116
I think it's time to let go of those reins and I honestly think you'll get a very good reaction. I'd even go as far as to say don't restrict her bedtime at all. Granted, rules should be in place like:
No friends over after a certain time
A quiet time after a certain time so as to not disturb others who may be sleeping
Maintain a curfew for her to be home by ...
59
Your daughter is exhibiting self-soothing behavior, usually more pronounced when the child is tired or falling asleep. From the AAP's healthychildren.org page on common childhood habits:
Their repetitive nature suggests that they serve a soothing or calming process for the brain. Interestingly, even in adulthood many people cling to some of these self-...
52
L is now so habituated to weeing at this time of night that she
basically doesn't wake up at all during the process. When we talk to
her about it, she denies any knowledge of it happening at all...
So first step, stop carrying her. Wake her, as gently as you can, and make her walk herself to the bathroom. I would pick a weekend to start this process, as ...
48
According to NICHD: No.
Myth: Babies who sleep on their backs will choke if they spit up or
vomit during sleep.
Fact: Babies automatically cough up or swallow fluid that they spit up
or vomit—it’s a reflex to keep the airway clear. Studies show no
increase in the number of deaths from choking among babies who sleep
on their backs. In fact, ...
44
Children have all kinds of reasons for feeling more comfortable in the presence of their parents at night. I can respect that. But you need your sleep and your time with your wife.
One option people rarely mention is putting the kid to bed in their parents' room. After months of struggling with our (2.5 year old) second child, I bought a thick foam rubber ...
41
I was a foster parent for a year. I met parents who were unequivocally abusive. One thing I took from that experience is that the term "abusive" is applied way too frequently to normal parents who at worst are making honest mistakes and at best just have a different parenting style. It dilutes the impact of the word, and in my opinion dishonors truly ...
41
It sounds like there are a couple things going on here, from your answers to the comments.
You think that due to social norms, she should fit in and go to bed when society deems acceptable.
You'd like to spend time with your daughter while you're both awake, and would like to maximize that time.
Item #1 is a dead end. No teen in the world will ever care ...
40
It's not generally ideal to schedule night feedings (unless under a doctor's recommendation). You may want to wake your baby if they go lo longer than 5 hours asleep between feedings during the immediate newborn period, but other than those cases, do wait until your baby signals to be fed overnight.
Your nighttime feedings with most likely go one of two ...
38
The main thing is that your daughter is getting sufficient total sleep (not time in bed, but time asleep, and restorative deep sleep, not fitful sleep). Not getting enough sleep has been considered an epidemic in the U.S. by sleep researcher William Dement, and sufficient sleep is particularly important to brains that are growing and learning so much each ...
38
Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule is important for your health. It's important for your overall health and for the health and quality of your sleep in the long-term.
Outside of the "my house, my rules" (which, in my opinion, is an important factor but not something to be lorded over them), studies at length have been conducted for the benefits of ...
27
Your brain tells you when to go to sleep by producing melatonin. Melatonin is what makes you feel tired, and prepares you for sleep.
The brain hormone melatonin is produced later at night for teens than it is for kids and adults. This can make it harder for teens to fall asleep early. – TeensHealth How Much Sleep Do I Need?
This has been noted by many, ...
27
I think CF13's answer is spot on. I just want to add a little bit of information to support/expand on it.
I assume by "choke", you mean a significant event, like death or aspiration pneumonia, not merely coughing or gagging. The latter are actually ways to clear the throat (kind of the opposite of choking.)
Without going into too much detail, there are ...
27
I don't really agree with Ferber, but I think there are parts of the approach that can be adapted without as much of the "make your baby cry, and usually the parent also" portion. It's probably impossible to do it with zero crying, but that's mostly because you're ultimately trying to do something the baby doesn't like - so of course there will be ...
26
I'm not going to address the wider question, but you are not going to notice if your baby stops breathing unless you are actively watching their chest move, and possibly not even then. Here is one harrowing account from a father who's son died in his lap while he did email.
Staring at your baby's chest for hours on end is unlikely to work either: studies ...
23
I'm reading a book right now called "Why we Sleep". (I strongly advise everyone to read it too.)
It has a whole section on the sleep changes we go through from infancy to old-age.
One thing it very clearly states is that as children move from childhood into their teenage years is that their circadian rhythm SHIFTS. It moves from them "crashing" at 7pm or 8pm ...
20
According to the US. Department of Health & Human Services brochure on sleep positioning for infants:
Studies show that, during early infancy, it is unusual for a baby who is placed in the back sleep position to roll onto his or her stomach.20 However, once infants are more developmentally advanced, they often roll over on their own. In this situation,...
20
I'd say that's entirely normal at that age, and not a lot you can do about it (short of getting him his own space). Any time our 3 year old comes into our bed (after a nightmare or just having trouble sleeping), this is what we expect. In his own bed he'd do roughly the same thing (except that nobody would be the victim).
What he's doing is a combination ...
19
To be perfectly honest I get a yellow flag here.
In my opinion, I think that 7pm is too early... but that's just my opinion. I mean, you're the one that knows your kid, not me. Right? Yeah.
But I certainly wouldn't call it abusive.
I would however call the teachers expression of 'concern for abuse' a full-on threat. I see that statement as "I don't agree ...
19
We recently crossed this bridge with our 5 year old. My wife and I miscommunicated who was taking her for a pee, neither of us did and there was no accident. After figuring out what happened the next day, we just rolled with it. After a few months with zero accidents, last week we took the pee pad off of her bed.
So "stop doing it and suck up the handful ...
19
As a rule, plans made for parenting strategy last until about 5 minutes after birth.
Don't worry. Your little tyke will let you know when it needs feeding, and your parental instincts will kick in. You will be awake within seconds of the smallest murmur. Feed and change, go back to sleep. You just get used to it. This phase doesn't last long, after all.
18
In my experience, teens have short-sighted priorities and acts mostly from what they desire now. So let's look at it from the teen's perspective: Why should your teen get up early?
It keeps her sleep schedule on target for school. But that's literally months away!
It's healthy for her growth. Urgh
Your house, your rules. Double urgh
From her viewpoint, ...
15
Is it too early to sleep train and keep her up more during the day?
In brief: Yes, it is far too early.
Parents and children have a circadian rhythm that is governed by hormones like cortisol, melatonin (especially), and others. That means basically that you sleep at night and awake in the morning. It's a fine tuned cycle, and it varies with individuals.
...
15
Your baby is used to being soothed to sleep by you. This is normal (and I believe healthy) in infants and young babies. At some point, however, it's important for babies to learn to self-soothe at bedtime (and nap time).
Nine months is a fine time to start the process.
Please give her soothing objects, e.g. silky-soft plush toys or a soft blanket during the ...
14
This is not as dangerous as you think. Make sure your child is sleeping on a relatively firm surface, without squishy bumpers on the sides, and the baby will be fine. But still, when you put your child to sleep, start with the the back.
Yes SIDS is a real danger, and there are indeed studies that show the risk increases when the baby sleeps on his stomach. ...
14
You're probably heavier, make a bigger dent in the mattress and he follows gravity towards you. That's my hypothesis.
13
When a newborn falls asleep, he or she falls first into a light sleep. If you wait 15-30 minutes (20 minutes is a good guess usually), your newborn will transition to deep sleep. A good test to see if your newborn is in a deep sleep is the floppy arm test. Pick up an arm and see how floppy it is when you gently let go. The arm of a newborn in light sleep is ...
13
It's usually best to go with the flow, rather than trying to be strategic to make what doesn't come natural when it comes to these things.
If I was in your shoes, I'd let him keep sleeping. If I was sick and you woke me up for no good reason, I wouldn't be particularly happy--would you?
I hope he feels better soon!
13
So this doesn't seem too unusual to me. Many babies prefer to be held, and some more than others.
A few suggestions:
Have you tried swaddling? The feeling of being wrapped mimics the feeling in the womb, and my babies would not sleep without being swaddled.
have you tried a swing? Some babies really like the gentle rocking motion (again, this mimics the ...
13
Something's scary up there. While typically the imaginary monster is under the bed, sometimes you can trick it by sleeping somewhere else. (If I were a scary monster and couldn't find the kid I was planning to eat, I'd look on the floor next to the bed... luckily, monsters are stupid and rarely read Parenting.SE.)
Generally I'd expect/hope that she'd ...
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