55

From your description, it does not sound like your son has an irrational fear of strangers. He may simply hate being picked up by them, and have learned that this is a plausible outcome of strangers approaching too closely. If this is the case, then it seems to be that its the people who pick him up without consent need to change, not him. There are few ...


53

Of all your suggestions, only one really says “it’s not ok to kick the dinosaurs”. The other are sending a different message, which can be summed up as Don’t do it when [some else with more power] sees it, because there may be undesirable consequences. The logical next step for some clever kids is to do exactly what you don’t want them to do the moment ...


41

Our daughter intellectually understands our reasoning and accepted our decision without fuss. But of course she was disappointed and sad on the evening of the party. This is a good outcome and probably the best you can hope for. It's perfectly okay and normal to be sad & disappointed, I would be too. How can we help our children deal with situations ...


27

Something that hasn't been addressed is why the child is kicking the dinosaur. They are bored with the park or this exhibit ("Hey, don't damage the exhibits. If you're bored let's go and see the XYZ.") They are imagining fighting a dinosaur (Acknowledge the story. Compliment their bravery etc. Engage the imagination by talking about fighting a ...


22

When a child does something that makes another child feel bad, whether violence or just selfish behavior (which is basically what you're describing), my go-to at any age is to show the child how the other child feels. Ask her to look at the other child's face, which is presumably sad, and point out why. This does two things. It helps to emphasize the ...


21

Just to add to what other posters have said, this can be a good time to give a child a lesson in empathy as well. Something like "Well, that dinosaur belongs to someone. Would you like it if someone kicked your <favourite toy, games console, etc>?". They would most likely say no, so then the obvious next question is "Why not?"


18

Quietly and politely, tell the child to please not kick the dino and give the best possible (age-appropriate) reason. Something like "Please don't kick the dino. The dinos in the park are not for kicking. If other kids start kicking them, the dinos will fall apart and then next time we come to the park, there will be nothing to play with." ...


15

This feels like very normal behaviour for an only child of 17 months; and the paediatrician is right that socialisation will solve most of the issues. That said, you're the parents, so while it's the school's job to handle this when the child is in their care, it's your job by default. To be honest, all you're seeing here is the standard impulse control ...


14

(Good) rules exist because there's something that's tempting to do but can cause bad things to happen. Frequently these bad things are not guaranteed and perhaps not even likely to happen, which can make breaking the rule tempting. No rules are inherently rewarding all the time when you follow them or punishing all the time when you break them, or the rule ...


9

In America, this is referred to as "The Terrible Twos". You just got to start early, while some kids don't hit it until they're three or so. It's pretty normal behavior for kids that age. They don't understand the concept of sharing, fair play, or being nice. It's all about "What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, anything I see is mine, I ...


9

Why not simply tell him the true reason? "You shouldn't damage the thing because it isn't yours." Because it is the correct and logical answer, this one is more likely to work than the others and get the kid to learn something useful. Then you could explain using simple examples: "If you have a toy you don't like, maybe you want to break it or ...


9

I guess it is both. All children are scared of strangers - it is natural for their protection. They know a very few people from the birth - mother, father, maybe siblings. They know, that these people take care of him, feed him, love him, play with him. But he doesn't know what to wait from strangers. Even if he meets them from time to time (once a month for ...


9

It's both nature and nurture. Some babies are naturally more wary of strangers. Two of my kids were polar opposites on that scale. Exact same nurturing, very different nature. People whose own children are more similar to each other sometimes overestimate the effect of nurturing, but the effect is still there. A baby who is naturally more scared of strangers,...


7

Infantilization I suspect your brother is being infantilized, and his "bad behavior" is (at least in some cases) a normal reaction to how he is being treated. You referred to a 20 year old as a "kid". This may be a translation error (e.g. from "kid brother" meaning younger brother), but it might be revealing that your brother is ...


6

Where I come from people do not pick up kids*, or anybody at all, without asking. It is a horrible, menacing feeling. In fact, I am a small adult and when I was young it has happened that men would actually pick me up if I refused to dance. This is why I learned self-defence; it did not end well for them. If you want to pick up a tiny kid, you stretch out ...


6

Here are some pros and cons that I can think of: "The watchmen will reprimand you if he sees you" Pros: Communicating that social rules are enforced Teaching that actions may have consequences Convenient as you as a parent are not saying no Cons: Not communicating your own position on the matter (which means that the main message - that ...


5

Spend more time together with grandfather, with your child and at least one of the parents present. Let the grandparent hold and play with something of interest to the child. It can be a new toy, or a favorite old toy. Or it can even be a household object fascinating to an infant: flashlights (blinking ones are the best), rattling keys on a keychain, velcro ...


3

Karl answer is good. My daughter for one also was scared from everyone. Even people staring at her made her cry. Honestly we didn't do anything. Just asked people not to approach or pay attention to her in any way. After awhile she gets used with the person and interacts normally. "Awhile" I mean even half an hour or less. I have also seen grown-up ...


3

Have you thought about why you don't want your kid to vandalize things? No "authoritative" answer will be as convincing as your very own and authentic feelings and thoughts on the matter. Even "I don't want you to break it, because I like how it looks" will work better than any fake answer parroted from the internet. Kids have great BS ...


3

A kid (even younger) should know the basics of how to bluff in some sort of table-game. And it should do "I pretend to be a policeman/mother/lion who does xyz" in a game. Or doing magic tricks with a straight face. All of that helps with being aware of their own mimic and gesture, and it helps being more aware of simple inter-human "tactics&...


2

From your edit, it sounds like you're getting plenty of chances for engagement with him. At 6 mo, he's still neck-deep in parallel play mode, and autonomous exploration has benefits too. Cuddle time/holding is a good time to point out colors and describe things, so if he's not paying much attention during playtime, try it out then. You may find that as his ...


2

You can re-frame this as a question of cooperation. If you hold the door for someone who is carrying something heavy then it is extra work for you and a benefit to them. Society is about mutual cooperation. If you hold the door for someone today, then tomorrow you might be carrying something heavy and someone might hold the door for you. The benefit of ...


2

Dealing with this kind of thing starts at home. What do you say/do when he kicks something at home? In my home there is an emphasis on looking after our possessions. "Don't throw that, you'll break it, and then you can't play with it anymore. We look after our possessions." Emphasis on looking after our own things, because they are valuable and we ...


2

At that age, I wouldn't be too concerned, if this is an isolated issue. Apologizing is a complex concept. It involves recognition of a wrong, a show of remorse, an acceptance of guilt, and preferably, an intention to avoid the same mistake in the future. A lot of adults don't get apologies right (e.g. the classic "I'm sorry you find that offensive")...


2

Something that really helped me when I remember being anxious, scared, and shy towards strangers as a kid was when an adult could hold their place emotionally. It's more difficult if a child is crying, but if you can focus on the moment and approach the "stranger" in a friendly matter, and they do the same, it can help with their fear. Kids feel ...


1

I have been counseling parents for more than five years now and this is a common issue that I come across. Kids learn as they grow, and learning comes from their surroundings. And parents' behavior has a big impact on kids' attitude. Be careful with what you guys talk about around your kid, speak about the importance of having people around, and show your ...


1

Actually both (2) and (3) are almost as bad as (1) because they only can be applied if someone knows what they did wrong. The question you need to ask yourself is not "How do I correct behaviour X?" but rather "Why is behaviour X wrong?" and "Why should anyone share my judgement of right and wrong regarding X?". And there is ...


1

So yea there are some fairy tale answers here. I think they are thinking about this too deeply. 1st - it is a MAJOR issue if you kid wants to damage/vandalize random things. There is something wrong with him/her. Whether this is being upset about something, an issue that is not being dealt with or unstable discipline... the kid is lashing out. Let's ...


1

First and foremost, we model very carefully and very visibly the behaviors with our children. We talk about the things we are missing that we really miss - I can't go to gymnastics, my wife can't go to the movies, we can't take a trip to go skiing; we talk about that frequently with the children, because it helps them normalize their feelings and puts them ...


1

Human beings are generally habit beings. We learn habits and then use them in auto pilot. Here our goal becomes learning the habits which will not cause us to crash later. When evaluated in only one scenario, breaking the rules can seem rewarding however we are subconsciously training our minds that breaking the rules is rewarding. When we evaluate based on ...


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