Hot answers tagged

41

Our daughter intellectually understands our reasoning and accepted our decision without fuss. But of course she was disappointed and sad on the evening of the party. This is a good outcome and probably the best you can hope for. It's perfectly okay and normal to be sad & disappointed, I would be too. How can we help our children deal with situations ...


35

There are a lot of different things that might help, depending on the child, but ultimately what has to change is the child's choice to pay attention to details. I had pretty poor handwriting as a child, while otherwise being academically gifted, and my parents tried several different approaches - having me write lines and learning calligraphy being the two ...


21

If he's writing ‘joined-up’ (cursive), has he considered switching back to printing (writing each letter separately)? Printing has a reputation for being much slower and looking ‘childish’, but in my experience the speed difference is minimal once you're practised, and its not only clearer but also degrades much better at speed. My handwriting was always ...


20

You can have a family while being in a same sex relationship. I have a lesbian couple living on my street with 2 sons (thanks to a sperm donor) and a good friend of mine is lesbian and is in a wonderful relationship. And yes, it COULD be a phase. It's not uncommon for girls around their age to be attracted to other girls and grow out of it. But this could ...


15

Some people have physical or neurological issues that make handwriting difficult, including hyper-mobile joints and dyspraxia. Telling these people that they just need to slow down and taking more care isn't really helpful. Yes, they can write better if they slow down, but this simply shifts the disadvantage from unreadable writing to needing more time, and ...


14

(Good) rules exist because there's something that's tempting to do but can cause bad things to happen. Frequently these bad things are not guaranteed and perhaps not even likely to happen, which can make breaking the rule tempting. No rules are inherently rewarding all the time when you follow them or punishing all the time when you break them, or the rule ...


14

Leaving aside the moral issues (as hopefully you are aware of those), and leaving aside whether you should intervene (a very good question itself), in their mind, this is something between the other parents and their son, so why are they involving you? If they want their son not to go, that’s their call, but they should not abstain responsibility for that ...


12

It's normal to be hetero, gay, lesbian, bi, pan, whatever. People are different, and you cannot chose. People are who they are. You seem to have problems accepting this. I recommend you first work on yourself to open up to the world as it is. Your might read autobiographical books or blogs or watch movies by LGBT authors. There are TED Talks by LGBT about ...


8

I wouldn't stress over whether or not this is a phase. You should be able to be supportive of your children regardless of whether their preferences may or may not change over time. What her life is going to be like is largely culturally dependent, there are definitely parts of the world where coming out as LBTQ is associated with more immediate risks than in ...


7

The required expertise to help your daughter is beyond the scope of online contributors. If the psychiatrists and therapists you currently have treating your daughter do not appear to beneficial, then obtain services from different healthcare providers. However, under the law, she will be an "adult" when she turns the arbitrary age of 18. This CAN ...


6

First, I want to confirm that how your parents are treating you is not ok. The answer by dxh is excellent at making clear why. I don't think you can convince your parents. The actual answer to how do I convince my parents to be less strict would be to have an actual conversation where both sides are heard, where your parents voice their concerns about risks ...


6

Bracing for the downvotes, so here goes: Successful games of any sort (video or otherwise) are either explicitly or effectively engineered to produce addictive behavior, and you are being manipulated by game designers into this behavior for their financial benefit. When I was younger, I resented this manipulation outright. Now that I'm older, I realize this ...


6

It sounds to me like your son is discovering that he is a geek. Speaking as one myself, I'd view this as a positive thing. What follows is a very broad generalisation of the geek personality. But if you've met one geek, you've met one geek. We're all different. Geeks tend to develop strong but narrow interests, often technical or scientific in nature. ...


5

This is an important question. I cannot give a complete answer, but I will try to give a partial one. I will try to edit and add to this post whenever I have new input - even though this might be years from now. Math Doing the math is one of the easiest techniques of fact-checking of any number-based claim. You rarely have exact numbers, but doing a Fermi-...


5

I promise you, your daughter already knows how you feel. You are probably antagonistic towards the lgbt community in the comments and attitudes you present in every day life. She isn’t telling you because she already knows your reaction will be awful. You need to see a therapist.


5

I have absolutely grotty handwriting. It hasn't gotten any better since I was a kid, and it probably never will get better. I can tell you why my handwriting is so lousy, and maybe that will give you some insight into why your son has bad handwriting. First and foremost is that writing is too slow. I cannot write as fast as my thoughts run. By the time I'...


5

Please tell us what country (and state if appropriate) that you live in. Different countries and states have different systems and rules. Many countries have helplines for people in your situation (e.g. ChildLine in the UK) who offer support and advice. If you tell us where you are we can point you in the right direction. The police are probably not the best ...


4

I like to use the UN Conventions on the Rights of the Child as a baseline. I know there are mixed feelings about that. It's not ratified into law in the US, if that's where you're from, and its primary focus is how states act with respect to children, rather than how parents act. Even so, ratified or not, they are almost universally recognized as basic human ...


4

You need to develop a support system First of all, I want to start off with the standard stuff about the perils of suicidal ideation and to encourage you to seek out help, even if that help is calling 911 if you think you're going to willingly hurt yourself. I won't promise that doing this is going to result in something that's not a massive mess, but I will ...


4

What should I do As little as possible. Since they are best friends, I assume there isn't a large age gap. So I think that whatever they were doing happened because both agreed to it, and was legal where you live. IMO, that's the most important thing to establish. If you have any doubt about this, you should intervene. TL;DR: The important stuff The ...


4

Born in 2004 would make you 16 or 17. Its a difficult age to be. Part of growing up is growing away from your parents, and figuring out who you are and what kind of an adult you are going to be. But at the same time you can't just ignore your parents because what they are saying is going to be right, or at least good advice, pretty much of the time. Its at ...


4

Xavier - you're learning a hard lesson through this, but you are not alone. We all have made mistakes that have painful consequences that we wish would just go away. What I'm about to say comes from my own experience and lessons learned. You need to understand two things: Your choices that got you to this place did not take into account how others would ...


3

I personally know people who have switched genders, and going trans is certainly not out of the ordinary. Its also possible that when he made like he couldn't hear you that something was distracting his attention, such as activity from someone else...or it could have been a connection problem Its hard to say without reading the nuances of the situation, but ...


3

The existing answers covered a lot and I agree with all of them. To complement, a few other points: Is any of this COVID related? 1 year ago, did your parents let you have sleepovers and go snowboarding, etc? Maybe they are just being very protective now because they are being very cautious about getting coronavirus. Maybe your friend's parents are being ...


3

I occasionally resort to comparisons to the workplace, to help parents reflect on how they're seen through the child's eyes. Many adults have a boss who is an authority over them, and that is in some regards the closest thing to a parent that they can relate to. Bosses, like parents over children, to some extent decide over employees. When we're yelling, or ...


3

What would our family say? You have a teenager. Your family, your friends, as well as yourself, will say a lot of uneasy things in the years to come. That's just an element of parenting. Every time, you will have to choose a side: your kid's wishes, what's best for them (not a trivial question itself), your own wishes or your own mental comfort (two ...


3

What you consider appropriate will be a personal decision, but Common Sense Media reviews for the movie based on the musical consider it appropriate for 14+ (by the website itself) or 10+/11+ (by parents/kids). They specifically mention low to moderate levels of violence, bad language, sex, and drinking/drug use/smoking. They also mention it's quite long. ...


3

You are not immature. What you posted was a very serious case of sexual harassment. If it was my daughter, I’d hand everything to the police. Other parents would look for extrajudicial punishment. There’s really no way you can apologise for this. PS. If anyone tells you you were not wrong break up any contact with them immediately. You were wrong. The kind ...


3

It's hard to say what's changed, but one thing you should recognize is that your son is (effectively) an adult. Just like any adult, relationships will ebb and flow, and they have to be allowed to change over time. It's entirely normal for children when they're right about at that point where they're adults, but aren't actually adults, to push away from ...


3

In addition to Joe's good answer, I would say that passing this request on to your son is going to send a very clear message to him about your priorities. You probably don't want to do that. I suggest you go back to the friend's parents and say that you've thought it over, and realised that if you asked such a thing of your son he would not only reject the ...


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