Timeline for Have I lost my daughter?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
56 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Nov 15, 2017 at 11:35 | history | edited | Estela | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
added 234 characters in body
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| Nov 13, 2017 at 10:01 | comment | added | Tolga Ozses | @Estela I hate to break it to you; but your daughter has priority over your brother, so you should have stood up for your her. | |
| Nov 13, 2017 at 7:25 | answer | added | Dronz | timeline score: 0 | |
| Nov 13, 2017 at 5:40 | comment | added | user124384 | I was like that as a teen girl and it was because I was being severely sexually abused. YMMV of course, but I would seriously examine everyone she's in contact with and, of course, go to counseling to find out if something like that happened around the time she started acting differently. | |
| Nov 9, 2017 at 15:38 | answer | added | R.I.P.30.12.21Baskakov_Dmitriy | timeline score: 1 | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 19:25 | comment | added | barbecue | A teenager feels alienated from family, acts up, says hateful, spiteful things, and prefers to spend time with her peers. This is incredibly COMMON behavior, and while it sucks and is extremely painful, should not be viewed as something being horribly wrong. This sounds to me like just a dysfunctional family, and there's nothing rare or unusual about that. | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 16:32 | comment | added | OhBeWise | You felt terrible and came to a realization, but did you apologize? Did you recourse - stand up for her and address your brother? If so, does she know? Physical contact may not be her language of love - but it does sound like some emotional and verbal support are. | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 16:23 | comment | added | Peter M. - stands for Monica | OP: are you prepared to lose your daughter because you are not willing to stand up to your brother? If you are not ready to stand up for her and defend her, why she should stand for you? If she wants her uncle out of her life, help her do that. Find the reason why. Find out how you can have relation to your brother separately from your daughter. | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 15:42 | comment | added | JeopardyTempest | Your time with her will come to an end, be it in a week or a decade or a century. Try to make the best of it. Many may be negative to me saying such, but it need be said regardless... rather than focusing on the end of life, focus on the what comes before... and the what comes after. Those are the only instances where real life may be found. | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 15:38 | comment | added | JeopardyTempest | You sound quite afraid of dying alone. I can't say the thought doesn't unnerve me some too. But it may well be that, as much as we obsess over it, death winds up being the least important time of all to have companionship. Much like having a million dollars, and not being able to use it. Dying isn't the as the rosy "growing tired" often idealized in movies. It's our bodies falling apart - senses, brain, etc, no longer working. Much as those desperate to leave some "concrete" reminder to the world of their lives (like a theorem or a road name or notable fame), it may well work out hollow. | |
| Nov 8, 2017 at 11:37 | comment | added | Caterpillaraoz | @Layna Good point. From 18 to 22 I hated my parents, then I moved out and everything is good again! | |
| Nov 7, 2017 at 23:35 | history | protected | CommunityBot | ||
| Nov 7, 2017 at 16:44 | comment | added | Jared Smith | @Estela since true bullying seems to be off the table, there are two likely explanations: your daughter was molested either by someone not in the above list (e.g. a neighbor) or someone in the above list but no one knows, or... your daughter is interpreting the behavior of the people around her negatively even though it appears to others to be neutral-to-positive. That's more common than it might sound, especially for adolescents. And getting past it is unfortunately hard, you can spin everything negatively if you try. | |
| Nov 7, 2017 at 15:44 | answer | added | nijineko | timeline score: 6 | |
| Nov 7, 2017 at 12:11 | comment | added | Jared Smith | @Pharap it's a warning sign of abuse, not a certainty of abuse. | |
| Nov 7, 2017 at 4:32 | answer | added | anon | timeline score: 0 | |
| Nov 6, 2017 at 17:34 | answer | added | user16557 | timeline score: 0 | |
| Nov 6, 2017 at 15:45 | comment | added | user29147 | I hated physical contact as a teenage girl too. No abuse or molestation, I just started feeling "weird" about it as I was coping with all the other fun changes of puberty. And it's different among friends vs. family. With family, refusing hugs can be a way to assert control over your own self - not necessarily because you were hurt, but as a way of saying "I'm grown up now, I get to decide what to do with my body". | |
| Nov 6, 2017 at 5:14 | comment | added | DLosc | "It freaked me out and that's when I kicked her." I want to clarify: do you mean "told her to leave the house," or "struck her with my foot"? If you mean the first one, it would be more clearly expressed with the phrase "kicked her out." | |
| Nov 5, 2017 at 15:18 | answer | added | Jennifer | timeline score: 12 | |
| Nov 5, 2017 at 8:34 | comment | added | Pharap | @JaredSmith Really? To me it sounded more like a manefestation of anxiety or depression or some similar inner-psychological self-loathing, which would also fit with the falling grades. | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 21:02 | answer | added | boatcoder | timeline score: 36 | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 15:33 | answer | added | amergin | timeline score: 3 | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 12:54 | answer | added | AnoE | timeline score: 2 | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 7:33 | answer | added | Lahari Areti | timeline score: 4 | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 6:48 | comment | added | rexkogitans | Adolescence is the age where parents become weird. | |
| Nov 4, 2017 at 0:26 | answer | added | Giacomo1968 | timeline score: 15 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 23:53 | history | edited | Estela | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
edited body
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| Nov 3, 2017 at 22:47 | comment | added | Omegacron | Seems a little on the rough side, but this sounds like a fairly normal parent/teen relationship to me. It will most likely pass, but you have to be ready to seize the opportunity when it does. Don't hold a grudge - she's just being a child, and eventually she'll realize that. I've raised five (3 girls, 2 boys) and I've had fights with all three girls, only to have them move out and gain a new understanding of Mom/Dad afterwards... especially the one that has a kid now. The last two are still at home, both college-age boys, and they seem to appreciate the free meals a lot more LOL! | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 20:53 | history | edited | Estela | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
added 4 characters in body
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| Nov 3, 2017 at 19:59 | answer | added | yuudachi | timeline score: 2 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 18:58 | history | tweeted | twitter.com/StackParenting/status/926524050553344006 | ||
| Nov 3, 2017 at 18:54 | answer | added | The Big Laboratory | timeline score: 3 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 18:49 | comment | added | user29403 | @Estela You're going around talking to her classmates and friends? That would make me withdraw from my family. Of course you started that after the issues, so it has to be more than that. I just think that it might be influencing the continuation of her behaviour. | |
| S Nov 3, 2017 at 16:14 | history | edited | Estela | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
technically you're saying her grades started ignoring you by listening to music... fix that
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| S Nov 3, 2017 at 16:14 | history | suggested | hanshenrik | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
technically you're saying her grades started ignoring you by listening to music... fix that
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| Nov 3, 2017 at 15:35 | answer | added | baidiot | timeline score: 3 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 15:24 | comment | added | Estela | @Jared Smith When I discussed about it with her father, both talked to her teachers, friends, classmates and boyfriend and all of them said that she has never been bullied or something, not even in elementary school. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 15:22 | comment | added | Estela | @ScottMermelstein No, we got divorced when she was three years old so I never thought of it as a possibility. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 15:19 | comment | added | Scott Mermelstein | You mention her dad and you are divorced; did the divorce coincide with the time that she entered middle school? Divorce does impact the kids as well as the couple. It's not surprising to be emotional, distant, or hate those involved. Sometimes, it's so easy to get stuck in the own details of what's happening to you that it's hard to remember that they're also happening to those around you - and that they may not be as emotionally mature and therefore handle it differently. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 13:59 | comment | added | Jared Smith | @AndreiROM my wife is a social worker, so a lot of that mindset seeped in to me via osmosis (e.g. I edited all her undergrad and grad school papers). | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 13:51 | answer | added | Soron | timeline score: 8 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 13:50 | comment | added | AndreiROM | @JaredSmith - the second I started reading this my first thought was "sounds like she may have been molested." Disgust at physical contact is a strong indicator for this. That being said .. the teenage mind is a strange place. Might be something else entirely. But alarms did go off. On top of everything else, this girl sounds like she has never been disciplined properly in her life so ... | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 13:13 | answer | added | IMil | timeline score: 54 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 12:56 | comment | added | Jared Smith | There may be a culture barrier here, but from a US perspective there are abuse red-flags all over this. That change of behavior might have been because of normal pre-teen/teenage angst, or it may be because she was bullied/molested/etc. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 11:32 | answer | added | moosefetcher | timeline score: 15 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 10:18 | comment | added | T. Sar | The older you get, the more space you need away from your parents. It's not that you stop liking them, start hating them or anything like that. It is just part of life. You need to watch out for her friends to see if she is in good company, but otherwise give her space. She is 16, she needs it. Being an too presente parente can be as bad as being a too distant one. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 9:34 | review | Suggested edits | |||
| S Nov 3, 2017 at 16:14 | |||||
| Nov 3, 2017 at 9:19 | comment | added | Layna | Just anecdotal, but: almost everyone I know agrees with me on one thing: Relationships to parents get better once you move out of their house! Especially while trying to find out who you are as a person, a parents presence can feel smothering. Once you have the distance, you remember there is that person who can advise you. | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 7:00 | answer | added | Joachim Weiß | timeline score: 6 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 5:06 | answer | added | user3159253 | timeline score: 3 | |
| Nov 3, 2017 at 1:09 | answer | added | dgo | timeline score: 80 | |
| Nov 2, 2017 at 21:59 | review | Suggested edits | |||
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| Nov 2, 2017 at 21:49 | answer | added | user29389 | timeline score: 97 | |
| Nov 2, 2017 at 21:05 | review | First posts | |||
| Nov 2, 2017 at 22:14 | |||||
| Nov 2, 2017 at 21:05 | history | asked | Estela | CC BY-SA 3.0 |