234

Sit them down for a big, honest conversation. Don't make it about what you want, though. Make it about what they want, and especially ask them, honestly, how they think what they are doing right now is preparing you for your adult life. Ask them how they think you'll be able to handle the adult life when you head out to college with zero prep. Ask them what ...


130

I'm from the UK too. Call the parents and check the message was actually sent by them, it seems rather stupid that they would volunteer that information for no reason. I have had my Facebook hacked around four times usually by friends but once by a complete idiot who messaged all my family and friends some mean stuff. If she has admitted it and you know it ...


125

Ok, deleting wouldn't do anything. Keeping her activities in secret, is a clear sign to me, that she thinks that you will just be unreasonably forbidding her to do anything in that direction. If you now do that, you just prove her right as well as increasing the distance between you two at least in this aspect. Also you won't stop her from recreating ...


67

OK, this may take some time but it could get you a bit of freedom. Tell your parents that you want to get a job when you turn 16. Use several excuses like, "I want to save up for college," "To get a job in college it will help if I have some experience," "When I'm at college I'll be pretty far away, I'll need some savings to come back home during vacations,...


48

Just find a way to block the internet in the wee hours in the morning. The taking to strangers, sharing personal info etc. is not so egregious and at 15 especially your daughter is not at risk. As long as you communicate with her consistently and let her know she is safe to tell you anything, you should be able to trust that she'll let you know if any ...


47

I really don't know what to do anymore, I just don't think that I can live like this any longer. First of all, I want to assure you that you most certainly can live like this, even though it might not be easy. While staying in touch with limited (or no) access to social media is more difficult than it once was, it doesn't make having friends impossible. (As ...


39

This is a very subjective question; a lot depends on your daughter's understanding of the world and her ability to police herself. This will most likely be an unpopular answer, but I'm going to give it anyway. I'll address all your points. First, the language. You admit you did it as a teen. The language is much fouler now, so hold her to the same standards ...


38

I am you 25 years ago. There was no social media at the time, but I recognized myself in that I was not allowed to be with my friends without supervision, no dating until marriage (I always wondered how I was going to get a husband without boyfriends, but this logic was lost in my family) and having to turn off the lights before 10pm. There were many other ...


33

Give it time; time helps a lot. It's only been a few days, and this is quite a shock, especially to your daughter who probably worried for her friend's health/life. She's experienced a profound betrayal. It will be deeply disturbing for a while, but the intensity will fade with time. Whatever else this is, it's also an opportunity to talk to your daughter ...


23

Angela got message from her friend via Facebook with "Ha, Ha, I've scammed you." Who guarantees to you that the message is true and the cancer was all made up? Calm down. What do (did) you think about them? What do (did) Angela think about them? Who will profit from such message? If the cancer was faked; why confess when there is no doubt against you? If ...


22

No, deleting won't do much good. You won't have control over her for much longer. So punishing her / taking away her social accounts seems like a bad plan here. Etaila's answer makes some good points. I'd like to expand a bit on something she hasn't touched on. I wonder why your fifteen-year-old feels the need to secretly create these accounts and then use ...


17

An important point that has not gotten much attention is how significantly you have violated your daughter's privacy. 20 years ago parents did not easily have the ability to read through transcripts of a large portion of their children's social interactions, and certainly not through convenient, still-considered-socially-acceptable means. The worst readily-...


15

I can completely understand the discomfort with what she's been doing and the desire to just shut down what's she's already done - pull the plug, wipe out the current risk, regroup, try again later. I think you might be able to use this as an opportunity to prepare her for life on her own by transferring your wisdom and experience, however, so I suggest you ...


14

Unless you restrict her access to objects that can reach the internet, you are fighting a losing battle. At this point of our technological development, keeping her from creating a second account without 24h surveillance is about as possible as keeping her from buying magazines you might be opposed to. So, what can you do instead? Keep educating her. Few ...


14

She can leave in less than a year. You can remove her internet access for less than a year, and potentially she will be "safe" for that remainder of the year, and then what? She can't only "start again next year" with your permission and supervision, she can leave. She can throw herself into genuinely dangerous situations to help her get some independence ...


13

It sounds like you're an only child, and your parents are very concerned for your welfare. There are negligent parents out there, who don't give a sh*t about their children and think only of themselves. Things could be worse... But your parents sound as if they were brought up in the Victorian era. Maybe that's the way they were brought up. Ask them. Find ...


13

She did nothing wrong She behaves exactly like a normal 15 year old behaves nowadays. This is the social norm among her peers; and you can't (and shouldn't!) do anything to change it. After all, you do want her to be well integrated in society, right? You do want her to have friends and a healthy social life right? Then you have to accept the cultural norms ...


11

My suggestion: first thing is to find a crisis support center for teens. If you're fortunate to have one in walking distance, go there. Otherwise, find one by phone. You need to find a supportive voice before your mental state gets any worse. Fixing the home situation comes after that. If your high school guidance counselor is of any use (and I ...


10

Assuming everything you've been told is true, it's an example of a "cancer fraud" scam. It's a crime and it's more common than most people realise. Like all alleged crimes, it's the job of the police to establish if it's true. They can do things you can't, like check actual hospital records. If it turns out it was a malicious prank (maybe someone hacked ...


10

I personally am not a parent, however, as the fun computer tech uncle it will most likely fall to me to both teach & protect my niece and nephew from the internet. First things first ... its best to just accept the fact that when it comes to technology, the kid you are talking to most likely knows more than you do. By this I mean two things: They most ...


9

Issue #1 - foul language Nobody speaks like that at home. Adults don't swear around children (but will often swear around their friends) and children don't swear around adults (but do around their friends). You can't avoid it. This isn't an issue unless it can be publicly traced back to her. (More on this in Issue #2). Issue #2 - failure to protect ...


8

If it is against the rules on Facebook and your child is asking you as a parent to lie or cheat for her, the answer has to be no. You are the bar. The up side is she is still asking you.


8

All the answers and comments have addressed almost every possible angle, so I wanted to focus on this: Now our daughter is devastated, and isn't trusting of new people, she doesn't even want to go out to events with us, even though we've got a holiday to Spain booked in the next few weeks. Normally she looks forward to holidays... now she's dreading it. She ...


8

She is a teenager and will, probably keep creating multiple accounts or do anything to lose that feeling of oversight. it is exactly this feeling, puberty tries to fight. it wants autonomy and self-control. I agree with @Layna. My suggestion would be to stop the oversight and turn it 180 around: tell her that you want to know what is going on but it's her ...


7

Infants and toddlers don't yet have the information to understand normal, basic, face to face social interactions. They cannot understand the point of social media, publishing, and broadcasting. Lay the basics first, then layer on the advanced stuff.


7

For most things you mentioned, there's one approach that might work, but it's risky, so think through the consequences before you do it: What you can do is blame your parents when talking to your friends and teachers. And then explicitly tell your parents that you're blaming them for everything your friends want you to do that you can't. Chances are they'...


7

Create one with her She is 11 and close to puberty, if puberty starts to kick in you will loose most of your control over her and she will start to follow her own head. if you wait till then you are dooming her to make all the mistakes by herself, like uploading things she shouldn't or post private data. If you do it now, you can teach her how to behave ...


7

Preface: I am not a parent. I am closer to being on the kid end of this than a parent of a 15 year old. However, there are several points which have been brought up by other answers which I believe are connected and should be discussed together. Several answers have brought up the issue of trust and privacy. Specifically, they bring up the concern that your ...


6

Facebook specifically states that a user must be 13 years of age in order to create an account. Even though your daughters' friends are all on facebook and somehow have accounts (i'm assuming are also less than 13 years of age), you have to teach your daughter that it's important to follow the rules. It's important to teach her that these rules are in ...


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