41

Our daughter intellectually understands our reasoning and accepted our decision without fuss. But of course she was disappointed and sad on the evening of the party. This is a good outcome and probably the best you can hope for. It's perfectly okay and normal to be sad & disappointed, I would be too. How can we help our children deal with situations ...


14

(Good) rules exist because there's something that's tempting to do but can cause bad things to happen. Frequently these bad things are not guaranteed and perhaps not even likely to happen, which can make breaking the rule tempting. No rules are inherently rewarding all the time when you follow them or punishing all the time when you break them, or the rule ...


9

I've always been partial to the idea that kids (and adults) who don't like vegetables don't like them not because vegetables are tasteless and disgusting, but rather that how they are prepared makes them tasteless and disgusting. You can make most vegetables pretty tasty just by cooking them in a way that makes them so. I think that same idea could work ...


8

Since you asked for parental advice, from that perspective the best advice is: get off the website. Reasoning: if this is a website where a preteen can sign up with real info, and yet be browsed and found by complete strangers; where minors space a space with adults without restriction; and where moderators do nothing about such reports — then it is not a ...


6

just for one moment let's accept that this really is your son and not your daughter. Then many things your describe can be explained in that context: It's a sudden development. - Yes, in many cases it seems like that from the outside. That's the point of the term "coming out" that the outside world wasn't aware of the true identity and the ...


6

What makes you so confident that they are pedophiles? I'm going to resist ranting on this too much, as a man that volunteers with kids and has to handle people regularly presuming I'm a pedophile just because I have a penis and am within 10 feet of a child it's kind of a pet peeve of mine. The whole concept of online predator's is a highly exaggerated risk ...


6

I have some experience in this type of situation. The best thing to do is to talk to an adult who is NOT abusive towards you such as a guidance counselor. When talking to them, make sure to explain the full situation that you have and let them help you with the rest.


5

She may be either bisexual or pansexual. Perhaps she doesn’t know what that means and you should tell her about it. Have a chat with her, but do not sound angry or anything. Also don’t seem worried, or don’t feel worried. It’s perfectly normal. My daughter is also eleven and believes she likes girls. She knows a lot about LGBTQ+ and always surprises me with ...


3

I'm not a parent with trauma but I was a child who was never rescued from my abusive home. I disagree with the idea that faith is the most important thing, but that could be because the trauma I experienced was religious. Religion often makes children of trauma feel gaslit because we're supposed to be healing through it but we don't feel any better so it ...


2

You can re-frame this as a question of cooperation. If you hold the door for someone who is carrying something heavy then it is extra work for you and a benefit to them. Society is about mutual cooperation. If you hold the door for someone today, then tomorrow you might be carrying something heavy and someone might hold the door for you. The benefit of ...


2

As a 13 year old girl, I want to give you my perspective :) Me and my boyfriend are both 13, and cuddling/hugging/kissing is pretty basic stuff for us, and as long as there is no sexual activity involved, it's totally OK. This girl seems right for your son, even if it's just in a platonic way. No reason to get too nosy, but I'd keep an eye on them to be sure ...


1

It sounds to me like you are doing everything right. Its interesting that she wrote this on a space she knows you read, but then denied it. It sounds like she wanted you to know the bare facts, but not to discuss it further. The trouble from a child's point of view is that an "open honest conversation" with a parent can feel more like an ...


1

Thanks for sharing. It must be hard to open up on a forum like this. I have a four-year-old and she is the light of my world. I hope that when my daughter goes through difficulties as yours has gone through, I will be able to support her with wisdom. I agree with an earlier comment on finding a therapist for yourself. Or perhaps a support group for other ...


1

First and foremost, we model very carefully and very visibly the behaviors with our children. We talk about the things we are missing that we really miss - I can't go to gymnastics, my wife can't go to the movies, we can't take a trip to go skiing; we talk about that frequently with the children, because it helps them normalize their feelings and puts them ...


1

Human beings are generally habit beings. We learn habits and then use them in auto pilot. Here our goal becomes learning the habits which will not cause us to crash later. When evaluated in only one scenario, breaking the rules can seem rewarding however we are subconsciously training our minds that breaking the rules is rewarding. When we evaluate based on ...


1

I'm a big believer in "natural" consequences, and in this case, that would mean separating the girls immediately and consistently if they become physical with each other. "If you cannot treat each other with love and respect, you cannot play together." If necessary, this can extend to fun activities or rewards that are "only for ...


1

Remember there are 12 year old fathers, girls mostly 13 at least. Talk this over with the other set of parents and give the young ones sexual education if at all possible in their parents view. And more importantly, the Pill or something to replace it, like a jab version. Yes, this may invite them to experiment but at that age they are likely to experiment ...


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