100

My friend obviously did not react well when she found out about the incident. How should she make up for it to her daughter? She should apologize. You say your friend didn't react ideally, I'd say she reacted stupidly. She got angry at her daughter because she was clueless when everyone else wasn't. Her daughter did nothing wrong, and your friend got angry ...


68

To answer the question as to "why protests turn to riots" it often comes down to people not feeling like they are heard. Think about if you (or your child) is asking for something, something you believe is important and the person who you are asking seems to be ignoring you. You might ask again. And again. And again..... and again. Eventually some ...


53

This is a difficult problem for parents because we hate making our children cry, but it seems to me that you use 'the naughty place' / timeout and that can be effective. I don't call it 'the naughty place'. As difficult as it is when your child cries, sometimes it is your job to be firm. At two, she is trying to assert herself. This is a normal part of ...


43

I take what I consider to be a pragmatic approach: if there is no toy which is obviously a gun, kids just make their own (60-80% of boys, 30% of girls, play with "aggressive toys" of some variety). Fingers, sticks, coat hangers (which double as pretty decent fighter planes and space ships, IMHO), pencils/pens, cardboard tubes (packing tubes make great ...


31

You could use it as an example of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crowd_psychology - what can happen when people feel like they are a part of a crowd. Their individual responsibility is diffused, things that people wouldn't ordinarily do become normalized. It could happen to anyone, especially if they are unaware. It could be a valuable lesson for your ...


30

No parents are entitled to be told by their children about things they would want to know. It may be right for their kids to tell them, it may be good and helpful, it may be reasonable and all sorts of other things, but no parent is that special, privileged member of royalty who, when his or her child acts as children will act, gets to be super outraged and ...


29

Kids, just like adults, want to "be cool", to have fun and to have something they can share with their friends. TV, video games, pro wrestling, whatever. And the parts they want to talk about/reenact are going to be the ones that they find most fun or exciting. Think back to the last action movie you saw (for me it was probably Avengers or something ...


29

I've got a hard time explaining the motives of the terrorists. I don't know whether this is the best article on the subject (it's near the top of this Google search) but for example What Motivates Terrorists? starts with, One of the most frequently asked questions about terrorism is also the most intractable. Why? Why do they do it? Why do people join ...


27

There are no easy answers. You need to seek professional help and encourage your mother to do the same. A domestic violence helpline is a good place to start. Be patient and supportive, and help her get into a position where she is strong and self confident enough to do what she needs to do for herself.


25

I want to address a particular issue I see in the comments: the (important) distinction between punishments and consequences. Punishments are distinct from consequences, and work differently. Many theories of parenting rely on consequences solely, and do not rely on punishments at all. Punishments do not inherently contain violence per se, but they do ...


23

14 months is pretty young to learn to be truly nice to another - he almost certainly has very little empathy at this point. He's not trying to hurt the dog; he's pushing a button that makes a bell ring, basically: cause, effect, nothing more. The fact that the dog doesn't react much is a good thing - it makes it likely to be a shorter phase, rather than if ...


19

First off let me applaud you loudly for taking this step. Many in similar situations are too ashamed to admit it to others. Your mother is one example. Unfortunately, this is a large complex problem, which we can help only minimally online. Google "abused women help" - Which resources look useful to you? In the United States, many cities have ...


19

when I was driving and he used bad words to me and punched to my head many time, I wanted to call 911 , but he said I will kill you later if you do it. We asked police before , but they said we can help you if something happened !! You were assaulted. Call them. The fact that he is your son only matters as far as you are responsible for him. If he will hit ...


18

It seems from your question fairly evident that you don't know yourself why people would behave this way as members of the privileged majority it's not easy to intuit why people feel a more significant protest is needed. I think it it entirely acceptable to tell your children "I don't know". If you try to explain others' answers you are going to struggle ...


16

No, punishment is violence. Violence, a fact of life, is a part of nature and their world. The question implicit is what are the tolerable/intolerable externalities of violence and how to manage the potential risks that you fear in accomplishing the desired behavior modification in the child. However, please do reconsider whether you must resort to ...


16

Someone will probably comment that ODD and ADHD can't be diagnosed reliably in a preschooler. Not only is that unhelpful, it's also untrue. I can't speak to your child's ADHD, but it sure sounds like they have ODD. What can you do? It's hard to say, because you don't mention everything that you do try before the tantrums erupt. You don't say what kind of ...


15

I volunteer at ADHD and Aspergers syndrome vacation camps for kids. We hold raging kids and keep a rigid consequence structure that everyone follows (organizers included). Usually after 2-3 everything calms down and the kids can have fun. Holding is helpful to calm down a child but it does not fix the source of his tantrums. Write a contract with your ...


15

Violence and play fighting is an innate aspect of human behaviour. You can observe animals play fighting as well. Domestically, you can observe cats and dogs play fight, more commonly as juveniles. Our closest animal relative, chimps, are also known to wrestle and play chase. I don't believe the desire to play fight is mimicked from television (what ...


14

This is the line I've taken, for better or worse... Like in school we trust teachers to be telling the truth about things in lessons. The people who attacked France, were told lies by their teachers but they really, really believe them - they think that we're bad people and they're good. So they want us to live their way. The way they were taught tells ...


14

Am I overreacting?? Possibly. Probably. To adults this act - showing a young person a beheading - is horrifying, because we know all that it means. But a child might not see it that way, especially if they are exposed to violence in games/TV shows, etc. It was probably sensational to your nephew and he wanted to impress someone else with his sensational ...


13

It sounds like what you have is a breakdown in communication. It's especially difficult around this age since she is trying to make use of her newly acquired language skills. Look at it from her point of view. — "I want your phone." — "No, this is mine!" That response eliminates all common ground. What other recourse does she have but to throw a ...


13

1a. Is it the fear of re-living the trauma that kept the child quiet? Possibly. It might also be that she didn't want to betray what she saw as a confidence. Or she might have been worried that her mother would react in a big way when it's not her problem to solve. Only person who would know is the daughter, and even she might not be sure. 1b. How can my ...


12

Most important then if you should let your child play with toy A or toy B, is what you already posted in your question: What are the effects this kind of play have in the children's psichology? Remember toddlers and young children have trouble separating fantasy from reality. His nightmares and fantasies will seem as real as school to them. You have to ...


10

For us, psychological abuse is a serious issue. I've seen children who've never been hit more traumatised than ones who've been seriously physically hurt through "discipline". I know that consequences have to happen in a controlled environment at an early age, since if the child does not learn that early, then they will have great difficulties related to ...


10

As others remarked, the riots are puzzling to us adults as well — that's the reason you are asking. We are struggling to explain it not because there is a truth so terrible that it is unsuited for children; it's rather that it seems morally wrong and not conducive to the eventual goal of achieving racial justice. So why are people rioting and looting ...


9

Sorry, I would move out. Bullies are quite distressing, but if you have them INSIDE your home, the result is you do not have a place to call home, a safe relaxing, comfortable place. Move out as soon as possible.


9

Kids mess up. A lot. If it were possible to do something for a month that would make them stop messing up, they wouldn't need to live with you anymore. Kids messing up isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong. It's a sign that you're dealing with a normal human kid. Parenting is raising a successful 35 year-old. It's a job with a very long view. ...


9

In some ways this might be considered a healthier reaction than punching other things. It shows that she is trying to control herself, but she doesn't know how. My son had anger issues and it helped when we got him one of those inflatable punching buddies. We made sure he understood that it was absolutely okay for him to punch it as much and as hard as he ...


8

The time-out system is designed to be non-punishment. It is about teaching a child who is out of control to settle himself. When the child misbehaves, he is put in his room for a few minutes (longer as he gets older), until he has regained his composure. It is an application of consequences - if you misbehave, other people don't want to be around you. When ...


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