My two year old will not keep her diaper on and will poop in bed and on the floor

Question

My daughter first took an interest in toilet training around 20 months. She was afraid of the adult sized toilet but enjoyed using a smaller child sized replica. She did great at first always asking to use her potty and had minimal accidents. However, if she was involved in an activity she did not hesitate to pee in her underwear or even on the floor. I also have a one year old son, so watching her every move was hard.

In the following weeks, despite me asking her to use the potty and even rewarding her for doing so, she increasingly lacked interest and ultimately stopped using her potty altogether. Because she was still under the age of two, I did not push the issue and decided that when the time came we would revisit toilet training.

She is now 25 months old and out of the blue showed interest in using our adult sized toilet. I got her a child seat and stool to use the adult toilet and she does! The only issue I am having is she is constantly taking her diaper, pants, pull ups, underwear off... Any bottom covering item I have tried is almost instantly on the floor. When she goes for a nap she will take off undergarments and poop in her bed. Even when she manages to keep undergarments on, she will remove them immediately after she soils and then throw them on floor.

I have tried explaining big girls don't poop in their beds or on the floor. I have lightly spanked her bottom, without using anger. (using only a stern, "No pooping in your bed/Keep your diaper on") I have tried explaining that mommy and daddy use the potty and that poop only goes in the potty. Nothing is working. My life consists of constantly washing sheets and cleaning poop off the floor. Help.

Answer 1

My daughter went through a stage of peeing in the corner when she was roughly the same age as your girl, so I can identify with your situation. As a parent of two grown children my main regret is that I got upset about things of this sort, so my first suggestion is to use mindfulness to help yourself treat this as a problem like any other: it's just a matter of time and thought before you resolve it or it resolves on its own.

My guess is that she associates pooping with taking off her pants and letting loose. It's likely that with the calm, quiet and privacy of her bedroom she realizes that she needs to go and does so in the comfy, warm environment of her bed(room). If she senses your anxiety about pooping she might be more inclined to poop when you aren't around, ya know? That's why potty training needs to be as close to 100% positive as you can make it.

I would suggest either using a baby camera or just take some days of frequent,regular checking throughput nap time (even lying down with her and reading or sitting in the room). The point is to be there when she starts to take her britches off. That's the time you employ the words you regularly use to encourage her to consider whether or not she needs to go (make sure she has plenty of time on the potty before nap).I might throw in a simple association of "oh poop is stinky in here" Poop is good in the bathroom. We flush it there! Make the toilet time a friendly experience of being a big girl.I wouldn't be above rewarding her with something special whenever she poops in the bathroom.The positive of going in the right place is the emphasis, not her mistakes.

Last, I would make the clean up as easy as possible. Three or four of the cloth-like mattress protectors put on at the same time? You could just rip off the top layer and stuff it in a bin liner until you have time to deal with it. The cheap fleece throws could replace top sheets and blankets. Since they are essentially plastic, they wash well, dry in an instant and don't retain odor. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 2

As for taking the diaper off, absolutely try things like zippered onesie pajamas that you put on her backwards, whatever you can find that works. That's a tough problem and I've known plenty of parents who had a kid who went through that phase. We went through different phases, but I can only say what they said worked for them. Putting diapers on backwards, so it's harder to take off, can also work, at least until she figures that out. It's always an arms race with kids. Also, even though my kids have been potty trained for a while now, we still do what we call "just-in-case potties" before bedtime or a long car ride. They don't have to go but they do have to sit, and I'll sit with them while we practice counting to 20 or singing a favorite song or something.

As for the pooping at night, please do not shame her about this! 2 is quite young to potty train at all, much less fully. Poop training tends to lag pee training, sometimes by a long time (months, a year, it depends on the kid). Night-time training can lag day-time training by multiple years. Just because she has an interest in the adult potty doesn't mean she has the control to hold poop at night. If you continue shaming techniques like spanking her (even without pain, it's teaching her that her bottom is "wrong" or "bad") or telling her that something that is out of her control undermines all the other "big girl" things she does and is learning to do, she is likely to try to stop pooping entirely (which can cause health problems and actually increase the chance of poop and pee accidents), give up on potty training, or even regress in other areas. She is also less likely to tell you when she needs to go, even when she can feel it ahead of time, which will lead to more accidents and more shame even when you aren't there.