Timeline for Is it ok to disagree in front of the kids?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
32 events
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| Apr 13, 2017 at 12:41 | history | edited | CommunityBot |
replaced http://parenting.stackexchange.com/ with https://parenting.stackexchange.com/
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| Dec 23, 2015 at 14:00 | comment | added | Acire | The original form of your question is fairly theoretical, hence you got theoretical answers. Changing it to a more example based form isn't particularly fair to the theoretical answers, because either each answer OP needs to revise their answer or else existing answers look like they're ignoring the specifics of your question. I understand that you're not satisfied with the answers, but at this point a new question is more likely to serve you better. | |
| Dec 23, 2015 at 13:17 | comment | added | Guillaume | @anongoodnurse I fail to see how asking for examples of suitable discussions is changing the question. Actually, giving examples of good topics where parents can disagree in front iof the kids is the only way the answer the question in a constructive and concrete way, is it not? | |
| Dec 23, 2015 at 5:50 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @Guillaume - The suitability of topics for discussion with children is a great question, but it is a different question. Please feel free to ask a new question (or several) about your concerns; we like and welcome questions here! However the question you originally asked should remain basically the same once it has answers; that's policy on all SE sites. | |
| Dec 23, 2015 at 4:12 | history | rollback | anongoodnurse |
Rollback to Revision 3
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| Dec 23, 2015 at 3:05 | history | edited | Guillaume | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
Add request for more concrete examples of discussions.
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| Dec 23, 2015 at 3:02 | comment | added | Guillaume | Ok, I understand. I'll edit in another way. | |
| Dec 22, 2015 at 17:38 | history | rollback | Rory Alsop♦ |
Rollback to Revision 1
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| Dec 22, 2015 at 17:38 | comment | added | Rory Alsop♦ | Guillaume - taking a quick independent look at your latest edit, I'd have to agree with anongoodnurse. You have changed the entire meaning of the question. Adding all them into the question makes it very different. For this reason I'll roll back to your previous version - can I suggest you ask a new question on topics which are okay to discuss, if you want to. | |
| Dec 22, 2015 at 15:11 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | Again, to reiterate, "I think it's perfectly fine to disagree in front of children - about some things." That does imply some other things are off topic. Finding some that are off topic doesn't change the answer: it's still beneficial to model - in front of kids - rational decision making when a disagreement occurs. That doesn't mean you must unburden yourself on your kids or allow them to make all the decisions. Would I ask what my kids wanted for lunch? When there was a choice, definitely. It shows I care about them. If there's no choice, or I had time/energy constraints, then no. | |
| Dec 22, 2015 at 15:04 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | This is a pretty substantial edit; it might be better as a new question. Disagreeing in front of the kids differs significantly from "Are these kinds of topics appropriate to discuss with kids?" Complaining about your mother-in-law isn't particularly beneficial to the kids. Why zoos depress you might actually be a very good topic of conversation with kids - captivity vs. natural habitat, etc. But the vast majority of people disagreed with your first question. Please don't change the nature of the question now. Better to ask a new question. (This is a Q&A site, not a forum,) | |
| Dec 22, 2015 at 9:31 | history | edited | Guillaume | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
Adding concrete examples of discussions that can be hard to have in front of the kids
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| Dec 20, 2015 at 19:21 | comment | added | Alec Teal | Depends how far it goes, I mean my dad once threw my mum out of a window and I would say if anything that has made me a more reasonable person. | |
| Dec 17, 2015 at 18:14 | answer | added | Brad Rogers | timeline score: 0 | |
| Dec 17, 2015 at 16:08 | answer | added | teldon james turner | timeline score: 3 | |
| Dec 17, 2015 at 11:15 | answer | added | Nick | timeline score: 4 | |
| Dec 17, 2015 at 11:13 | answer | added | Guillaume | timeline score: 1 | |
| Dec 17, 2015 at 10:48 | comment | added | user2338816 | Disagree, yes. Argue, no. Peacefully resolving disagreements is a valuable skill to learn. Rules/consequences, however, should always be agreed upon in advance, ideally in advance of having children so that disagreement doesn't happen over those. "When two people always agree, one of them isn't necessary." (Wish I could source that.) | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 21:04 | comment | added | YviDe | @Guillaume yes, there is probably a cultural difference at play here. I really would be interested in your perspective as an answer, for what's it worth. Since I can't even agree with myself most days, I wonder how you'd propose a family life with no disagreements can be handled? One person making the decisions? Sending the child away while talking? Etc | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 20:57 | comment | added | Lindsey D | @Guillaume: I'm most bothered by the arbitrary ages (7, 5, 15) that you've mentioned in various comments for "when to allow XYZ". Children are real people, with their own personalities, and every person is different. Even my 3 year old son has intelligent thoughts & opinions, and I truly value the input he has on various topics. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 20:43 | answer | added | SSG | timeline score: 6 | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 20:35 | answer | added | Jesse Williams | timeline score: 4 | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 20:19 | comment | added | anongoodnurse | @Guillaume - it is inevitable - inevitable - that two people in close contact will eventually disagree. Failure to openly disagree because of cultural submission, politeness, etc., should not be mistaken as perpetual agreement. The way in which people can disagree can be healthy - openly with a mind towards a common ground - or unhealthy, resulting in emotional harm to one party or the other. What you espouse as the ideal is in fact very far from it. | |
| Dec 16, 2015 at 3:23 | comment | added | Guillaume | Close people "must fight"? I think this is a very cultural view. In Asia people do not fight openly. Yes, in some Western movies you see people fight all the time, but is it a good model? And maybe, just maybe, a part of parenting problems come from this perpetual exposure of strong opinions on everything by everyone. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 21:21 | comment | added | Andrew | I would like to recommend a book. "The Intimate Enemy" by George R Bach. I wish I didn't have to say "It changed my life," but that's about the only way to put it. The idea is that people who are close to each other must fight to maintain a healthy relationship, so here's how to do it without hurting the relationship. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 16:11 | comment | added | Mason Wheeler | Disagreeing in front of the kids is fine. It's fighting in front of them that will cause real problems. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 12:36 | comment | added | the_lotus | I can't find the studies on this computer so I'll write a comment. There is nothing wrong with arguing, as long as it doesn't escalate too much/too often (yelling, throwing stuff, calling names). In either case, the most important thing is to reconcile infront of the kid, not in private. If it's done in private, the parents need to tell the kid that they found a solution. Doing this reverse the bad effect (in the child brain) of seeing their parents fight. | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 12:32 | history | tweeted | twitter.com/StackParenting/status/676741671581786112 | ||
| Dec 15, 2015 at 11:14 | answer | added | YviDe | timeline score: 24 | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 7:04 | answer | added | Dariusz | timeline score: 16 | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 4:55 | answer | added | anongoodnurse | timeline score: 88 | |
| Dec 15, 2015 at 2:54 | history | asked | Guillaume | CC BY-SA 3.0 |