"Our son doesn't want to celebrate his birthday party. How can we justify ignoring his wishes on his birthday to make ourselves feel better?" Short answer: Don't.

I'm going to have to throw up a big ol' red flag here from the first sentences of your first two paragraphs: You went through her phone without her present, and then called her in to demand answers. Did she even know you were going to do that, or did she expect you to respect her privacy? Because if she did, then your daughter's future sexual preferences are not the primary problem you need to deal with ASAP before it festers and ruins your relationship.

@JJJohn "emotionally detaching" from your ten-year-old son sounds like an absolutely horribly bad idea under almost all circumstances.

Kindly keep your political screeds out of a earnest parenting question.

Time for the kid to have a lot less contact with his father, I'd say, and I'm pretty sure if it comes down to a lawsuit CPS will have your back on this.