130
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
You are clearly very loving and supportive of your step-child. This is a great gift you are giving to her.
However, it doesn't sound like you have that kind of a relationship with your girlfriend. ...
- 68.2k
65
votes
Accepted
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
How do I best protect Emily ... from the bullying she's experiencing from [her mother]?
You are in a tricky situation. It's very likely that you will lose your girlfriend and Emily over this issue ...
- 6,563
56
votes
My husband, who is my teen daughter's step father feels bad that he can't have a closer relationship with my daughter
Kids love their parents. This is true the vast majority of the time, even when the parent is abusive and manipulative to an extraordinary degree. Therefore it is extremely difficult to form a close ...
- 3,213
45
votes
Accepted
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
You've chosen to become an instant parent to an older child, and this is wonderful, for both of you.
Just to be clear, recovery is by definition the process of dredging up the past to deal with it. ...
- 2,902
43
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
This is a fantastic question. You are wonderful for your level of consideration given a perplexing situation here.
The Problem: I used to be Emily. It's over 25 years later, and this thing just ...
- 447
37
votes
My husband, who is my teen daughter's step father feels bad that he can't have a closer relationship with my daughter
I have some experience in this area. About 10 years ago I married my wife, whose children were teenagers at the time. A lot of the tension from her divorce was dissolved rather quickly, and there is a ...
- 470
34
votes
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
so I decided to just work through it with him
Children are not miniature adults. Their brains literally do not work the same way. They're no more capable of reasoning in the same way as an adult ...
- 3,005
33
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
Warning
harsh answer, not because I don't support transgender people, but because of your position in the family and how you act in this situation
step-daughter ... my girlfriend
I assume you mean ...
- 363
16
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
Most of what you should be doing is talking the mother down. Help her realize that while this is a shock and unexpected, it's far from the worst-case a parent can go through (her child is healthy and ...
- 1,008
15
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
Sometimes this site can be very liberal. It makes me afraid to post an answer like this, but here we go anyway.
You have two serious problems. None of which are your step-son/daughter. The first is ...
- 2,552
15
votes
My son calls my father in law Grandpa "nonno" (in italian) and his wife (step grandma) is telling my son to call him just Grandpa now not nonno
I think you should tell your son to call his grandpa whatever he is comfortable calling his grandpa unless his grandpa asks him to call him something else. You're not overreacting and I think you are ...
- 13.4k
15
votes
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
After some calm discussion, he admitted that he preferred to lie to
tell us what he thought we wanted to hear (I'm a good boy, I've done
all my jobs, I've made an effort like you asked) so that we ...
- 251
13
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
A simple answer for "bullies outside the house" which applies for all bullied children: get them to a martial arts class. Personally I'd favour jiu jitsu, but pretty much anything will do the trick.
...
- 3,005
13
votes
Should I babysit my step granddaughter?
If it were me -- (and there are only going to be opinions, no 'answer'), I would take the opportunity to be positive and loving. Show this baby who you really are and teach her to appreciate her ...
- 17.5k
13
votes
My husband, who is my teen daughter's step father feels bad that he can't have a closer relationship with my daughter
Perhaps he is trying too hard? What does he mean by “getting close”? It is normal at her age to be a bit off from the man of the house. I don’t know her age but I would guess she’s a teenager.
The ...
- 280
13
votes
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
Not a psychologist, but I have noticed with my FIL (who I think it's fair to say could be verbally abusive with his kids, wife, grandkids, and occasionally even me.) that a typical MO would be to ...
- 2,850
12
votes
7yo step-son runs away when he thinks he's in trouble
It's fairly simple why he does it: kids don't like getting into trouble, and his avoidance method works because it delays his consequence and there is no additional consequence for running away. ...
- 36k
12
votes
Accepted
How to explain the "fun parent" phenomenon to a 5-year-old?
There's no point discussing "good parenting" with a child. Actually there's no point discussing it at all with anybody.
There will be (are) a lot of occasions in which your child will be exposed to ...
- 2,225
12
votes
Should I be expected to love my new step-granddaughter instantly?
You are not expected to love your new graddaughter the same as your first one. But you are expected to love her for what she is:
a beautiful loving child (your own words).
That means she is an ...
- 18.1k
11
votes
How and when should I tell my son that his amazing father isn't his biological father?
My situation was very similar to yours. My husband and I filed natural paternity since neither of the boys legally had a father at birth, and the courts gave them his last name and amended their SSN's ...
- 111
11
votes
How do I tell my 9-year-old son that my now ex husband is not his biological dad?
This is a tough situation and a tough question. You have a lot to think about. The question I, in return, pose to you is what do you have to gain by either telling him or not telling him? When you ...
- 13.4k
10
votes
Should I be expected to love my new step-granddaughter instantly?
They live in another state and do not come to see me.
While your son and his daughter have had time to bond with your new granddaughter, you have not. Of course your granddaughter is much (more) ...
- 68.2k
10
votes
What is the appropriate age to tell my daughter that her biological father doesn't want to be a part of her life?
I think it was wrong on your part to convince your daughter that her biological father loves her but is unable to visit. Even if you had to tell her a lie, it would have been better to say that you ...
- 1,442
10
votes
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
It is, even for adults, often very difficult to figure out why a certain thing was done - especially related to talking, which by its nature is something that happens quickly, usually without much ...
- 2,550
10
votes
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
I don't know if my step-son hates me, is scared of me, or likes me?
He probably doesn't know himself yet.
Before your step-son can bond with you, he needs to trust you. And building a trust ...
- 1,067
9
votes
Names or Phrases to Use for Step-Mom?
I agree, it's noone's business. "No, this is Ema" is a perfectly reasonable answer.
Or, she can say,
No, this is my dad's girlfriend, Ema.
No, my mom is in Cinncinatti. This is Ema.
No, this is not ...
- 68.2k
9
votes
what do i do if he says i'm harder on her because she isn't my biological daughter
Your boyfriend's comment is a red flag.
Your daughter does not need to be stronger.
Your daughter is completely dependent on you for her health and wellbeing.
No man should be allowed to threaten your ...
- 2,902
8
votes
My girlfriend has mentioned disowning her 14 y/o transgender daughter
Whatever else you may do, find a good trans-friendly therapist for your daughter to help her acquire tools to cope with the stressors in her life, being mindful that all therapy is family therapy and ...
Only top scored, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible