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This "creating a competing emotion" workscan work really well.

What I'm trying to say is that telling them the truth (ghosts not real) is necessary but not sufficient. The child needs to work through the emotional component of their fear, which doesn't just go away when they realise that the fear is not founded in fact.

One way to help them work through that emotion is to tell stories together with your child, in which:

  • positive emotions and associations (such as laughter and parental closeness and support) replace negative ones,
  • the child exerts control and dominance over the fictional object of their fear, e.g. by scaring it or calling it rude names.

This "creating a competing emotion" works really well.

What I'm trying to say is that telling them the truth (ghosts not real) is necessary but not sufficient.

This "creating a competing emotion" can work really well.

What I'm trying to say is that telling them the truth (ghosts not real) is necessary but not sufficient. The child needs to work through the emotional component of their fear, which doesn't just go away when they realise that the fear is not founded in fact.

One way to help them work through that emotion is to tell stories together with your child, in which:

  • positive emotions and associations (such as laughter and parental closeness and support) replace negative ones,
  • the child exerts control and dominance over the fictional object of their fear, e.g. by scaring it or calling it rude names.
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  • Acknowledge the fear
  • Let them know it’s normal to have fears
  • Be reassuring
  • Be playful in your approach to managing fears
  • Try to empower the child through positive imaginings or fantasies
  • Create pleasant associations
  • Applaud bravery
  • In new situations remind them about how they managed to overcome a fear last time

"Toddler Fears", Parentline Australia

^ The bold sections there (emphasis mine) are what I'm talking about.

At any age, break the challenge into small steps, says Chanksy. She suggests tackling that big, dark cave of a closet by turning it into something fun and positive. "By creating a competing emotion," she says, "you help burn out the anxiety." Be creative, says Chansky: Go into the dark and read a book by flashlight. Make five goofy faces, and get out right away. Play 20 questions. This all gets your child into a different frame of mind. Practice often, for the best results.

"Childhood Fears and Anxieties", WebMD

This "creating a competing emotion" works really well.

What I'm trying to say is that telling them the truth (ghosts not real) is necessary but not sufficient.

  • Acknowledge the fear
  • Let them know it’s normal to have fears
  • Be reassuring
  • Be playful in your approach to managing fears
  • Try to empower the child through positive imaginings or fantasies
  • Create pleasant associations
  • Applaud bravery
  • In new situations remind them about how they managed to overcome a fear last time

"Toddler Fears", Parentline Australia

^ The bold sections there (emphasis mine) are what I'm talking about.

At any age, break the challenge into small steps, says Chanksy. She suggests tackling that big, dark cave of a closet by turning it into something fun and positive. "By creating a competing emotion," she says, "you help burn out the anxiety." Be creative, says Chansky: Go into the dark and read a book by flashlight. Make five goofy faces, and get out right away. Play 20 questions. This all gets your child into a different frame of mind. Practice often, for the best results.

"Childhood Fears and Anxieties", WebMD

This "creating a competing emotion" works really well.

What I'm trying to say is that telling them the truth (ghosts not real) is necessary but not sufficient.

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  • The disadvantage of the truth-telling approach is that it doesn't allow you to really acknowledge the child's fear and allow them to work through it with you.
  • The disadvantage of the "I'll chase away the ghost" approach is that it can give the message that ghosts are real.

So -Combining the two: while sticking with the fact that ghosts aren't real - you can allow the child to work through their fears by telling them stories in which the ghosts are ridiculous (and not scary at all) and the child and the parent work together to scare or humiliate the ghosts.

The answer is that we're not "telling them to go away" in real life, as a way oftechnique for dealing with a real-life danger (in the way that crossing the road at the pedestrian crossing is a way to dealtechnique for dealing with the real-life danger of traffic).

  • unthreatening, and
  • easily defeated by the child with a bit of help from mum/dad.
    So that gives the child a chance to work through some of the emotional impact of the ghosts, which a flatan un-elaborated "ghosts aren't real" doesn't give them the chance to do.

So - while sticking with the fact that ghosts aren't real - you can allow the child to work through their fears by telling them stories in which the ghosts are ridiculous (and not scary at all) and the child and the parent work together to scare or humiliate the ghosts.

The answer is that we're not "telling them to go away" in real life, as a way of dealing with a real danger (in the way that crossing the road at the pedestrian crossing is a way to deal with the danger of traffic).

  • unthreatening, and
  • easily defeated by the child with a bit of help from mum/dad.
    So that gives the child a chance to work through some of the emotional impact of the ghosts, which a flat "ghosts aren't real" doesn't give them the chance to do.
  • The disadvantage of the truth-telling approach is that it doesn't allow you to really acknowledge the child's fear and allow them to work through it with you.
  • The disadvantage of the "I'll chase away the ghost" approach is that it can give the message that ghosts are real.

Combining the two: while sticking with the fact that ghosts aren't real - you can allow the child to work through their fears by telling them stories in which the ghosts are ridiculous (and not scary at all) and the child and the parent work together to scare or humiliate the ghosts.

The answer is that we're not "telling them to go away" in real life, as a technique for dealing with a real-life danger (in the way that crossing the road at the pedestrian crossing is a technique for dealing with the real-life danger of traffic).

  • unthreatening, and
  • easily defeated by the child with a bit of help from mum/dad.
    So that gives the child a chance to work through some of the emotional impact of the ghosts, which an un-elaborated "ghosts aren't real" doesn't give them the chance to do.
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