the wife. Even though, Farting is very common, sadly our society does show hypocrisy in accepting it resulting in embarrasement. So the best method is to fart in toilet, but if by chance a person farts in public, unless asked why should he holler in front of everyone " Excuse Me, In case you are wondering, I just wanted to let all of you know thats its ME who farted :) " Quite unnecassary and not needed. Isnt it?Its better to be silent.

Answer 6

Sorry to write that, but I think your wife is right. You have no right (it's impolite on your part) to demand that your daughter talk about her own flatulence (even indirectly through an excuse). There could be shame associated with that talking, especially with females. And then, your daughter could associate you with that feeling of shame.

And another important thing: Females hate being criticized. Your daughter will be a woman and she could very well remember your words in 30 years from now. She might remember it as criticism, and you don't want her to associate this with you forever.

I'd suggest relaxing and letting another person handle this part of education: your wife, your daughter's friends or teachers later in life.

Also, I never heard anyone excuse themselves for a fart. For the "listeners" of a fart it's polite to pretend they didn't hear it or smell it. For the farting person it's polite to not further disturb by talking about his or her farting - even indirectly.

Generally, I also think it's kind of ridiculous because by your rule the mouth would be forced to speak after the bottom "spoke"? That would invert the desired control of our body so that the lower part dictates the higher part.