Timeline for Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
20 events
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| Dec 18, 2015 at 4:35 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @wedstrom - this is a great example of the unrealistic world view to which I was referring. Thanks! | |
| Dec 18, 2015 at 0:14 | comment | added | wedstrom | I've heard of people being so careful to shelter their children from disagreement, that as married adults the children were horrified at the fights they had and believed incorrectly that they were unusual and a sign of serious trouble within the marriage. I think this is an excellent answer to explain when and how to allow your children to see you disagree. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 20:26 | history | edited | anongoodnurse | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
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| Dec 16, 2015 at 14:07 | comment | added | McCann | I completely agree. The worst thing parents can do is never show their children how to negotiate differences. Or even worse, suppress their feelings when issues come up and explode at each other later. Children will disagree with others, they need examples of how to do it in a constructive way. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 10:48 | comment | added | Guillaume | Sorry, I wrote above "I do want to force you to agree" but I meant "I do not want to force you to agree" obviously. And it seems I can't edit my comments. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 10:37 | comment | added | James Snell | Upvoted. I would suggest rewording the paragraph before the edit, to say something along the lines "once a decision has been made, parents should provide a united front". That would make your intent there more clear. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 8:01 | comment | added | YviDe | @Guillaume well, you can always write your own answer. I do think 7 year old have valid opinions, for what's it worth. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 7:50 | comment | added | Guillaume | I do want to force you to agree, I'd like to hear more on the other side. For example, my parents have never shown any form of disagreement when I was young. Why so? Was it bad? Who told them not to? | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 3:27 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @Guillaume - Of course you are free to think/feel whatever you do, but that doesn't change my answer. Why 7? Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I felt it was important to respect my kids' feelings and to hear them when they disagreed with me. "Therefore, I do not want parents to disagree in front of the kids." No one is forcing you to. Nor can you force us to agree with your stance. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 3:18 | comment | added | Guillaume | I feel I'm not fully satisfied with this answer, and even less with the others. I take that parents being wrong is not a problem, and it can happen and can be explicit. However, I do not think it is fair to let kids (<7 yo) believe they have a voice in a real "discussion". They do not have well pondered personal opinions on any important topic, and lighter topics like choice of marmelade do not need to be discussed. I do not want to mimic discussion when it is fake. Therefore, I do not want parents to disagree in front of the kids. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 23:41 | comment | added | Dronz | That sounds great. I think you probably didn't mean "discuss differences of opinion in private" the way I imagined it. What kind of differences to discuss in private is probably a judgement call each set of parents need to make for themselves. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 23:16 | history | edited | anongoodnurse | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
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| Dec 15, 2015 at 23:13 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @Dronz - We used to have family confrences - with the kids - where we all contributed to the discussion and decided - together - what was and wasn't allowed, and appropriate consequences. The kids were given new privileges this way, and when they broke the rules, they knew they had already agreed to their appropriateness before, so it cut down on the "no fair!!!" aspect. This is decision making within a family (which does involve some disagreement), but not what I would categorize as disagreeing in front of the kids. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 20:42 | comment | added | Dronz | @PaulJohnson Great example! I think the final sentence of this answer is a problem, as shown by its own second bullet-point. I would suggest instead that while the parents probably do want to agree on rules and consequences, that the discussions would ideally also often be available to the children (if the parents can handle that). | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 18:21 | comment | added | Paul Johnson | I recall a story about a couple who tried very hard to keep their disagreements polite and respectful when in front of the children. They realised it wasn't working when one of their children said "He called me 'darling' first!". | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 16:32 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @Guillaume - it refers back to "about some things". | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 12:49 | comment | added | sbi |
I came here meaning to write pretty much exactly this. Oh well, here's your upvote instead. .)
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| Dec 15, 2015 at 8:08 | comment | added | Frames Catherine White | I think the point was you can disagree in general about things, except for disagreeing about the rules/consequences for children. In that case you should present a united front at all times, and only discuss disagreements about the rules/consequences in private. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 7:38 | comment | added | Guillaume | I don't understand you: it is "perfectly fine to disagree in front of children" but we should "provide a united front at all times" and "discuss differences of opinion in private"? | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 4:55 | history | answered | anongoodnurse | CC BY-SA 3.0 |