Skip to main content
Parenting

Return to Answer

Copy edited.
Source Link
edit approved Jul 17, 2017 at 11:48
Peter Mortensen
edit approved Jul 17, 2017 at 11:48
Peter Mortensen
  • 229
  • 1
  • 6

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. MyMy for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'mI'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), is to forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it, put. Put that aside and think of your own personal feelings toward being a father, and your life being different.

That's called the unknown, which iI was terrified of too.

You won't be alone with that child around, you won't be miserable, and you definitely won't fail in life. YourYour feelings are normal for this sudden news. I lost my mind when I found I had a kid on the way. myMy life was over iI thought. Not ashamed to admit, man I had a world-class hissy fit. forFor two weeks iI went around yelling at the sky, falling to the ground, throwing my fists in the air, kicking trees, shaking and terrified. iI laugh now though, but that was real serious back then.

I slept on the couch, bought like 50 dollars worth of pregnancy tests and kept being like "please, just test again". II asked everyone, total strangers, for advice, and found it hard to believe when they were just amused and said I'd do fine. itIt bugged me that they took it so lightly, and I thought they didn't even know. II never wanted kids, ikids; I liked them just fine, but not permanently around me for the rest of our lives.

Eventually iI had to calm down and accept reality. TimesTimes were hard, and I was in school at the same time, and I was also alone most of the time taking care of the baby (she was there, but she had to work like 13 hour shifts, so it was pretty much me, homework and a baby for a long time. II worked part-time on top of school, switched to early morning so I could get home in time for the mom to go to work, then spend until like 1am1 am alone with the baby. noNo parents, no family support, just me and a baby).

manMan, I played so many video games with that baby on my lap, read so many stories, and got pretty good at Black Ops 2 (the big CoD at the time) causebecause she liked the knife kills for some reason (sounds bad, but she was super young and just saw shiny stuff. iI stopped when she started becoming more aware of her surroundings, and played other games around her. plusPlus since iI was in school she'd like to go through my books and see what iI was up to. sheShe loves reading to this day.)

The point is don't: Don't be afraid of life becoming horrible. ItIt was a lot easier to deal with an unexpected kid than I thought, though I did have to adjust. plusPlus your parents have your back, and they won't let you mess up; they'll let you have some freedom while you cope and adjust from what you say. youYou might even find yourself being jealous like hey mom let me chill with my kid for a minute, we're about to rock this game that just came out.  (btwBTW, Skyrim dropped about a year after she was born, and I tried to take her to the big release, but it was cold and rainy. sheShe still got to enjoy it though,though; babies are actually pretty fun. they'llThey'll hang out and be like what's up even though they can't use words yet.)

I now have a second, he's two, she's five, and they drive me up the wall every day, but I'm in a much better place. I feel like iI legitimately have real purpose now (that kid will be LOYAL to you like nobody else you've ever known,known; you can do no wrong in their eyes), and we all chill on video games, books, cartoons, comic books...and I totally use them as an excuse to get more games ;) orOr to get out of stuff I really don't want to go to. "what come over to where when? Who'sWho's gonna be there? ....um naw man I can't yeah kid and all..."

peoplePeople can hate on all that, but I'm the one who just read two kids two bedtime stories, tucked them both in, said goodnight, got on the computer to play some games, saw your post, and had to respond. It'sIt's cliche, but truth, when I look back and think to myself how it would have been to give up my first kid and how different things would be if iI decided to NOT be a father...that's when my stomach starts to turn, and I feel a similar fear I felt when I found I was going to BE a father. PicturingPicturing her out there in the world without me, in someone else's hands, is something I can't handle. theThe rest of the people who said make sure you understand the consequences are 100% right, you'll be thinking down the line "...I wonder..."

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. My for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it, put that aside and think of your own personal feelings toward being a father, and your life being different.

That's called the unknown, which i was terrified of too.

You won't be alone with that child around, you won't be miserable, and you definitely won't fail in life. Your feelings are normal for this sudden news. I lost my mind when I found I had a kid on the way. my life was over i thought. Not ashamed to admit, man I had a world-class hissy fit. for two weeks i went around yelling at the sky, falling to the ground, throwing my fists in the air, kicking trees, shaking and terrified. i laugh now though but that was real serious back then.

slept on the couch, bought like 50 dollars worth of pregnancy tests and kept being like "please, just test again". I asked everyone, total strangers, for advice, and found it hard to believe when they were just amused and said I'd do fine. it bugged me that they took it so lightly, I thought they didn't even know. I never wanted kids, i liked them just fine, but not permanently around me for the rest of our lives.

Eventually i had to calm down and accept reality. Times were hard and I was in school at the same time, and I was also alone most of the time taking care of the baby (she was there but she had to work like 13 hour shifts, so it was pretty much me, homework and a baby for a long time. I worked part-time on top of school, switched to early morning so I could get home in time for the mom to go to work, then spend until like 1am alone with the baby. no parents, no family support, just me and a baby).

man I played so many video games with that baby on my lap, read so many stories, and got pretty good at Black Ops 2 (the big CoD at the time) cause she liked the knife kills for some reason (sounds bad, but she was super young and just saw shiny stuff. i stopped when she started becoming more aware of her surroundings, and played other games around her. plus since i was in school she'd like to go through my books and see what i was up to. she loves reading to this day.)

point is don't be afraid of life becoming horrible. It was a lot easier to deal with an unexpected kid than I thought, though I did have to adjust. plus your parents have your back, they won't let you mess up; they'll let you have some freedom while you cope and adjust from what you say. you might even find yourself being jealous like hey mom let me chill with my kid for a minute, we're about to rock this game that just came out.  (btw Skyrim dropped about a year after she was born, tried to take her to the big release but it was cold and rainy. she still got to enjoy it though, babies are actually pretty fun. they'll hang out and be like what's up even though they can't use words yet)

I now have a second, he's two, she's five, and they drive me up the wall every day, but I'm in a much better place. I feel like i legitimately have real purpose now (that kid will be LOYAL to you like nobody else you've ever known, you can do no wrong in their eyes), and we all chill on video games, books, cartoons, comic books...and I totally use them as an excuse to get more games ;) or to get out of stuff I really don't want to go to. "what come over to where when? Who's gonna be there? ....um naw man I can't yeah kid and all..."

people can hate on all that, but I'm the one who just read two kids two bedtime stories, tucked them both in, said goodnight, got on the computer to play some games, saw your post, and had to respond. It's cliche, but truth, when I look back and think to myself how it would have been to give up my first kid and how different things would be if i decided to NOT be a father...that's when my stomach starts to turn, and I feel a similar fear I felt when I found I was going to BE a father. Picturing her out there in the world without me, in someone else's hands, is something I can't handle. the rest of the people who said make sure you understand the consequences are 100% right, you'll be thinking down the line "...I wonder..."

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. My for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), is to forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it. Put that aside and think of your own personal feelings toward being a father, and your life being different.

That's called the unknown, which I was terrified of too.

You won't be alone with that child around, you won't be miserable, and you definitely won't fail in life. Your feelings are normal for this sudden news. I lost my mind when I found I had a kid on the way. My life was over I thought. Not ashamed to admit, man I had a world-class hissy fit. For two weeks I went around yelling at the sky, falling to the ground, throwing my fists in the air, kicking trees, shaking and terrified. I laugh now though, but that was real serious back then.

I slept on the couch, bought like 50 dollars worth of pregnancy tests and kept being like "please, just test again". I asked everyone, total strangers, for advice, and found it hard to believe when they were just amused and said I'd do fine. It bugged me that they took it so lightly, and I thought they didn't even know. I never wanted kids; I liked them just fine, but not permanently around me for the rest of our lives.

Eventually I had to calm down and accept reality. Times were hard, and I was in school at the same time, and I was also alone most of the time taking care of the baby (she was there, but she had to work like 13 hour shifts, so it was pretty much me, homework and a baby for a long time. I worked part-time on top of school, switched to early morning so I could get home in time for the mom to go to work, then spend until like 1 am alone with the baby. No parents, no family support, just me and a baby).

Man, I played so many video games with that baby on my lap, read so many stories, and got pretty good at Black Ops 2 (the big CoD at the time) because she liked the knife kills for some reason (sounds bad, but she was super young and just saw shiny stuff. I stopped when she started becoming more aware of her surroundings, and played other games around her. Plus since I was in school she'd like to go through my books and see what I was up to. She loves reading to this day.)

The point is: Don't be afraid of life becoming horrible. It was a lot easier to deal with an unexpected kid than I thought, though I did have to adjust. Plus your parents have your back, and they won't let you mess up; they'll let you have some freedom while you cope and adjust from what you say. You might even find yourself being jealous like hey mom let me chill with my kid for a minute, we're about to rock this game that just came out. (BTW, Skyrim dropped about a year after she was born, and I tried to take her to the big release, but it was cold and rainy. She still got to enjoy it though; babies are actually pretty fun. They'll hang out and be like what's up even though they can't use words yet.)

I now have a second, he's two, she's five, and they drive me up the wall every day, but I'm in a much better place. I feel like I legitimately have real purpose now (that kid will be LOYAL to you like nobody else you've ever known; you can do no wrong in their eyes), and we all chill on video games, books, cartoons, comic books...and I totally use them as an excuse to get more games ;) Or to get out of stuff I really don't want to go to. "what come over to where when? Who's gonna be there? ....um naw man I can't yeah kid and all..."

People can hate on all that, but I'm the one who just read two kids two bedtime stories, tucked them both in, said goodnight, got on the computer to play some games, saw your post, and had to respond. It's cliche, but truth, when I look back and think to myself how it would have been to give up my first kid and how different things would be if I decided to NOT be a father...that's when my stomach starts to turn, and I feel a similar fear I felt when I found I was going to BE a father. Picturing her out there in the world without me, in someone else's hands, is something I can't handle. The rest of the people who said make sure you understand the consequences are 100% right, you'll be thinking down the line "...I wonder..."

Source Link
NOP
NOP
  • 1.1k
  • 1
  • 6
  • 7

Bro, don't be afraid. How old is this child? I'm guessing baby. My for real advice (everyone is RIGHT on the lawyer part, but that's not a part of my answer, because they have already said it. I'm going to talk about the personal, emotional side.), forget the mother's role and who she is just for now while you deal with it, put that aside and think of your own personal feelings toward being a father, and your life being different.

That's called the unknown, which i was terrified of too.

You won't be alone with that child around, you won't be miserable, and you definitely won't fail in life. Your feelings are normal for this sudden news. I lost my mind when I found I had a kid on the way. my life was over i thought. Not ashamed to admit, man I had a world-class hissy fit. for two weeks i went around yelling at the sky, falling to the ground, throwing my fists in the air, kicking trees, shaking and terrified. i laugh now though but that was real serious back then.

slept on the couch, bought like 50 dollars worth of pregnancy tests and kept being like "please, just test again". I asked everyone, total strangers, for advice, and found it hard to believe when they were just amused and said I'd do fine. it bugged me that they took it so lightly, I thought they didn't even know. I never wanted kids, i liked them just fine, but not permanently around me for the rest of our lives.

Eventually i had to calm down and accept reality. Times were hard and I was in school at the same time, and I was also alone most of the time taking care of the baby (she was there but she had to work like 13 hour shifts, so it was pretty much me, homework and a baby for a long time. I worked part-time on top of school, switched to early morning so I could get home in time for the mom to go to work, then spend until like 1am alone with the baby. no parents, no family support, just me and a baby).

man I played so many video games with that baby on my lap, read so many stories, and got pretty good at Black Ops 2 (the big CoD at the time) cause she liked the knife kills for some reason (sounds bad, but she was super young and just saw shiny stuff. i stopped when she started becoming more aware of her surroundings, and played other games around her. plus since i was in school she'd like to go through my books and see what i was up to. she loves reading to this day.)

point is don't be afraid of life becoming horrible. It was a lot easier to deal with an unexpected kid than I thought, though I did have to adjust. plus your parents have your back, they won't let you mess up; they'll let you have some freedom while you cope and adjust from what you say. you might even find yourself being jealous like hey mom let me chill with my kid for a minute, we're about to rock this game that just came out. (btw Skyrim dropped about a year after she was born, tried to take her to the big release but it was cold and rainy. she still got to enjoy it though, babies are actually pretty fun. they'll hang out and be like what's up even though they can't use words yet)

I now have a second, he's two, she's five, and they drive me up the wall every day, but I'm in a much better place. I feel like i legitimately have real purpose now (that kid will be LOYAL to you like nobody else you've ever known, you can do no wrong in their eyes), and we all chill on video games, books, cartoons, comic books...and I totally use them as an excuse to get more games ;) or to get out of stuff I really don't want to go to. "what come over to where when? Who's gonna be there? ....um naw man I can't yeah kid and all..."

people can hate on all that, but I'm the one who just read two kids two bedtime stories, tucked them both in, said goodnight, got on the computer to play some games, saw your post, and had to respond. It's cliche, but truth, when I look back and think to myself how it would have been to give up my first kid and how different things would be if i decided to NOT be a father...that's when my stomach starts to turn, and I feel a similar fear I felt when I found I was going to BE a father. Picturing her out there in the world without me, in someone else's hands, is something I can't handle. the rest of the people who said make sure you understand the consequences are 100% right, you'll be thinking down the line "...I wonder..."

Good luck!