It sounds like your son has reached an age where it is necessary to change from expecting him to accept being told what to do or how to behave and transition to a model of helping him figure out his own path.
It also seems like it would be useful to find a way to connect and have some shared issues that can be used as a base to work from. For example, as others have mentioned here, perhaps find a nice way to invite him to help you volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. It should not take a lecture or a parental discussion (so don't provide one) to drive home that he is or will be making choices that impact his own future.
You could also try to connect on issues and look for your son to come up with ideas or suggestions. For example, as a former smart kid, I entirely understand that you don't want to be seen as a smart kid at times. Ask him if he can think of ways to keep his options open (university, career of choice, etc) while not appearing to be doing so.
Similarly, when I was younger there was a lot of underage drinking going on. No amount of "don't do that it's stupid" would have deterred me. However, if I had been told of consequences that might happen and regrets that I might end up with and then seen those things come to pass for myself or my friends I believe I would have understood that my parents had been there and done that. It's also possible I might have avoided some issues having been forewarned. But, there would be no point in trying to force me not to try it as I would anyway.
I also think you absolutely have to find a way to get your husband on board. Even if it's as simple as having a discussion and saying that he's not sure how to communicate effectively. He can relate how important your son is to him and how he would like to be able to help your son be successful and happy after the tough period of high school is over. That is not an excuse for the past and how things have been going but simply a statement of concern. He could invite your son to offer ideas on how to improve their relationship if/when they come to him.
Also, as it sounds like there may be a few bad eggs in the school environment, how about finding a way to take the family outside of the scope of such influence. What about going camping or something? I'm not sure what your son is into, but he's 13 so there have to be things of interest that everyone could do together outside of the scope of school friends.
While camping, as an example, you don't need to impose a time to get up but you could simply state that "if you are hungry breakfast will be ready soon." Many things can probably be structured as optional invitations that leave the choice in his hands and reduce the chance for conflict. If he asks for additional effort or a different choice perhaps say you will do so but he has to help out or pitch in.
You might even be able to structure some impromptu chores with an incentive. Hey, help us clean up the kitchen/living room and we'll rent a movie and order in a pizza. You may get an opt-out but that just means you need to find a better draw. These things will potentially tie effort to reward and create some shared experiences. Of course, you might have to avoid complaining if the clean up effort is less than perfect -- just look for improvement over time and not perfection.
If your husband is finding it too difficult to relate perhaps he can be in charge of coming up with task/reward pairs that the family can do. Or, similarly, devising option/incentive activities that encourage the right behaviors. You know, get an A on the science exam (show your interest) and we'll take you to the planetarium -- again, you'll need to have things that are actually of interest so maybe a local sporting event or something. I do suggest that the ideas are agreed to in advance and that you take turns using them.
It's difficult to really know what is happening with only a few paragraphs of information. However, as you can see, I guess my advice boils down to the fact that current strategies don't seem to be working -- change things up.