Hot answers tagged

160

I was 19 and ran off with a 27 year old woman from America. (I'm British and she is American). My mother disowned me and we didn't speak for a year. My relationship with my wife lasted 16 years and produced 3 lovely children. So I could never say 'it was a mistake'. But. I was reckless and foolish and as an adult 20 years later I can easily recognize this....


73

Wait until the toddler is asleep.


67

I don't know what to do, do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? Why not do both? It's natural to be concerned. You might also be concerned if he were 17, given that what you are afraid of (her getting hurt, pregnant, or growing up too quickly, or him being with her just for one reason)...


62

Overly sexual behavior for kids is abnormal and often a sign of sexual abuse. You must seek professional help, and based on its conclusions, you may have to involve the law.


51

You can no longer micromanage your son's activity You have probably noticed that your can't control your son's actions by force or persuasion anymore, if you ever could. He's old enough now to be self directed, which is scary. The only thing you can do is to give him a moral framework in which to live. Provide a credible moral framework Can you explain to ...


51

First of all, the "how should I handle this" depends a lot on what your own concerns are. Is your concern the "cousin" part? or the "two 14 year olds" part? If the latter, is it specific aspect (are they mature enough to consistently use birth control?) or just general age-readiness for sex as a concept? Once you sort out your concerns, the main and best ...


47

Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns. You are worried about your daughter missing opportunities (travelling, studies). I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was 28. We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still 19. That was 20 years ago, so I can ...


45

These things you list are a part of our lives, either because we use/do them or other people we know or see use/do. Discovering things through friends is rarely a good idea. That's how myths are spread, "you can't get pregnant the first time", "masturbation will make you impotent", ... "drugs are good". You should give your children the important ...


40

Your son is nearly sixteen, and that means he's clearly beyond the point where you can 'make' him do things - and it seems like you agree based on your question. So what that means, to me, is the important thing is to help him understand the consequences of his actions. Teenagers are of ten able to make good choices when they understand the full ...


35

Well, it came from somewhere. Someone, at some point, showed him those things in the best case or did such things to him in the worst case. Can't throw accusations around and it doesn't really matter now - the damage has been done, and must be fixed as soon as possible by professional help as suggested in this other answer. What I wanted to add is that in ...


35

Pedophilia is a sexual orientation. He is not a bad person just for having this orientation (any more than any other orientation), and that needs to be made clear to him. Not all pedophiles are child molesters and not all child molesters are pedophiles. Your candor, love, and support are going to be incredibly important to him, and his courage in facing this ...


35

The general rule of thumb for age appropriateness is half plus 7. The obligatory XKCD cartoon: 25 and 17 is slightly over. However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men. Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much. It could also be a lot worse. You also ...


33

I'm answering as someone who was involved in sex play as a child. I feel that my experience is particularly useful in this discussion because it was fully benign (or so it seemed) and consensual. Struggling with the memory was complicated beyond what I can easily explain here. To begin with, I had lots of sexual thoughts through the ages of 4 to 12 and ...


31

I'm tempted to answer "Yes.", but that would be totally misleading. So the long answer, because we need to examine the mechanisms that are at work in such cases: When we think abuse, we often imagine the mysterious stranger that snags little boys and girls and does unmentionable cruel things to them. And yes, these cases happen. But: The majority of ...


30

I think it depends more on the attitude of the parents and the child's disposition and age than on the actual witnessing (and maybe, how kinky things were when the viewing took place). I didn't find any online aricles with a scientific study on the matter or anything (how would you even go about a study like that really?) but I did find This article which ...


28

I deeply admire your son for facing his feelings and for seeking help. You must have a very close and special relationship if he can trust you with this. I strongly recommend that you all talk to a good psychatrist, preferably someone with experience in this field. If these feelings persist - and they may - he will need help developing coping strategies ...


27

While each child is unique, there are some commonly observed sexual behaviors typical for a 5 year old child (so called Normative Behavior) and some behavior that is of a concern (Symptomatic Behavior). The following wikipedia article describes some of these behaviors: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexuality#Normative_and_non-normative_behaviors The ...


24

If he is 12 then it is a PERFECT time to have the sex talks with him. When my boy was 4 he walked in on us in the middle of the night, should have still been asleep. He is now 12 and still remembers but he doesn't seem to be any more or less interested or disturbed about that subject matter than other kids his age. He talks about it as if it was mater of ...


24

There isn't much you can do to force a change in their relationship. You can establish curfews, household rules, and so on, but unless you plan to watch her every minute of every day, she'll find a way to break a rule that you put in place. While she is certainly not an adult yet, your daughter's old enough to make some decisions on her own. The best way ...


21

Who do you think will be more likely to provide answers in a way that you would want your children to learn about drugs and sex, you as the children's parents or their peers (whose parent's might also evade the subject)? I don't know about you, but I trust my judgment on and knowledge about these subjects more than those of other children. Of course, given ...


20

To add to Dave's excellent answer I also recommend trying to let go of any inhibitions you might have in regards to when and where you have sex. In my book the living room on a Saturday afternoon is a perfectly acceptable place & time to get jiggy with it. As long as the children are asleep of course. Oh, and you might want to lock the front door if you ...


19

I was raised in a house where nudity was never an issue and yes, there were a few times I saw my parents having sex. I do not think it was intentional or an "in your face" kind of a thing. it was more of a "I got home early", or woke up to get water and saw something I shouldn't have. As strange as this sounds, I don't see a problem with it. It wasn't ...


18

I agree with your concerns for the girl. There are some great suggestions in the other answers, so I'll limit myself mostly to consequences for the girl. Let's assume you can't stop them from having sex, which doesn't mean the discussion shouldn't take place; they can still be in a relationship with each other that doesn’t involve sex. Discussions with ...


15

It depends on the kid actually. Many kids will "play" even as toddlers and in elementary school and just experiment with the different sensations that happen in that area of the body. However, most kids hit puberty and start masturbating with an actual result sometime during the Middle-School years or between 11 and 15. Of course there are exceptions that ...


15

You need to bring some other adults into the equation. The first people I'd talk to is her parents. Yes, part of the problem might be that she doesn't have great parents but that's why you need to talk them, even more than if her parents are good. The second type of person to talk to is a trusted teacher, or maybe neighbor, who has dealt with both your son, ...


15

There's no universal answer to this question. It's going to vary heavily depending on all sorts of factors. I can merely offer my own POV. I'd start by considering that you can't rid the world of porn. If your child is looking for it, they will find it no matter. So I'd accept the fact that they will be looking at it. As such, I think--as with many ...


15

About 1 in 10 children discover masturbation before puberty. And the majority of those discover it in infancy or as toddlers. It is almost never a sign of abuse or sexual misconduct, and there is no research that suggests that this is unhealthy or that it leads to longterm mental or sexual damage of any sort. I know it seems counterintuitive, but it seems to ...


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