49

You bring up many points that show that your relationship with your kid is not the best at the moment. But I'd like to focus on your kid presumably being trans. It isn't a trend Yes, there are more people openly living trans these days than ten or twenty years before, especially in the younger generation. But this doesn't invalidate these trans identities. ...


23

I would suggest going carefully – the worst thing you could do is hurt your child or your relationship with them. Make sure that whatever you do is something that makes them feel loved and listened to. Next, I would realize that children at that age are going through a lot, both mentally, emotionally, physically and in interpersonal relationships. If it ...


17

Surgery sound scary, but it's not like on TV: you can't simply walk in and get surgery. Surgeons need to follow the WPATH Standards of Care (pdf) at the bare minimum. To my knowledge, all forms of surgery require the age of majority (typically 18 years of age). Your child will need to get a referral (possibly two referrals) from a "qualified mental ...


14

What ever happens, make sure she has gender dysphoria. Transitioning without dysphoria is a massive mistake, and most realize this sooner or later. If she actually is transgender, then transitioning is necessary for the dysphoria. She needs to see a psychiatrist/psychologist for a diagnosis, and it's important she does not lie/use examples on the internet of ...


8

I'd suggest a few things. First let go of the city life. As they say, if you want a family, then "it is not about you anymore". Second, be there. Be at home, be available to, say, drive the girl (or the boy) to places where they do stuff (gym, ballet, their friends' house, the mall, etc). Then, things will come at their time, be patient here as the girl is ...


8

Make it clear to your daughter that it's entirely her choice how she wants to live her life once she is grown up. Tell her you will stand by her regardless of how she lives it. Stress that you stand by her even in this difficult times. Maybe she wants to be called "he" from now on, I wouldn't deny this. If you do she/he will probably distance ...


7

This is not a full answer, more some advice. You say your daughter has some social anxiety (quite normal, certainly at that age) and that you work a lot. Is it possible she spends a lot of time alone and online? Spending too much* time alone and online is not very good for anyone's mental health, but it is an easy habit to form especially now with the ...


7

Here's my attempt: You messed up your relationship (I'm not criticizing it, BTW, I'm just stating a fact) and that obviously troubles your daughter. If you feel like you cannot fix your relationship, all you can do is to try to minimize the negative effects this has on your daughter. If I was in your place, I'd start out by asking myself why she behaves ...


5

The biggest difference I see between 'formal' daycare with large classes of similar age kids and informal at-home daycare is being able to behave well in large groups with relatively little attention paid per child. I'm going to see this first hand to some extent; my first child is getting close to 3, and is leaving daycare to stay at home with mom (but ...


5

In addition to some of the great advice offered here, I would recommend: don't change her home. Separating parents will often play ping pong with their kids - pass the kids back and forth between Mom and Dad's home. This can be very frustrating for a child because they don't have a place to call home anymore. I've seen parents who treat the home where they ...


5

After Christmas, (if you celebrate it), I'd set the stage. It seems you might want to give him more time than I suggested in my comment. Perhaps find a book like one of these and give it to him after the holiday. Read it with him/them and start the conversation. Tell the truth. "Teacher is getting another job. She will miss you, too." Perhaps make Teacher a ...


5

You mention 3 issues in your post: Disagreement on parenting with your girl friend I don't have a lot of experience here, but treat it as a separate topic from everything else. Discuss your role in parenting your step-kids; explain why you feel you should have a voice. Once you agree to what extent you are involved in parenting, then you can agree on ...


5

Well at this age separation anxiety is rather high & nothing to be unduly concerned about , regardless of how hard it is to get through. If the care provider allows it, perhaps just videotape what is happening after you leave. My children all were like this at this age, the ones that I worked since 6 weeks old and the one I was home with all the time....


4

Really, you don't know. Maybe he really is a boy, maybe she's just acting up for whatever reason. But in one case refusing to go along can have lasting consequences on his well-being, while in the other, well, it'll all go away and be soon forgotten. If he really is a boy, things will be difficult enough for him with lots of people, so-called friends, and ...


4

You should think more about spongebob squarepants, and less about transgender surgery costs. It is a trend and an emerging science Link to Google Ngram Viewer It is both a trend in human history and in the behavior of your specific child, since it has only shown signs at age 13. It's an emerging science, a vogue, a recent phenomenon, and anyone that would ...


3

I don't think you need to worry about negative associations. Children this young tend to live in the moment, Their quick to be upset but just as quick to forgive and forget. Your daughter has likely already forgotten about the staircase or being upset. I doubt she has made any negative associations that need to be broken. In fact I would say trying to ...


3

As you noted, kids preschool age have limited ability to process. They are "concrete" thinkers. They may have a motherly attachment to your provider, but in the end, she's just a friend. At this age, they'll forget about her after a few years. If you are concrete with your information, they will understand to the level they can comprehend. Children this age ...


3

Try giving him a sippy cup or a cup with a straw during meal times. If you really want to continue with bottles, then have someone else give him the bottle - and make sure you are no where to be seen when it's given to him. If you are using formula during the bottle feeding, then try switching out the formula.


3

You are doing all that you can, and it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. It sounds like you understand that it's impossible to completely prevent or 'fix' her behavior, and that's good. She is going through a tough time, just like you and your wife are, and there will invariably be some outbursts. I would advise redirecting her when she ...


3

You are clearly an organized and intentional parent and have instilled discipline into your child (great!), yet your child is suddenly acting up. It sounds like you need to work on your marriage more than your parenting. I'm sorry if that sounded insensitive, or maybe even off-topic, but it's important to understand that a 3-year-old's entire universe is ...


3

The transition will probably be harder for you than it will be for him. Joe's answer above was spot-on in getting him comfortable with being able to behave with limited supervision would be a good starting point. Enrolling him in a sport (gymnastics is pretty good depending on how full his class is, tee ball, soccer) that requires short periods of waiting ...


3

Our kids made it very obvious they wanted their own beds. The first at 3, the second before 18 months. They got to the point of being fidgety and grumpy when in our bed, often kicking away to get their own space, and seeming irritated to be with us. We made a point to get them beds, letting them pick bedding, and praising attention around the bed. There ...


2

I'm guessing your son will do very well right off the bat. I'll start this by saying a lot of times - especially with the outgoing personalities, the parents are way more freaked about changes like this than the kids are. If you don't treat like a big deal (but also don't surprise him with it - go ahead and talk to him about it) he probably won't think it ...


2

The only thing I want to add here (and I would have made it a comment, but I really want to draw more attention to it's importance) relates to this, which you have stated you are doing: talk openly about changes to house and routine and how it's a hard transition. let her know she can feel sad, mad, scared and she is always safe with mom or dad and we ...


2

This site should be about parenting, not about transgender issues, so I'll leave that outside. Your child is either a transgender boy, or a stroppy teenager who loves upsetting her mom and seems to be pretty good at it. You don't know which one, and neither does anyone here. You just need to get through this, in a way that is good for your child and doesn't ...


2

Although some people might indeed be "trapped into the wrong body" I also think the obsessive attention about this topic nowadays just talks (young) people into problems they don't actually have. However I don't think the right reaction about this is to freak out about it or limit her internet access. Instead I would do the following. Allow her ...


2

I think if there's one thing that everyone on all sides of the transgender debate agree on, it's that surgery is a big and an irreversible step, and therefore shouldn't be rushed into. Similar to you, I have a child who identifies as trans. Because of that, I did a lot of my own research. I learned that a) there are many trans people who do not elect to ever ...


1

There has been a rapid uptick in the number of teen girls who come out as trans. These girls most often have a high social media usage, have some form of autism or other mental health issue and often are not the only ones to come out whithin their social circle. It is very probable that your daughter is just going through a fad. I sujest that you read "...


1

My wife and I are fighting this fight right now, because our exclusively-breastfed-until-now 2-month-old daughter is struggling to gain weight. The standard advice is to try different nipples, different formulas, and have Mom be out of the room or even out of the house. Clearly that works for some people, but it has not worked for us. What is slowly ...


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