53
Of all your suggestions, only one really says “it’s not ok to kick the dinosaurs”. The other are sending a different message, which can be summed up as
Don’t do it when [some else with more power] sees it, because there may be undesirable consequences.
The logical next step for some clever kids is to do exactly what you don’t want them to do the moment ...
41
Our daughter intellectually understands our reasoning and accepted our decision without fuss. But of course she was disappointed and sad on the evening of the party.
This is a good outcome and probably the best you can hope for. It's perfectly okay and normal to be sad & disappointed, I would be too.
How can we help our children deal with situations ...
35
This parent is of the strong opinion that if the kid does not eat a proper amount for every meal, on a structured timetable the kid will fall behind (growth wise, intelligence wise, discipline wise).
Simply put, this parent is wrong. Pressuring children to eat is not only unnecessary, but actively harmful: studies have shown that it leads children to both ...
32
I've read that children often overhear the "not" part of a request --
Instead of saying "don't do X" they hear "do X".
Instead of telling what not to do, tell them what you want them to do.
Instead of saying "don't sing at the dinner table", say "dinner time is only for talking."
In your example, she seems to have an urge to sing - because she can't stop, ...
answered Jul 13 '15 at 9:32
Torben Gundtofte-Bruun
34k18 gold badges106 silver badges207 bronze badges
27
Something that hasn't been addressed is why the child is kicking the dinosaur.
They are bored with the park or this exhibit ("Hey, don't damage the exhibits. If you're bored let's go and see the XYZ.")
They are imagining fighting a dinosaur (Acknowledge the story. Compliment their bravery etc. Engage the imagination by talking about fighting a ...
21
Just to add to what other posters have said, this can be a good time to give a child a lesson in empathy as well. Something like "Well, that dinosaur belongs to someone. Would you like it if someone kicked your <favourite toy, games console, etc>?".
They would most likely say no, so then the obvious next question is "Why not?"
18
Quietly and politely, tell the child to please not kick the dino and give the best possible (age-appropriate) reason. Something like "Please don't kick the dino. The dinos in the park are not for kicking. If other kids start kicking them, the dinos will fall apart and then next time we come to the park, there will be nothing to play with."
...
17
What should I do?
Do not engage in a power struggle with your son. It's a lose-lose situation; it will cause him to resent you if you win, and it will cause untold damage for both him and you if he wins, because it will teach him something damaging. Power struggles aren't the way successful people achieve their goals in the real world unless the issue is ...
14
(Good) rules exist because there's something that's tempting to do but can cause bad things to happen. Frequently these bad things are not guaranteed and perhaps not even likely to happen, which can make breaking the rule tempting. No rules are inherently rewarding all the time when you follow them or punishing all the time when you break them, or the rule ...
13
First of all, you must check your country's laws. In Poland it's illegal to leave children without supervision when they're under 7 years old (there are several exceptions though).
You should allow your kids to go out alone as soon as possible, but not sooner than they're ready:) And if and only if you are ready for that. I think it is important for the ...
13
There is no reason not to speak to the neighbors, find out about their routine & figure something out that is reasonable & respects everyone involved. I have a neighbor whose teen is in a band & they like to do band practice in the garage that is set apart from their house, but very near to my home. I take no issue with them holding practice. ...
12
Your mother may think she's acting in loco parentis, so I'll answer this.
Are these rules a form of bullying? Or are they status quo and most parent's would enforce them given these circumstances?
They are certainly overbearing and ill-considered, but I'm not sure I would call it bullying. As to whether most parents would do this, you'd have to ask most ...
11
Children, but adults also, tend to accept request better if you motivate it. I know it can be hard sometimes, but that also forces you to think about WHY you're exactly asking that and eventually not even ask.
Please stop singing cause mommy is tired and would appreciate a little silence.
Please put your jacket cause it's raining outside and if you're wet ...
10
You're saying you want to change your mind and take the computer back, but I'm assuming from your open question (and from that it in general seems like a sensible thing to do) that you'll also be open to suggestions on how to help him find a more constructive use of his computer time more in line with what you had in mind when you bought it.
I find your son'...
9
Whether its to visit a friend who lives a few streets away, or going to the park by themselves, or going to the local shop, at what age do you allow your kids to go out by themselves?
My younger son is 12 and he knows how to ride the bus to a couple of places, but he doesn't know how to transfer to a second bus yet. He can walk to a friend's house. He can ...
9
This might sound like a total cliche, but have you tried to get him to participate in extracurricular activities? Our daughter, a bit younger than your son, has really started to show more confidence in herself since she started tae kwon do. It sounds like he could use the balance a different atmosphere and environment, not to mention a different set of ...
9
First, my recommendation would be the toy goes away. Just because it was paid for doesn't mean it isn't stealing; she stole from you instead of the store. Keeping the toy implies that the offense wasn't all THAT severe.
The problem with punishment here is that the time frame between the offense and the punishment might be kind of long for it to really ...
9
Why not simply tell him the true reason?
"You shouldn't damage the thing because it isn't yours."
Because it is the correct and logical answer, this one is more likely to work than the others and get the kid to learn something useful.
Then you could explain using simple examples: "If you have a toy you don't like, maybe you want to break it or ...
8
I'd say the basic premise is to always encourage progression.
Stage 1 is to ensure they can do the basics - can they dribble and pass a football or do they know how each chess piece can move? For example, my infant son can't control his direction of travel whilst dribbling a ball, so I ignore the boundaries of the pitch.
Stage 2 is for you to demonstrate ...
8
There are a couple of stumbling blocks you may be encountering, but first, I'd just like to say, many children have to be taught how to either reign in their over-developed sense of everyone bowing to their needs and whims, or they need to be taught how to speak up for themselves. When these two extremes are balanced, it can be referred to as self-advocacy. ...
8
I've found that even though I'm speaking the same language they know, they sometimes don't fully hear or understand, and even when they do they believe that if they change their activity slightly then the problem will be resolved without having to cease it entirely.
So before I assume ill intent, I first assess whether they understand what I'm asking. Then ...
7
I personally think any black-or-white approach to substances or behaviours that may be harmful in excess is not the best way to choose.
I will on purpose ignore legal aspects for most of this answer (but see the bottom for that topic).
We as parents are responsible to teach our children moderation and how to deal with temptation. We know that too much ...
7
Humans communicate very ambiguously, requiring a lot of cultural experience to be able to discern our full meaning. Eight-year-olds are right in the sweet spot, where it seems like they should know your full meaning, but they often don't.
For example, if my eight-year-old is doing something like singing at an inappropriate time, and I ask him to "please be ...
6
Be sure to check the laws where you live. Legal and reasonable don't always overlap.
When I was growing up in Canada, at 3-4 we would cross the street or go to the neighbors house alone. By 5 i and all of my friends were walking a half mile to the grocery store on errands and to school alone. By 8 my "alone" roaming range covered a radius of roughly 5 ...
6
This is one of the harder things we deal with as well; parents who have different rules than us, in both directions. Some of our (nearly 7 year old) son's friends' parents are more strict about certain things, some less. Some of his friends play more violent video games than we're comfortable with, some play with toy guns; but some don't play any video ...
6
Here are some pros and cons that I can think of:
"The watchmen will reprimand you if he sees you"
Pros:
Communicating that social rules are enforced
Teaching that actions may have consequences
Convenient as you as a parent are not saying no
Cons:
Not communicating your own position on the matter (which means that the main message - that ...
5
I think you should ignore her and try not to get attached to the outcome of such behaviours.
Because, may be she likes singing and probably thinks why are you having trouble with her singing. If it annoys you may be try to engage her by giving her some job or start asking questions about her friends, schools, home work and listen to her and keep the ...
4
My son has fewer qualms about breaking the rules, but a similar misunderstanding of when it's okay or not to make an exception to a rule. There are rules about when it's okay to make an exception to a rule, and some kids just plain have a hard time learning those compared to other children.
My son gets upset because he sees someone else getting away with ...
4
I agree mostly with @Mikaveli but I would like to show another point of view based on my own experience (I cant comment yet so I answer).
When I was a child my father and me played chess, soccer, videogames... But I always felt he was not doing his best. This annoyed me because I wanted real challenges (which he could have given me) but even with him ...
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