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10

Rewards can actually be counterproductive. In psychology this is known as extrinsic versus intrinsic motivation. And yes, its very common. I well recall being forced to tidy my room and sit down to do my homework. Its an uphill struggle that every parent faces. The trouble is that when you say "do this to get a reward" (extrinsic motivation) you immediately ...


9

TL;DR: Feel free to praise your children in front of each other. There is a lot of popular literature out there dealing with this issue. This answer is more roundabout because it relies to some degree on studies, which don't often address exactly the issue that is of concern to you. Almost 80% of children grow up with at least one brother or sister. Even ...


6

My favorite incentive is a good story or riddle. My children happen to love riddles and real historical stories, so if I need to encourage some behavior I will start with a teaser and let them know that the rest of the story is coming at bedtime if they do as I request. This has the advantage of encouraging listening and paying attention, as well. When the ...


6

I have slightly closer together children - 3 and 5 - and did something similar. Except we focused it just on chores ("jobs"); we did not focus on behavior as that didn't quite align with our goals in that area. The three year old was quite able to handle the idea, and it was more effective with him than with the five year old (who hadn't had this chart ...


5

Honestly, I avoid that approach. I don't reward at all. I also do not punish. My children are permitted at times to work toward something they want but it's over and above normal things they do that help sustain the household or do their studies, etc. This is a quote from an interview with Alfie Kohn who has wrote extensively on exactly this. You can ...


4

You want your child to learn a subject and as parents this is your call. The benefits include that learning another language is a way to help a person have a better understanding of their culture, as well as cognitive benefits. There are many sites with information on the benefits of learning more than one language. Here is one. Rewards systems are ...


3

No one (including yourself) knows the reason why you feel awkward, so addressing how to get over it at the root end is difficult. Which leaves you with two options: keep silent or force yourself to act contrary to your feelings. Lots of people act contrary to their feelings all the time: they hold doors open for others when they have other needs to attend ...


3

Children are very different in how their motivations work. I have two, one who is very externally motivated (i.e., what you describe above would work perfectly for him), and one who is more internally motivated. For the child that is internally motivated, what works for me is finding the correct internal motivation, and finding the right way to fit it into ...


3

The marshmallow study, and the theories that have budded from it, are viewed with some skepticism after follow up work has been done. I'm not saying that what you have been doing can't be a valuable exercise, or that you should change anything about what you are doing (especially if you are happy with the results you are seeing). But that if you are ...


3

There was a famous study done by a professor at Stanford. Basically, he tested children by showing them a treat such as a marshmallow. They were given a choice to eat the treat immediately, or they could wait 15 minutes and get an additional treat. Originally, he was just trying to determine what age children could demonstrate delayed gratification. However,...


3

I took a roll of pennies and spray painted them gold so they couldn't get mixed up/mistaken for normal money. These were "pirate coins" or "treasure". I used them to reward extra good behavior and routine tasks that they needed some motivation for (1 penny for doing a good job brushing teeth, 1 penny for sorting laundry, etc.). There were several benefits ...


2

I taught developmentally challenged students who were at a 2 year level and they understood. Reward systems are tricky because your child will not always be able to get a reward for being good or listening. Sometimes they have to obey or act in a particular way because it is an issue of safety or courtesy. When I started teaching in 1979, we used candy or ...


2

In my household I simply expect everybody to contribute. Of course, that's only according to their abilities, and of course children should have lots of free time left. But there are chores to be done, and some of them are done by the kids. Their sole incentive doing them is that they contribute to the community they live in. Over the years we have ...


2

This is as much a problem with adults as children. Think of your work situation. You start the year, your boss (implicitly or explicitly) says "Do a good job this year and you will get a raise". Twelve months later, you're told you didn't do a good enough job and don't get a raise. Alternately, your boss has a list of goals, and periodically discusses ...


2

The initial goal should be simply using the potty. This creates a strong positive connection to the desired behavior, that is easy for the child to comprehend. I'd also recommend the reward be some sort of short, focused time with the parent - can be a game of patty cake, reading them a very short book. It's both relatively "free" and they can never eat too ...


2

I got lucky when it came to potty training. All I had to do was ask her and she did it. Wow! Other tasks weren't so easy, though. I don't recall what it was I was try to teach her, but this is what I did and what I hope will help you by my sharing it. First, I would recommend not calling it "an accident". The reason being is that we all naturally want ...


2

Maybe star stickers are a bit... well trodden, but like you said, you can try re-name them to xp, or currency. once enough currency is gained, you may translate it into actual $$ (no need for a lot) to buy basic ingredients for DIY projects to do with your kids (nothing like quality time with them..). You could possibly build a system where there's a nice ...


2

Don't force it. I feel a constant mistake I make parenting is subconciously putting adult expectations onto my kids, and being frustrated when they cannot live up to them. You might be at risk of doing the same. Kids are highly motivated by what they want and not much else. To get them motivated by what you want, you have to amp up the incentives and ...


2

I think parenting by rewards is inherently problematic, for reasons such as what you're experiencing. Rewards generally teaches kids to desire the reward, and not whatever it was you were using the reward for. 1) So it seems your child doesn't respond well to rewards? That means you have to find other incentives. A more direct approach would be to make the ...


2

It sounds like your son is a dual native speaker. It would be to his benefit to continue to work toward fluency in both languages. At 6 years old, he probably doesn't appreciate this yet: for young children, learning two languages is an extra burden, and the later benefits of being able to bridge language gaps are not obvious. I know this was the case ...


1

I would avoid material rewards that you have to hand to him, because it can establish expectations and demands. There are other kinds of rewards. One cheap reward is praise. Children like being good at something. Other rewards can be rewards you are not involved in (in his perception) such as some comic books, movies, or games that are easily accessible, ...


1

Before anything, I'd like to point out that there is a lot of scholarly evidence to support that not only are we as people worse at learning things we don't want to (or fail to see the point of), we also retain them for much shorter periods of time after we finish actively studying them. Keep this in mind if you're paying for expensive lessons. That said, I ...


1

The problem here is the concept of positive reinforcement, but what you do here is to accidentally "punish" your son with your rewards. The concept of "You may only watch TV after you cleaned up your toys" does not present watching TV as a reward, but cleaning up as a punishment and lowers watching TV to a regular activity. You are basically saying "You ...


1

This will sound like a cop-out but I'm a firm believer that you have to treat each kid as uniquely different. For some kids, maybe even most kids, sticker charts might not work, or might even be harmful. But then there's that one kid, for which it is the perfect solution. Experiment, but don't push too hard, esp. with strong willed children. If they find ...


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