When I separated from the mother from my child, he was 1 year and 10 months old. I was also thinking of staying together "for the sake of the kid", and she too, so nobody had courage to break up.
I had this on my head for a long time, and this single moment decided everything in my head:
I was absorved in my thoughts about how unhappy I was, and that I should stay on it because of the kid... While I was having those thoughts, my son was in front of me playing on his sand box and offering me in a very lovely way his toys, so that I could play with him together... He was offering it to me, but my mind was not there... I think I didnt even see that my kid existed, because I was so deep on those unhappy thoughts. At this exact moment, I got aware of my son, and I thought:
"Oh my god! He has been trying to play with me since a long time, and I cant play with him because I am always stuck on those thoughts. He will grow up thinking its completely normal to be unhappy in life, and in 30 years from now on, when he is stuck with a woman and completely unhappy, I will ask him:
-If you are so unhappy, why are you still with her?!?!
I knew that his answer would be:
-Because I learned it from YOU"
At this moment, I got a shock and saw that this would be the most terrible thing to teach him in life: that unhappines is just OK. It is NOT OK to be unhappy, and I decided I would never teach him that. For me, happyness is the most important thing in life!
I also thought its better to happen now, than to wait some years.. It would be a waste of life, and it would be much harder for him, because he would already be fixed on the current family routine.
So I just separated from the mother, I live just 300 meters far away from my kid I see him a lot now: Every Wed, Thru, and every two weeks also Friday, Sat and Sun. I have ALL THE ENERGY OF THE WORLD for him now (before I had almost nothing). I have never loved my son so much before! Now I can enjoy him and be myself, without being bossed around by the mother.
If you need some book on the topic, I enjoyed the following:
The guide for separated parents, from Karen & Nick Woodall. This book has a very beautiful atmosphere, and if in the future you are feeling very bad about your decision, you can refer to this book to get strength.
Two homes, from Claire Masurel. This book will be for your kid: its a very beautiful book with drawing for kids, with a story of a kid who has a home with his father and mother, and showing the nice ways that their parents love him, wherever they are
The family book from Todd Parr. Its an illustration book like the above. You dont really need it, but its fun, talking about many ways a family can live.
If you just look the book from Claire on Amazon, you will probably find reccomendations about other books that you will like too.
Just some stuff that I didnt take into consideration at the time, and that maybe you should are:
- End the relationshp in peace: Go to couples therapy, and certify that the feelings around you are healed and that they will not come back to haunt you in the future, because you will never be able to stop seeing your ex completely.
- Be aware that after you brake up, maybe your spouse will find another guy who will spend time with your son too. Maybe you will get jealous of the kid, and maybe you cannot control too much what is going on... This will make you quite anxious.
- Consider if the mother will be likely to move out after you break up... than it will make visitation a difficult topic, and this might cause you great psychological strain on you
- Talk to people who experienced that first hand. Dont read too much. Talking to people feels more real and certain than reading books or asking on internet.
I hope I helped.